(Spotted in Cape Town today)

You have to wonder where our police budgets come from, because the boys waste no money on the big toys! Huge petrol prices aren’t an issue:

Why? Because they’re the SAPS and they can!

So I do hope you’ve been reading OverDriveTV. Gavin Williams is part of it. You’ll probably remember a couple years back Gavin had the honour of his life when he met me (Even more honorable than being on MTV for Crazy Monkey). You don’t remember that post? (HERE) Strange.

You’ll remember we spoke about the Pagani Zonda before at SLXS when we were in Joburg at the Michelangelo and got photos of the Pagani Zonda outside the Michelangelo Hotel. Is that a good hotel? Check that article HERE.

Anyway, check this little bit of information, straight from OverDriveTV:

“Coming across a Pagani Zonda F Roadster in the metal, in South Africa, is a bit like finding a Panda in Uganda. Let’s just quickly get to grips with this thing: it’s on sale at Future Exotics, in the V&A Waterfront, for a cool R20 million. Depending on the exchange rate, obviously. This particular Zonda F is actually the ‘Cinque’ model, simply meaning ‘five’ in Italian; only five will ever be produced. Ever. The body is made of carbon-titanium fibre, well, because carbon fibre is just so last millennium. The engine is sourced from AMG, and ensures the car reaches 100km/h in 3.4 seconds and doesn’t stop before it hits 350. Small wonder then that it’s fitted with a rosary. The owner’s manual recommends giving it a rub before you switch the traction control off. Just between your thumb and index finger, apparently.”

And photos from OverDriveTV:

I enjoy the fact that it’s R20 million!

“Can I come back tomorrow, I just need to up the limit on my Student Achiever account, we can use a debit card can’t we?”

The guys are doing some cool work on that site, check out their exclusive interview with Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond over HERE, from when the Top Gear crew were in SA recently for the Top Gear Live Show.

POW!

Are you saying pow?

POW POW!

The Ferrari 458 Italia is one of the most visually appealing cars on planet earth at this moment, with the performance to match. It’s every mans dream to drive one of these, but at some R1766926 million (ZAR), it can be a little out of touch of the everyday person. Not anymore! Let’s first look at what we’re dealing with:

Engine: 4.5 litre V8
Power: 425kW/540Nm
0-100km/hr: 3.4 seconds
Top Speed: 325km/hr

There really isn’t anything to say about the car, other than the fact that it is car porn. This is the stuff dreams are made of! Imagine burning down the Camps Bay strip in this beast? While I wouldn’t want to be a home wrecker, I’m afraid if I was driving this car, I would simply have to wreck homes! Guys wives would be throwing themselves at me, and while wrong on a moral basis, I would have to sleep with all of them. Only because I’m a giver!

Look, the fact that I only have three minutes in me is besides the point. Three minutes is a round in a heavyweight title match! Yeah…you wouldn’t trash talk Ali would you? So don’t trash talk me! Now that the car porn images are out the way, let’s look at the Ferrari 458 Italia burning around the track like it just doesn’t care:

Not too bad? Want one?

Alright!

Seriously, that’s your only chance of ever owning one. I’m not forcing you to buy tickets, but you’ll look like a bit of a tit if I win, and drive past you on the Camps Bay strip, and throw my slush puppie all over your Yaris. Then bang your girlfriend. And take your mom out for a nice seafood dinner…

And never call her again.

So I had just posted a short piece on Volkswagen ceasing production of the iconic Citi Golf when I received an awesome press release, entitled Goodbye Citi. They’re going all out to say goodbye to the Citi Golf. In related news, does anyone else own a VR3 still?

Ja, I’ve got one. BOOM! There us the temptation to sell it, but not anymore. This legend will never die. So let’s see what’s going to be happening:

There comes a time in every legend’s career when it must retire. For Volkswagen’s iconic hatchback, the Citi, this is that time. Having provided 25 years of loyal service and colourful motoring, the Citi is now retiring. But like most legends, it’s not going to leave without a proper farewell. So, in celebration of this occasion, Volkswagen South Africa is launching a countrywide campaign to say goodbye to this legend of the South African roads.

The last Citi will be doing a victory lap around the country to offer everyone the opportunity to come and bid farewell to Citi by signing the vehicle.
“The Citi is retiring. It’s had an excellent run. It’s the best selling car in South African history, but the time has come for the end of Citi production,” says Volkswagen South Africa’s Marketing Communications Manager, Carrin Merkel.

“We’re saying goodbye to South Africa’s best-selling car. But more importantly, we’re giving the whole country a chance to say goodbye. It’s a countrywide farewell, with the car being the farewell card. Actually, this campaign is about the South African public saying goodbye – because the car has become theirs, as much as it is ours.”

In keeping with the concept of inclusivity, for those people who can’t meet the Citi on tour, the entire victory lap can be followed at goodbyeciti.co.za and on Goodbye Citi’s Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and YouTube pages – where the public can also post their goodbye messages.

“From an advertising perspective, the tour is being filmed to create a farewell TV commercial for Citi. The commercial will be a true-to-life documentation of the tour. It’ll showcase South Africa saying goodbye to Citi. Over the years, the car has entrenched itself in South African culture and history. In fact, it’s more than just a car, it’s an icon, and it’s become a friend to the South African people,” says Ogilvy Cape Town Executive Creative Director, Chris Gotz.

“The Citi brand means so many things to so many different people. Thousands drove it as their first car. To them, the brand is all about freedom. Others personalised their Citi’s. So for these people, it’s about individuality. Some owned and drove a Citi for decades, and then passed it on to their kids. Some were even born in a Citi. In fact, almost everyone has a Citi story and Citi means something different to each of them,” adds Gotz

Citi is by far and wide the most successful hatchback in the history of South African motoring. It’s broken every imaginable record for a car in its category and class. When Citi was first introduced in 1984, the retail price was R7,630. The most affordable Citi today is priced at R84,700, and it’s still a reliable, low-cost vehicle that offers as much today as ever.

“The decision to stop producing the Citi was a tough one. However, like all things in life, we have to adapt and move with an ever-changing environment. New technology, rapidly evolving consumer needs and demands, and new trends in the automotive industry have forced us to finally write the last chapter on the ubiquitous Citi,” explains Bill Stephens, Volkswagen South Africa’s General Manager Communications.

The Volkswagen Golf 1 was introduced into the market in 1978. As the Golf 2 launch approached, Volkswagen South Africa recognised that its increased passenger and load space meant the Golf brand would move into a higher price segment, putting it out of reach of the traditional Volkswagen first-time car buyers. So, to fill the new market-need, the decision was taken to continue the production of the Golf 1, but to remodel it and give it a new name.

In anticipation of the launch of the Golf 2 in 1984, Volkswagen’s idea was to produce a lower specification ‘carry-over’ of the Golf 1. Originally named the ‘EconoGolf’ by product developers, this Golf 1 concept received a designer makeover by Volkswagen’s advertising agency, Ogilvy Cape Town. The brief was to create something that would capture the imagination of the first-time car buyer in South Africa.

The creative team at the time took renowned fashion designer, Jenni Button on board to help make this little car more than just a car – to make it a fashion accessory, a ‘must have’. Button was integral in the design process of the first ‘Red, Yellow and Blue’ Citi’s.

Volkswagen’s most optimistic prediction in 1984, when the Citi entered the market, was that it would last for a maximum of five years. In 2006, 22 years later, Volkswagen was producing 131 units per day and sold 28,500 in that year. In July 2009 alone, Volkswagen sold 1,630 Citi’s. And now, at the end of 2009, the last 1,000 Citi’s have rolled off the production line. These limited edition Citi’s have been designed based on the original Golf 1 and are branded ‘Citi Mk1’. Each Citi Mk1 has been individually numbered and will be sold to the public in honour of this legendary brand.

Beyond offering thousands of South Africans an affordable solution to their mobility, the Citi brand has contributed hugely to the component industry and after-sales market in South Africa, even past the Volkswagen Dealer Network.

“It is impossible to estimate just how much money the Citi brand has put into the South African economy over its illustrious life, suffice to say that it must be a significant figure. Citi has also left an intangible mark on South Africa. It’s been a part of the last 25 years in South African history. And now, as we open the final chapter on this legend’s career, we look back with affection, and we look forward to giving it the farewell it deserves,” concludes Stephens.

My word, I had no idea Jenni Button was involved in the original! And did you see how they mentioned people have individualised their Citi’s?

I never drive a VR3, and that’s a fact!

Whoopsie daisies!

The schedule for the countrywide tour are as follows:

Thursday 12 November — Start in Uitenhage

Saturday 14 November — Durban

Monday 16 November — Johannesburg

Tuesday 17 November — Pretoria

Wednesday 18 November — Bloemfontein

Friday 20 November — Cape Town

Sunday 22nd November — End in Uitenhage

The final details are being organised but we’ll be posting them here when they’re up. It’s all quite sad really!

Click here for the Goodbye Citi website.

Jeremy Clarkson has said that it makes Quasimodo look like George Clooney.

I’d have to agree and say that it’s possibly the ugliest car I’ve seen in a while. Well there is the Fiat Multipla, but then again that’s not R1,665 million (The Porsche Panamera comes in at that)

If you’re going to be ugly, you better not be expensive. So it turns out that last weekend I was at the Porsche Parade show and shine day in Franschhoek when out of the corner of my eye I saw something.

You know like when you’re out, and you see someone and think they’ve dressed up to look hideous? Then on closer inspection, you realise that’s just how they are? Well it’s the same with the Porsche Panamera. There is no cloak there, it’s not wearing a disguise. This is just how it looks. And it can’t help it, I mean, we can’t all be a BMW Vision EfficientDynamics.

If I must compare the Porsche Panamera to something, it would have to be the Williams sisters of tennis. Sure, there is a lot of performance under the hood, but I’d rather be driving Maria Sharapova.

The Porsche Panamera reminds me of something that you’d buy as a vulgar display of wealth. I’ve always found that when you’re wealthy, buying something for R1,5 million that is worth R1,5 million, is boring. I mean, there are loads of people who can afford to buy a house for R1,5 million, but a vulgar display of wealth would mean buying something for R1,5 million, that is really actually worth far less.

Like for example, buying a pair of jeans for R1 million. That’s a vulgar display of wealth. Or covering your dogs kennel in cut up Louis Vuitton bags. That’s a vulgar display of wealth. The Porsche Panamera is basically there to tell people that yes, you are wealthy. And no, you don’t care what they think because you have a better looking car parked at home. One wouldn’t simply buy a Porsche Panamera as their sole use car.

It would be like the ugly guy/girl amongst the hot friends. The one that makes the others feel better. The Porsche Panamera has been accepted into the motoring world purely because other cars feel sorry for it. The Lambo’s and the Ferrarri’s feel sorry for it and will let it inhabit their garage spaces with them. They might even let it drive around with them on weekends, but deep down inside, even though it is an accepted car, it still knows it’s ugly.

And that’s the important thing.

I’m not even joking, if you’re in Cape Town you can win a Volkswagen Scirocco and live the grand life! Some of you think myself and Charlie V go to Grandwest to gamble just because we want to hit the jackpot and “Take Vegas” as it were. In actual fact, my gambling addiction is somewhat fueled by you. YOU! But I’m not blaming you, I’m celebrating baby!

So before I start lying I’m going to go out and say that I won’t lie to you and tell you that I have been gambling again. I know they say winners know when to stop, but I counteract this with my ferocious double uppercut:

It’s not gambling if you know you going to win.

And winners might know when to stop, but losers don’t.

That covers me for both my winning and losing streaks.

But what I’m really here to tell you is that from the 7th of October, you can start entering to win a Volkswagen Scirocco at Grandwest. It’s insane! The actual car is on the gambling floor at Grandwest right now, and it’s the same electric green as the one in the photo here.

I know the electric green is quite ferocious, but imagine how many people will stare at you in this beast? I’m perfectly fine with this! I am all for the attention being focused on me while I cruise Cape Town with three chicks in the car.

And if that weren’t enough to get you gagging for it (Wait that makes no sense here), they are also doing a draw for a Citi Golf ROX. A nice pimped out one.

You know I’m going to go for the draw! If I win, we’re going mental. Expect prizes. Expect me to basically whore myself out to Cape Town. Ladies, want a cut? Well then think good things so I win, because then trust me, you’ll win. So yeah, Grandwest Casino, next month. It’s all happening and I’m going to gamble my mind off, take all the tables and get the car. Sick.

You know what is the only thing worse than being a Joburger?

Being a Joburger in Cape Town!

You’re surrounded by beach and people who essentially do nothing for a living, and you know that while you’re in Cape Town on a work trip you’re supposed to be ‘networking’, ‘formulating new marketing strategies’ and generally making an ass of yourself by attempting to work while wearing a suit.

Meanwhile we’re making money, while we’re on the beach, in our boardies and our stress levels are 300% lower (400% if you include the joint)

To prove this point I have just seen a Gauteng car in the Cavendish parking lot.

FML indeed!

Life is getting SO boring!

Remember that weird guy in your school who said he’d never get a real job, he’d be an outlaw and never join into the rat race? Of course you do, because that boy is me! But even superheroes get bogged down by stupid laws, not least of which is the new traffic demerit system that Craig forwarded onto me. Essentially, we all start on 12 points. Once we have lost those points, our license is taken away. Which means all the taxi’s don’t have to worry, because they don’t have licenses in the first place. Points are taken away in varying degrees for various offences. Just a little example of what a ball ache we are in for, with the fine price in ZAR followed by how many points you lose off of your 12, after which you’re screwed:

Good grief!

If you want the full breakdown of all this ache that is going to hit you in your FACE, drop me an e-mail at seanl (at) slxs (dot) co (dot) za and I’ll forward it onto you. If you lose your license, your life is over as our current public transport is terrible, and imagine not driving anywhere? I’d go mad!

Do the authorities want to try control us anymore? This is exactly why people go mental and do a Hunter S Thompson.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

URGENT! URGENT!

I’m not wearing pants today! And neither will you be, young lady, if you don’t stop giving me those looks…

Rory sent me a little note today that had my right foot wrangling in pain…my juice foot. That’s juice with a “J” and not a “P”, I can see how this can easily be mistaken.

Anyway, apparently word on the street is that we’re about to get absolutely punished by some sneaky sneaky traffic cops, and as is known myself and the crew have a love for a heavy right foot, we’re going to get in trouble. Because really, who can actually drive at 60km/hr? That’s so slow you can roll  a blunt while driving. I’m just saying.

Well these new speeding camera cars look like normal cars with roof mounted carriers, but they actually contain cameras. Oooooooooh fok!

FML

The BORING police

The ghost squad are a specialist unit operating in unmarked vehicles and…I think I just piss myself. Seriously, this sucks. I like to break the law. I like to chat on my phone and light a cigar at the same time as indicating and turning while checking out that hot chick that is always running.

So offending motorists will be flagged down by these unmarked cars (And new bikes — Ja Meneer Spiet Kop!) and the officers will have the power to arrest.

The unit will focus on the offences that I commit daily including talking on your cell phone (Places to go and people to see — bee-atch), cutting in (I’m always late), driving under the influence of alcohol (Only crack cocaine of late) and illegal U-Turns. I honestly never knew that any U-Turn was illegal. This is like going back to school, I’m learning so much!

The Ghost Squad will be based at Gallows Hill in Green Point and the name “gallows” is fitting because that place is like death, even more so now.

So you know they say you should only focus on the positive things in life, use “the Secret”, the law of attraction? Well if that’s true then let’s stop talking about this!

Let’s rather go to the beach instead and pretend none of this is true. Because. It’s. Not.

It can’t be. I don’t want it to be. If anyone starts talking to you about the Cape Town ghost squad just stick your fingers in your ears and go “a la la la la I can’t hear you”

Like a big chick trying to score you in Tin Roof in standard 7, ignore it and it will go away.

Life is so boring at the moment, they wouldn’t even let me light up my crack pipe at Exclusive Books the other day. WTF?

UPDATE: The Golf’s are the Ghost Squad, not the Toyota’s…The Toyota’s just cruise around more checking for parking fines and that stuff. More info to come, surely. Thanks to those who replied.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

It appears VW have tried (But failed) to better the VR3. Ha ha they’ll never beat our old beater!

But this is quite a cool idea, at quite a price as well considering the target. When you mix Billabong with CitiGolf you’re looking at a buyer who needs to take into consideration not only the price of the car, but also the price of his weed every month as well as accessories such as bong replacements, rolling paper, beanies etc. Remember, weed will always win, so you’re essentially competing against Floyd Mayweather Jr.

The Volkswagen Citi Billabong comes in at R96100, which is a little steep for a stoner during a recession. The thing with the Citi Golf is, they never have to change the machinery to make the car because it’s always the same shape. All they need to charge is for the materials, labour, profits etc. Other companies have to pay designers each year to make new designs, change the equipment or something to make a new shape, but CitiGolf keep all the same stuff and still charge R96000 for a Billabong Citi Golf.

I think the mere fact that “bong” makes an appearance in the new Citi, it’s clear we’re targeting a market who do nothing but smoke pot all day, watch Clerks, Super Troopers and “I’m on a boat”, and then Volkswagen still have the balls of steel to charge R96000.

What?!

The Citi Billabong comes with the following:

Billabong decals, sidestripes and tailgate

Available in White and Tossa Blue (Tossa Blue? Are you serious! Are you guys smoking crack and pot? “Bong” and “Tossa”?)

Sports seats in two tone black and blue trim

Tinted windows

15-inch alloy rims

Lowered suspension

CD/MP3 front loader

Limited to 500 units

Comes with a Billabong laptop backpack, Vonzipper sunglasses worth R1000, large Billabong beach towel and a Billabong keyring.

So yeah it is kind of cool, but hey…it’s still a Citi!

You’re still going to be telling chicks you’re driving a Citi Golf, but if you do it with a flair of nonchalance you’ll still be able to live the dream. Been rocking the VR3 for years!

Sean Lloyd

Editor