Click HERE for the updates list of the parties you should be going to in the next month.

It’s Friday. Get out the office. Or just open the mini bar. Whatever you do, PLEASE don’t do any work. That would upset me.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

This is not surprising really, but Zoo magazine seems to have taken it’s final bow. I’m trying desperately to think of the name of that other mens weekly magazine, where Gavin Willims of Crazy Monkey fame was the editor. That magazine did not last long at all.

And now it seems after only 68 issues, Zoo is not cutting a healthy bank balance. To be honest, I have never ever bought a single issue of Zoo magazine. I have pretty much bought every other title under the sun, but never Zoo. I just think a men’s weekly is pushing it a little. The first few issues are fun as stories of booze and women entertain you, but we all get over that once we leave school. After that we want some content. Look Zoo might have had content, but I don’t know because I never read it. Come to think of it I have not seen a copy of Zoo in my friend’s houses either. FHM, GQ and Men’s Health all make appearances, but no Zoo.

The problem with these magazines is that they are full of typical guy stuff. Booze, women, cars etc. But most of the time you can find all this on the internet. And we can agree here…you can find a whole lot more.

I still wonder how girls magazines such as Heat are doing nowadays seeing as though there are so many entertaining celebrity websites around, such as Perez Hilton, X17 and Just Jared. These are updated daily and when you do get around to buying the Heat magazine, you have already read all the celebrity stuff. And the magazines just repeat what everyone else is saying. Then add in their own commentary:

“Will Britney Spears die this year? Well we think…”

It’s all pretty boring and these writers must go mad writing all that stuff. It would completely send me to the looney asylum!

Click ZOO to be directed to the Zoo website. Their last issue, in an effort to entice a last surge of readers, is a lingerie issue. To be honest, for lingerie, I prefer to sneak into my sisters house and steal the Cosmopolitan. HECTIC lingerie in there. The Cosmopolitan lingerie issue will make you go insane.

Every guy should read Cosmopolitan, in order to delve deeper into what women think. I read it ALL the time when I visit my sister.

Do I now know what women think? Hell no!

Do women know what guys think? Hell yes! That’s easy. Braais, booze etc.

Oh well in life you win some and you lose some.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I was digging through vast amounts of kryptonite the other day in my cupboard when I came across a card holder. You know like a wallet, but just for cards. And I realised that a card holder, together with a money clip, is actually quite essential to life. You will probably find yourself these days paying for everything either by credit card or debit card. And then you can just keep a few coins in your car to keep the beggars at bay, especially when they try sell you stuff that you really don’t need.

My favourite are the guys on Edinburgh Drive, because they always ask for “Just one cent?” Um buddy, if you have not already realised, the 1c coin is not in circulation anymore. And what the HELL are you going to do with 1c anyway?

So anyway, I was looking at my wallet the other day and all that was in it was cards and a few coins. So I realised I don’t really need a wallet and this was when I found my card holder. Brilliant! So I just put in a credit card, a debit card and my Kelvin Grove Club card. And that’s all I need to lead a successful life! Pack in my cellphone, iPod, sunglasses, car keys and my 40ml Hugo Boss and I can do anything I please.

My life compressed 

The Concorde card holder was given to people who flew Concorde, and there were many other Concorde branded accessories with it.

To be honest I don’t even remember flying Concorde. It was either too fast, or it was my first taste of Gin and Tonic that day. With a slice of fresh lemon. Organic.

Take a look at your wallet and ask yourself the question “Do I really need all this rubbish in my wallet?” My wallet used to be filled with till slips and all sorts of rubbish that was weighing my style down.

De-clutter your life and get a card holder and a money clip. Trust me, it’s a lot easier.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Just a few short notes on things you need to know:

Musica are having a massive sale on award winning DVD’s, going for R74,50. Titles include Titanic, Pearl Harbour and Million Dollar Baby. Click HERE to view and buy these titles.

Musica are also having a sale on awards winning CD’s, selling for R79,95. Artists include Bob Dylan, Beyonce, Black Eyes Peas, Simple Plan, Good Charlotte and James Blunt. Click HERE to view and buy these CD’s.

Ramfest, “The Cape’s Ultimate Rock Festival” takes place from today, 29 February 2008 until the 2nd of March 2008. Bands include Van Coke Cartel and Taxi Violence. And the rest I have never heard of, obviously not much of a rocker! For all the details click RAMFEST.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

One of my favourite South African DJ’s, the ever controversial Gareth Cliff is back with more commentary that just happens to be hilarious. Again.

As we all know Port Elizabeth is not the most cosmopolitan place on the planet. It’s not a place you would willingly visit and it’s not on the agenda of foreign visitors.

Which is why Gareth Cliff said this, of PE and it’s people:

“Those people are really weird. They are so weird, the whole city does not belong on earth”

You know you are too good when you can say things like this on air, and not care. Because if Gareth Cliff thinks it, then he says it. Now if only we had more people like him in South African media.

Everyone is so PC that they are afraid to say things, or ask questions. They sit on the fence, going “Uhhhm…aaaah…ehhhh” and actually don’t give us any useful or funny stories. Especially so called “celebrities” who don’t want to harm their reputations in case they lose work over it.

Gareth Cliff is somehow doing everything wrong(In some peoples eyes) but yet his popularity is huge. We need people with an edge in South African media, someone with something different to say. Gareth Cliff seems to be that person.

Call him arrogant, call him whatever…but you can’t say he’s boring!

For the full story on Gareth Cliff and PE the city, and it’s people, then please click NEWS24.

On that page please enjoy the “Related articles” all pertaining to Gareth Cliff and the trouble he has found himself in. What a class act!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

You are SO lucky that I have dedicated my entire life to staying in this city. It’s essential that I bring you information for leading a more successful life. And here, my latest piece. It’s like Diesel. But it’s SLXS: For successful Cape Town living.

So we all know there are certain body signals that you put out, and shrinks will go into deep thought about what these mean. But this is all rubbish. What really counts is what your drink is saying about you. So here it is, the SLXS guide to decoding that drink(It’s essentially a guide for guys to read and is what people claim your drinks mean. But females have this INTENSE fascination with the thoughts inside my head and might find this mildly interesting):

Savanna

You are gay. Seriously, don’t try and pick up a Savanna at Forres, or Hemishphere, or Tiger Tiger, or anywhere in Cape Town without being called gay( The same guys who call you gay are also probably the ones who used to draw cocks on the chalk board at school) If you are in fact gay then this is not too much of a problem. Although in this case your gay friends might call you straight which could equally damage your ego. I’m not quite sure.

It’s a strange thing because Savanna is essentially a cider. The bottle is clear, wider and shorter than most bottles such as beer bottles. For some reason this makes it gay. However, guys can easily get away with drinking a Hunters Dry or a Foundry Cider. Both of these come in the standard beer bottle shape and the glass is green. The substance within is essentially the same but the packaging makes it straight.

Which is very odd.

Savanna should keep with the current design for the girls, and the gay guys. Then just release “Savanna MAN- Chuck Norris Edition” in a normal shaped beer bottle. Oh…and make the glass green. Savanna will then have market control over straight males, gay males and also females. That’s the entire spectrum and profits will shoot towards the sky. I think of these ideas like you would think to wash the dirty dishes. It’s easy for me.

I wasn’t called a child prodigy for nothing.

Sex on the beach, Mermaids Orgasm, Flaming Orgasm, Horse Jizz etc

Anything with any reference to anything sexual might have people calling you gay. Once again if you are gay then there is nothing to worry about. While I disagree with people calling me gay for drinking Savanna, I probably would be a little embarrassed telling the little belter in the white mini skirt that I’m drinking a Mermaids Orgasm, or a Donkeys Load. Or anything with reference to “cream” in it.

My chances of coming right on any given night sit at a minuscule 13%( They’ve done studies you know) Now if I had to say I was drinking any one of these drinks, my chances would be zero as the girls run for the club exit. As opposed to the entrance to my love palace on Lake Como in Italy.

I would not blame them though. Whenever I see girls drinking vodka out of the bottle, I think they are a bit too diesel and might in fact like a bit of carpet. So in my case, if I were to be drinking something with a sexual name, they would probably think that I like a few holes on the golf course. And that I putt from the rough.

Beer

Ja no well fine! So okes are the Bulls going to moer those okes this weekend?(We talk not of The Stormers in these here parts) Beer is a real mans drink. Beer can be drunk while watching the game, mowing the lawn, doing the kids homework, fixing the roof, sitting at work and even while out on the town. It’s a weird situation nowadays, because thanks to Men’s Health, it is acceptable to drink light beer. Windhoek Light and Castle Light are regulars on the Cape Town drinking scene and guys are cool with it.

It’s funny because while all the manne are drinking beer, and Toks is drinking a light beer, they still accept Toks as part of the group. They talk sport, gambling, beer and red meat while all the women sit around chatting about girlie things away from the toxic braai smoke (Carcinogens and all that shit) Toks is not seen as gay because he has a beer in his hand.

What the boys fail to realise is that Toks’ beer is more girly than the girls Savanna. Toks is drinking a 2% beer while the girls are smashing a 6% Savanna. They are drinking three times as much alcohol with every drink but the guys say nothing about Toks sexual preferences.

Such is the males train of thought. And I’m a guy, so I know how we think.

Shooters

Once again, a few options here. Anything with reference to anything sexual is a no go zone unless you want your friends calling you gay. “Love Potion” might taste good(It’s delicious!) but bear in mind that you are going to get some weird looks. Most guys refuse to be seen as weak and will always storm up to the bar and demand “Ten tequilas” After having a few of these rounds, and making faces that only a mother could love while drinking the tequila, the boys quietly go and have a chunder.

Classic mixers

The usual John Deere(Cane and cream soda), vodka and coke and brandy and coke are what I call “Classic mixers” They are your average, popular drinks and can be drunk by anyone. They don’t reveal too much about you and with these drinks you can confidently fly under the radar.

Straight whisky

This is for business people or people with an edge. Or just for people who want to try act cool when they are out. Often it’s all smoke and mirrors and they are just trying to impress the ladies. But for a lot of people they really enjoy whisky. It’s a fine drink and one that, if you have acquired the taste for it, can give you many hours of joy. My bottle of Lagavulin 16 year old that I just received is going down a charm.

If you see a guy drinking whisky, and he is wearing white loafers, then you know he is not a real whisky man. Rather he is a player. Girls, if you don’t want your heart shattered, best avoid him. Other than that whisky drinkers are people with culture and class.

Red Bull

Red Bull is for the sporty, crazy type. I really enjoy it. It usually screams of wealth but it’s not really like that. They say mixing energy drinks and alcohol is dangerous. I must say, it makes me a touch crazy and for some reason I want to dance all night. And I do dance all night. Red Bull is for everyone. It’s tasty, makes your head crazy and gives you all night energy. Male, female, gay, straight, we all enjoy it.

Champagne

Well if you are out drinking JC Le Roux, you are just someone who wants to have fun and get really school girl drunk. Which is always good times. If you are drinking Moet or Mumm, you are from the wealthier side of society and you like to break out the money club all the time. These are both fine brands of French champagne(Well if it’s real champagne it is French) and it basically shows that you have made it in life. Or you have inherited bus loads of cash in your life.

Real champagne is for the elite and shows a certain touch of class. Even better is mixing Moet with Red Bull as this shows a touch of youth and carelessness that comes with lots of money. It’s these vulgar displays of wealth that show that you don’t care because you are that wealthy. It’s not necessarily arrogant though, it just means that you were born to party and you want to have a good time, all the time!

Well that’s it for now, in this new section we are calling “Successful Living in Cape Town” It’s going to be the definitive guide to Cape Town living and should help you lead a happier and wealthier life in Cape Town. I hope this small drinks guide has informed you somewhat as to what exactly it means when you take your next sip.

Oh the things I do for you!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

It’s no big secret that we all want a bit of Richard Branson spirit in us and we all want to buy an Island such as Necker Island. Necker Island is the dream of every single person on the planet and Richard Branson only paid $180,000 for it back in the day. That’s like pocket change. YOU could have afforded that! Ok it then did cost about $10 million to develop, but who’s counting?

It’s also no big secret that every single person in Cape Town goes to Plettenberg Bay after they finish High School for “Plett Rage” Apparently I went after finishing school but I don’t actually recall the whole trip happening. I just remember being dropped back in Cape Town with no recollection of the previous week and nothing but photos of me horizontal most of the time. Whether these photos were taken in Plett is a mystery to me.

Anyway most kids who go to Plett just want to party and see if what they learned in Biology was actually true. They go there trying their utmost to hook up with everyone.

There is now a new hook up technique which I have discovered and it’s called “R27 million” If you are in a public school and are ripped like Bruce Lee, have the face of Beckham and know how to talk to the opposite sex without flinching, then you are still going to get kicked out of this game.

However, if you look like Shrek, have the body of Rosie ‘O Donnell and are absolutely loaded with cash that you inherited from your parents, and therefore go to a private school, then you win this game.

This game is called “Let’s see if I can hook up with every single available girl in Plett during Plett Rage”

You don’t need to use lame pick up lines and you also don’t need to work out. You don’t need to follow a healthy diet or even get a tan. And you won’t even need to use the “Hook up and shut up technique”

All you need is to tap into your folks trust fund account which has been set up for you. One lazy Saturday afternoon just quietly mention to the folks that you are going to pop past the shops to get some “essentials” Head directly for the bank and just draw some money. “Some” meaning “R27 million” Then take your car and go for a little meander up to Plettenberg Bay. Take a boat or helicopter(Choose the helicopter) ride to Stanley Island and just throw the money down. You now no longer have to worry about life.

Because for most people, life is about money and relationships, even though they would like to believe that their relationship with their other half is not based on money. What are most fights about? Money. Exactly. Oh and guys drinking too much. Having too many boys nights. That also causes its fair share of relationship troubles.

But seeing as though you are already a trust fund baby, the money is sorted. Relationships are not so easy but this is where money helps. Look, I would not say money will buy you true love, but it will go a long way to buying some sort of love.

Lots(Not all) of girls want security. And by “security”, we are talking dinners at The Mount Nelson Hotel, drinks in Camps Bay, handbags from Fendi, cars by Bentley and houses in Camps Bay, Llandudno and Clifton. Not to mention all the other little things. Security could also include private islands and never having to work again in their lives.

You can be this security blanket!

So this little Stanley Island seems to be up for sale according to THIS article for a cool R27 million. But we can all confidently agree that this is something that is not really about the money and it’s not in fact that expensive. I have always believed that you cannot put a price on happiness. And this IS happiness!

Stanley Island. Barton, bring the cheque book please.

Your parents probably told you when you were younger that they don’t care what you do, as long as you are happy. So if you don’t already have R27 million they would not be angry if you became a drug dealer in order to amass an amount of R27 million in your bank account. Happiness is something we all strive for and now YOU can have it.

Stanley Island happens to be the only privately owned island in South Africa. It’s 27,4 hectares HUGE which basically translates into 27,4 hectares of pure therapy. It’s like having a shrink all around you all the time.

Plus there is a 1km long(And 40m wide) grass airstrip which can accommodate aircraft with a weight of less than 5400kgs. So it won’t quite accomodate the Lear Jet but it will be fine. And most of the time you can just use your helicopter anyway.

Shooting out in the boat will also be a nice little way to travel.

You don’t quite understand how little things like this excite me. The mere thought of owning my own island in South Africa has my mind racing like it did when I got my matric results, and after a year of boozing and sitting in the sun, I miraculously passed. The thought of just telling people to come back to your island is also a novelty that will probably never wear off.

You would also need to employ an entire police force on the island though. The FUN POLICE! Police running around with water pistols filled with Jagermeister and Red Bull. Police just checking that everyone is totally abusing the situation of vast wealth and disgusting amounts of fun.

We could go on forever here though, but for the need to know on Stanley Island, then please click STANLEY ISLAND.

And also to motivate you to work harder, or become an entrepreneur, or to just start doing illegal things, click NECKER ISLAND to see what I dream of at night. For my entire life I have only had one dream. And it’s just of me sipping a Pina Colada on Necker Island while a midget fans me with a banana leaf and someone massages my feet. Vigorously.

For more on Necker Island click HERE.

Oh and also THERE.

Let me also just mention that you can rent Necker Island, which can accommodate 28 people, for the paltry sum of about $46000 a day. Spectacular!

Back to work then!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

So you attended the Celine Dion concert and are now in a raging fury. And so you should be! As you will know by now the Cape Town concert was a nightmare like no other. I’m not going to go into too much detail because there is a great article HERE with loads of comments from readers who attended the concert. I took a while to get onto this article, but I was reading through a million different articles because everyone is furious.

Other than that Kusasa Entertainment have rightly claimed full responsibility for the stuff up that was made at the Celine Dion concert. That is according to THIS “Tonight” article.

Other than possibly avoiding any concert organised by Kusasa Entertainment in the future, if you do have a problem now with tickets you can call 086 112 1333.

Good luck ladies and gentleman.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Some may call parts of this crude. However, THE Editor, Sean Lloyd, releases these words in the interest of public health and safety:

The hug/kiss dilemma is an age old, shall we say, “tradition”. Traditionally you come across the hug/kiss dilemma when you are a young child and you meet your parents friends. For the first few years when you are really young they just say hello to you and there is no physical contact such as a hug, or a kiss on the cheek.

But then a couple of years go by and they see that you have matured. If you are a girl they will notice this maturation by the size of your exquisite breasts. In my case, I grew an IMMENSE PIECE which could be seen through even the baggiest of K-Fed pants. This did seem to attract the attentions of various MILFS that my parents knew. And some Mom’s I would-not Like to F…. So once they realise you have matured, they want some sort of physical contact. And they are either huggers, kissers, or both.

If you are a girl, your parents male friends will go in for the hug so that they get some breast contact. Because when they hug their wives, they get no breast contact as their wives exquisite breasts are now just too hideous to comprehend. The only breast contact they get is when they jiggle their feet and they realise they are jiggling their wifes tits, which are peeking out at the bunions on their wives feet.

If you are a male, you will definitely get the hug and kiss from the females. The hug to get close to you and brush their hands on your main chap, and the kiss to TASTE you. It’s not enough for women of this age to have one sensation because they want them all. They want to smell your manly scent of whisky and cigarettes. They want to feel your IMMENSE PIECE. They want to see that puppy dog look in your eyes as they squeeze your Jack Johnson so tight that you nearly hit a high note like The Bee Gees.

The problem is you never know when someone is going to go for a single kiss, or a single hug, or combine the two. Even more mind boggling is the fact that sometimes they want a kiss on each cheek.

So you see the old dirty bitch from across the room and you know she wants to ravage you in the bedroom like a RABID HYENA. You see her walking across the room to attack you and you try backtrack before she completely abuses your current hormonal situation which is so off the hook that you pitch a tent when the hot biology teacher(Ms Venter) bends over to reach for an overhead slide.

Anyway she has autopilot on and she also had missile lock on you(Some of these slappers even have missile cock) You know that the situation is unavoidable and you reluctantly crack a smile.

“Hey! How you doing?!” You say, with a surprise in your tone of voice that could be compared to the tone of voice you would use when you woke up smashed at the school social and Bernice the fat chick was pulling into you while simultaneously massaging your bag.

“OH. MY. GOD! SEAN! I have not seen you in yonks?!” Slag says.

“I know, Christ you look AMAZING Agatha! How much did your husband pay for your face?” I say all giddy and excited.

“Oh don’t worry about the price. God how you’ve grown!”

“I know. Probably about half a metre since I last saw you?”

“Oh I was thinking at least another 6 inches”

“Oh you’re looking there! You saucy old bitch you!”

“Sean I don’t know if I ever told you this but I totally want to cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday…ha ha…it’s coming up…”

“Agatha you know I have a restraining order against you?”

“OH that thing!”

This is the point where Agatha leans in for the hug and kiss. Not knowing what in Manto Tshabalala Msimangs name is going on, I lean in just for the kiss. A kiss is WAY better than the full on fondle of my kid factory. So I give her a light little pecker(While she tries to zone in on my eagle) on the cheek and immediately go for the release, pulling away from slag bag.

Not content with this, she pulls me in for the hug. At this point my body has totally released itself from the kiss and I am in a movement away from her. Defying my away movement she pulls me in and this has my body going completely off balance. This is the pinnacle(She would call it climax) of the hug kiss dilemma.

It’s that moment where you look and feel awkward as you lose your balance and basically fall into her arms. Trying to keep your face away from her neck(To avoid that hideous floral perfume/toilet spray), you have your head looking sideways as your arms are spread out beside you trying to balance your body.

And that’s it, the point where everyone sees the awkwardness of the situation as you basically fall over, into this old chicks arms.

Another variation is when YOU go in for the hug and the kiss. This is normally warranted when you are dealing with a genuine MILF. So anyway, her husband is hung like Ron Jeremy, and she is not that interested in you. So she is just going for the kiss, and as she is pulling out of the kiss, you are still leaning in for the hug.

At the last moment you realise it will not work so you kind of try pull back, but your balance is way off now. Then you just kind of arbitrarily pat her on the back with one hand while pulling your head away and the awkwardness of the situation can only be described as like going for “The Lunge”

It’s also awkward when dealing with a genuine MILF because then you might be flying half mast. Some of you might be pitching a tent. Or a marquee in my case. The problem here is what to do with the marquee pole. The best thing to do here is just to flip it up into your waist band.

Also when dealing with a genuine MILF who is way out of your league, you might as well just give the situation a full rev seeing as though you have nothing to lose. She might say something like:

“Sean come here I want to give you a kiss on the cheek!”

This is when I say:

“Well Agatha, actually, the funny thing is, my cheek just happens to be on my KOK!”

It’s always funny and when you have nothing left to lose, you might as well laugh.

To those of you unaware, the lunge is quite simply that moment where you definitely think you are going to pull into someone. You might be hammered at a club one night, dancing with a guy/girl, and you think that they are TOTALLY into you. So you wait a while, make some eye contact, make sure that the set up is right and then…BAM…LUNGE! You pull in for the kiss, and when you get half way, you realise they are not going to pull in.

The awkwardness of this situation is actually so bad that it puts many people out of the game for weeks, even months. You don’t want to try kiss anyone just in case it goes pear shaped. It’s highly embarrassing and if you speak to my mate Gary G he will tell you many amusing stories about “The Lunge” We always have a good laugh about it.

There are many variations of the hug/kiss dilemma and I have just drawn out two situations here. However I think it serves as a pretty decent test of what the hug/kiss dilemma is. When coming across any other variations of the situation, you will know it’s happening when it happens and you can be safe in the knowledge that it has happened to almost everyone who has ever lived.

It’s happened to me, but I seem to have gotten over it now. So you too can survive the hug/kiss dilemma and go on to lead a normal life.

If by “normal” you mean that everyone drinks a bottle of whisky every day to try and cope with the embarrassment that was put on them when they were young and got hit with the dilemma.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Here is some, what I believe, constructive criticism for next years SA Blog Awards. It seems I totally messed it up this year! But try reading the rules through beer goggles and you will see my predicament. You will see Cape Town’s predicament!

Anyway, here are my suggestions:

Make a clear nomination closure:

This year, the front page of the website mentioned that nominations and voting run from the 11th of February until the 14th of March. Most people scroll over this quickly and assume nominations close on the 14th of March. There did seem to be lots of confusion this year and so the nominations were extended for a further 3 days.

Make the rules CLEAR

According to the rules, you cannot nominate just one blog, but you need to nominate at least three. I read these rules quite late. The problem here is you go onto a blog, there is a widget that says “Nominate me”, you click it, fill in the form and therefore only nominate that one blog. Voters don’t read these rules, they just see these widgets on their favourite blogs and vote.

It’s like electronics. Guys especially battle with this and never read the instructions. So in something like the blog awards, which are more of a fun thing, I don’t think voters should have to actually have to read over the rules, because it’s boring to them. If they only want to vote for one blog, then they should be allowed to. However, upon further investigation it seems that you don’t have to nominate three blogs, but you can nominate one blog but then it has to be nominated in at least three categories.

The rules are just confusing and not clearly set out. They should be as simple to read and understand as possible because voters don’t really care about rules. They want their favourite blogs to win. They just want to vote and not have to read rules they don’t care about.

People in cities like Cape Town also don’t have time to read the rules. There are other things besides “rules” and “work” that keep us occupied. Things like beaches, mountains, beautiful clubs, beautiful people, cocktails at the beach, sleeping, partying etc etc. I think you get the picture.

I also think that not many people actually know how to read. I just picture read. Hell, I don’t even write for this website! I think I have a grade 4 to my name. Awesome!

Ok that’s all I have to say really. It’s pretty boring but it’s part of my life!

By the way how was your weekend?

As you can see ours was fairly average:

Jerry D happened to get caught up behind the decks in The Bosch sometime in the last week. I can’t remember. Every day seems like the weekend. He was accompanied by Nick E Louder and Uncle Jager. What RAD company!

There is a picture of me but I know some kids read this website so…

Women, drinks, music.

And that’s just a small celebration…and we don’t even know if we are nominated for an award yet. Imagine how mental we will go if we DO get nominated. Imagine how mental we will go if we DON’T get nominated! All of this excites me no end!

I’m sure it excites you as well.

Yes it does.

Hey you! Crazy person!

Put that whip down!

What?

Stop frowing me wif cous cous!

Ooooh someone is in BIG trouble. Is that lace you’re wearing?

Red lace.

God you’re beautiful.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

So Jerry D was browsing the internet when he stumbled upon this car. It’s not really my colour scheme but it does seem quite intriguing.

You see Volkswagen released the Citi R-Line a little while back and that has a 1.8L 90kw engine. It’s top speed is claimed to be 187km/h. No airbags and no ABS brakes so it’s not quite ideal.

But as in life, there is always someone excessive who totally pushes the limits and goes crazy. Luckily in this case the limits have been pushed and have amazed us. You see this Citi Golf is fitted with some sort of 2.0L Turbo engine, and from what I hear on the VW forum, this produces 197kw. That’s 107kw more than the Citi R-Line which can reach 187km/h.

Tidy

Tame

This is all pretty pointless because the car has no added safety features and so it’s probably not exactly street legal. Nonetheless it is quite a spectacle!

With that canary yellow, and the promise of more power than you can handle, there are no doubt some people that are very excited.

The type of people that will be excited about this car are Bellville Bombers and Parow Arrows. Trust me, I know a couple of them and they are LANK excited about this car. So much so that they want to eat my computer when looking at this car on the screen. Such is life. They are also coming up with lines as beautiful as “Jusssus! That’s a panty dropper hey?”

Stunning.

For more on this beast of a car please click VW CLUB

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Ok so it seems that voting for the SA Blog Awards is open until midnight on Monday. Please see the below posts for voting procedure, in addition to these things that I have picked up on.

There have been many mistakes made by us, which we need our voters to correct. Like most people, I don’t read instructions and that’s why I regularly break expensive electronic equipment and people. Anyway I decided to get off the beach, throw my drink aside for a moment and let you know exactly what to do.

Voting now closes midnight, Monday 25 February 2008.

Having read over the rules though, apparently you cannot just nominate me, but you have to include two other blogs as well. This seems a bit stupid because:

Most blogs just include the voting widget on their pages, and so people assume you can just vote for that blog, which is a natural thing for people to think. Readers click on the widget, and vote for that particular blog. Anyway, other than my blog, you can include Shaun Oakes for Most Humorous South African Blog and Adii for best SA Blog about Technology/ Computers/ Development.

So vote SLXS, and include Shaun Oakes and Adii in the categories I have mentioned. I know it seems a bit much, especially if you are from Cape Town where we like to take a relaxed approach to life, but some things need to be done.

If we get nominated we can party. If we don’t get nominated we can party even harder. I think it’s a win-win, smash-smash, party-party, debauchery- debauchery situation.

I’m actually over it because there is a 1pm Friday rule in place in Cape Town(Actually it’s an everyday rule) and there is a party somewhere in this town that needs to be hit in the face with my party stick.

See you Monday!

UPDATE: Apparently you don’t need to vote for three different blogs, you merely need to vote in three different categories even if it for the same blog. The rules are a bit confusing though which is probably due to the fact that the last time I passed school was in standard 3.

Back to school! To show daddy that I’m not a fool!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Ok if you read this post earlier we did change it because was wuz wrong. Anyway nominations close today and not 14 March as I had assumed previously.
If you still get to read this though before the day ends then click below because it’s your last chance to vote for SLXS!

Click above to vote SLXS

We did not read the rules as I suppose we should have, but I can’t cry over spilled(Spilt? Spoilt?) beer
Although this one is a Heineken and I am about to burst into tears.

Oh no it’s cool there are another 5 cases in the fridge. That fridge we dedicate solely to the pursuit of chilling beer.

Nice!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I’m always here to offer you insight into what is happening in Cape Town and so I went through all the news reports on Trevor Manuels Budget Speech. Is it true that Trevor wears Giorgio Armani spectacles? Very suave Trev, very suave. Dapper even.

As you all know things like budget speeches are highly boring and most of us don’t really care to know about them, because we just end up paying more for everything.

But here is what I need to tell you. The tax on a can of beer rises by 5 cents. This goes to ten cents on a bottle of wine. And R1,88 on a bottle of spirits. So on spirits alone, Friday nights are going to cost me about R40 extra. Hectic!

So I thought it was quite necessary to let you know this. It’s also amusing that they call booze “Sin tax” Wept, it’s not like I killed someone! You make me feel like after every drink I should ask for forgiveness.

Yeah, wait until you see all the church guys smashing back wine like it is water after all the people leave church. You then approach them.

“Um sorry Mr Priest, you are not allowed to drink are you?” I say with a deadpan reaction.

“Of course I am SON, how do you think I will survive?”

“Well you don’t need booze, DUDE!”

“This is not alcohol, it’s water”

“No it’s not FOOL, here give me that!”

I then snatch it from his paws and taste it. 1997 Merlot. Sneaky.

“It’s booze!” I SHOUT.

Priest then looks at me, takes another sip.

“Ah yes it is! But Jesus just turned water into wine! He wanted to trick you and make you drink wine, and now you are a sinner! Now you must join my church”

And so begins a vicious cycle as another youth is snatched from the hands of the elixir of life, and made to lead a life of alcohol-less-ness.

Wow this is bizarre for a Friday morning! It’s like I’m on crack or something…

For the Deloitte & Touche commentary on the Budget Speech, click HERE. I must warn you, that is for the clever people. People interested in trivial things such as “finances”, “tax relief”, “watershed”, “economies” and “cross referencing hedge funds”. I made all of that up right now. Please do excuse me today.

I’m the lone wolf. I walk this alone!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Just received this, so to those of you keen to party, have a little read:

Grammy nominated artist and globally acclaimed DJ and producer Paul van Dyk will be touching down in South Africa in early March for two dates on his 2008 World Tour.

Widely regarded as one of the world’s most talented and influential electronic music producers and ranked the World’s No. 1 DJ by DJ Magazine’s ‘Top 100 DJ Poll’ for the second consecutive year, ‘PvD’ as fans have nicknamed him, returns to SA for the 6th time hot on the heels of his latest album release, “In Between”.

Having debuted this summer at No. 1 on the iTunes Dance Album chart, Paul van Dyk’s fifth artist album, “In Between” clearly showcases his distinct style, remarkable talent and features a wide range of collaborators including David Byrne of Talking Heads fame and Jessica Sutta of the Pussycat Dolls.

Recent performances alongside the likes of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Depeche Mode and Justin Timberlake at US events including Coachella, and headline festival slots with artists such as Basement Jaxx and Faithless in the UK have placed him in a unique position on the world stage. With over three million albums sold worldwide, Pvd’s hugely successful recording career matches any of dance music’s biggest stars and queues outside any event bearing his name bear testament to his unprecedented and immense popularity.

On Friday the 7th of March, Paul van Dyk will be performing at Atmospheer nightclub in Cape Town before he heads to Wild Waters in Johannesburg on Saturday the 8th of March for the city’s legendary, outdoor daytime dance event, “H2O”

The opportunity to see a veteran DJ of this calibre at work is not to be missed.

For additional information on Paul van Dyk please visit:

www.paulvandyk.com

www.myspace.com/paulvandyk

www.sheermusic.co.za (Sheer Music is the South African record label for Paul van Dyk)

If you do need to contact someone about the Cape Town event then please see below:

After hours:

Vanessa Holliday

Tel: 082 336 3243

E-mail: [email protected]

Website: www.atmospheer.com

Sean Lloyd

Editor