I have always seen South African humour as quite a great thing and it is not only limited to the normal people but to the people who run the country as well. I think it’s good that we have a sense of humour about us because it would be seriously boring if we had someone like the Queen running this shindig. We would never laugh!

But luckily I live in South Africa and we do get some quality comedians coming through the ranks.

First up is our Minerals and Energy Minister Buyelwa Sonjica. This chick is hilarious! Wednesday this week came round and she was speaking to parliament. Naturally parliament has politicians in it and when it gets to the middle of the week, their blood sugar levels are shot from eating pies and drinking Coke and they need something to be perked up.

Which is where our girl Buyelwa comes in to lighten up everyones day. Speaking on the energy crisis and how to save electricity, Buyelwa came up with something that I would have thought would have come from the mouth of a 1st grader. I thought she was stupid but then I realised that her tongue was firmly in her cheek! I mean, it’s QUITE obvious that she is having us on here. I’m sure when she said this many of the politicians that were asleep would have woken up to look for hidden microphones and cameras.

Alas I don’t think there were any, but Buyelwa was just having a little private joke with herself, and in the process had me amused. So to save electricity, and I quote her first sentence:

“Go to sleep earlier so that you can grow and be cleverer.”

No. No it’s not possible. Are you serious?

Whhhooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooo hooooooooooooo! Heeeeeeee ha ha ha!

Buyelwa, you are in the same league as Ricky Gervais, you are an absolute cracker! What a corker of a joke! Honestly, if we are on some sort of hidden camera show, that is TOP quality coming from South Africa. I’m so used to the budget humour found on Laugh Out Loud! that this is truly something to behold.

Ricky Gervais- Inspiring South Africa

I salute you my girl, and this weeks SLXS Top Humour Award goes to you darling. Keep up the good work but you might want to look at a career change. Comedy is your forte.

“grow and be cleverer”

Classic!

Source:

Buyelwa the joke maker- NEWS 24

Someone who is sharing the award this week is the South African Football Association vice president Chief Mwelo Nonkonyana.

Mwelo has obviously taken a leaf out of Jake Whites book and gone for the whole vibe of showing supreme confidence in his team. However Mwelo, Jake actually had a plan and he knew it could work. Jake was a mastermind. You however, are an absolute fool!

And to quote Mwelo on why he is not that intelligent:

“I believe South Africa will win the World Cup in 2010″

OH

MY

GREATNESS!

Mwelo, I don’t quite know how to ask this, but did Ricky Gervais adopt you when you were younger, because you are OFF THE HOOK! You are hysterical buddy! I just phoned my gran to tell her this and I heard her falling off her zimmer frame. At first I thought she had hurt herself but then I heard her laughing! She can’t even talk, she said she will call back later in the day.

Mwelo you are an absolute class act and for that I salute you.

I can imagine how boring it must be sitting in your position, watching Bafana getting thrashed day in and day out. So little comments like this are used by yourself to amuse the masses. I think it’s great! I used to amuse myself in school by telling people that I actually had a girlfriend and that she was model. I mean, if you can’t have it, you can always dream it, right?

There were other times I would pretend to win the lottery and once I even fixed global warming. Oh Mwelo just to throw some comments out there to boost the worlds confidence:

“The world will not run out of oil, and the new batch of oil bubbling up will not cause greenhouse gases but will rather give off water as a by-product”

You know, while we are boosting South Africas confidence, we might as well boost the confidence of the entire planet. Oh and we will walk on the sun. In boardshorts.

No look it’s entirely possible.

Source:

Buyelwa son of Ricky Gervais- IOL

That did lighten my week up a whole lot, what with all the economic recession and global warming and all that rubbish.

But I mean let’s be serious, there is NO global warming and the US economy is FINE!

Honestly…really…it’s cool.

Let’s leave it at that.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Obviously in todays world the word “Coke” is sometimes more commonly used to describe cocaine rather than Coca Cola. So with the My Coke Fest coming up, I naturally thought “Kate Moss!” However, much to my dissappointment, Kate Moss is apparently not attending this years My Coke Fest. Which is a pity because she is that crazy, wide eyed, coke snorting, orgy type of person which always has amusing results.

To be honest, sleeping with Kate Moss used to be a prized thing. Like when Johnny Depp had Kate back in the day I was a plane ticket away from flying overseas and shooting him from the grassy knoll with my 9. Because in those days Kate Moss was innocent and I’m sure her bodywork was in pretty decent nic. However these days she seems to be fond of coke and orgies. I suppose it’s only natural to go on a downward spiral after losing Johnny Depp because if I had to hook up with Gisele Bundchen and then stuff it up I would probably also go into a coke fuelled rage of sex and smut.

I think we all would.

Kate Moss- Schnarfing Columbia this year but not attending My Coke Fest

But I really do dig Kates vibe and if she is willing to fly over here I WILL organise her a ticket. She can sleep in my bed as well with absolutely no worries about me trying to take advantage of her.

Honestly I just want to cuddle. No really…She can just nibble my ear. I would watch her fall asleep and then quietly move myself into the spare room to sleep alone. Like I do most nights.

God I’m joking I would go crazy!

But sleeping with Kate Moss is exactly the same as death because it’s going to happen. Death that is. And sleeping with Kate Moss.

You see the chances of you hooking up with Kate Moss are the same as the chances of you waking up tomorrow. To those people kicking the bucket tomorrow, sorry for YOU! To the rest of you who will be living tomorrow- HIGH FIVE! Sexy time with Kate Moss ahead!

Hooking up with Kate Moss is also the same as death because you will probably die after hooking up with her. You will either die from some STD that ravages at your body or you will die from the coke residue in her house. Or she will go into a coke fuelled rage of carnage and just kill you.

But it would be quite a funway to go.

“Stick insect on coke kills famed Cape Town editor”

No that would not be the headline of the next days newspapers, it would be written on my tombstone!

What? Where am I? WHO am I? Why am I behind a computer? Or am I in FRONT of the computer? When we are on a computer, we are not actually on it. And when we are in front of a computer or behind it, they both mean the same thing.

I’m scared today. I’m lonely today.

What did I write this post for?

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I’m not going to go into any detail about the My Coke Fest at the moment because it’s still a little while away. However, I took the liberty to browse their site and never even got into looking at anything before I noticed they were using Google Adsense.

Google Adsense works by picking up keywords on a page and then customising adverts to what it thinks is appropriate. Obviously this is not entirely accurate all the time as we can see on the web page of My Coke Fest. I saw an ad and I tried to make a screenshot but without iBob around I nearly reformatted my hard drive instead. Anyway the ad said something like “Soda and kidney disease” I took the liberty of clicking in the advert and it took me HERE. The other ad that also appears is ” 10 rules to cut belly fat”

It’s like amateur hour on that website! Here Coke are trying to promote a festival, using the Coke name, and the adverts are going against Coke whole heartedly!

No it’s cool go to the My Coke Fest and drink Coke. Obviously just watch out for kidney disease. Oh yeah and you are going to get fat.

Maybe next time they should think things through before they go throwing adverts on. Let’s be honest, it’s not like Coke really need any more money. And I’m sure they will make enough money on the festival itself.

Do they really need me to tell them that they are playing in the junior league at amateur hour?

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Ja well no fine!

I’m about to give you a link to my latest article that I have written.

To be truly honest I don’t even remember writing it. I probably wrote it in the hours after the J&B Met, when I was in full blackout mode. Writing something like that is very taxing on this fragile body that normally only accepts things that fit under the “leisure and pleasure” format.

Have you ever listened to Eric Clapton on a DVD? It’s good. I won’t lie to you, it’s really good.

It’s nice weather today.

I’m useless today.

HERE is the link.

No problem.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I must confess this is NOT a food website and it might never be. However if the money is right I will take my kit off and do some naked cheffing to earn the paychecks that Jamie Oliver does. Then I too can put on loads of weight and try promote healthy eating in schools.

I’m chilling in Woolworths today thinking how bizarre it is that most of the things in our lives are from overseas, which makes our carbon footprints massive. It’s all very well flying or shipping things in one way, but to make something cruise all the way round the world and back is bizarre. Which is why Woolworths have had me greatly amused with their Baby Spinach. I bought it at the Woolworths in Belvedere Road today(That part is either Claremont or Rondebosch. Not very bright today)

The Spinach was sold at Woolworths in Cape Town, but was under the Marks & Spencer brand name, which is basically the overseas Woolworths. But the spinach itself was grown in Kenya. So if I’m correct here, the spinach has been grown in Kenya. Fair enough. Then it has been packaged for Marks & Spencer which is in the UK. I take it that it has been flown there or shipped there or whatever they do.

Bizarre!

Then Woolworths in South Africa have decided to import it back to Africa to sell in Cape Town.

Is this not a tad irresponsible, considering that the world is fast running out of oil? According to Royal Dutch Shell( I read this in the Business Times, January 27 2008, page 7), world demand for oil and gas will outstrip supply within 7 years. That’s pretty crazy. And here we are flying things across the world when we don’t really need to.

So that’s a bit of a schoolboy error on Woolworths part. No doubt!

It’s quite excessive nonetheless, but in a bad way.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I won’t even lie to you, anyone living in Cape Town and not taking full advantage of the outdoor lifestyle would be a complete fool. Another thing as foolish as this would be letting go of Gisele Bundchen, like our boy Leonardo Di Caprio did a while back. That is in the same league of foolishness. So I take it that you took my advice and have spent some time this summer in Cape Town enjoying the mountain biking. Oh you haven’t? That’s naughty! Well then click HERE and see how you can go about it.

I have been mountain biking for some 8 years now and have never felt that comfortable wearing a helmet because I always look like the biggest loser on earth(Insert joke here about how I am the biggest loser on earth) For years I cycled with those R200 helmets and always felt like I looked like a clown.

Then last year I decided to start looking for something a little more rock star and visited our guys at Olympic Cycles. Being a bit of a Lance Armstrong fan I looked through the selection of Giro Helmets and tested the Giro Pneumo and the Giro Atmos. However, for their price I did not find them comfortable at all. I then started chatting with Mac and Jason at Olympic Cycles and they recommended that I try the Bell Sweep helmet.

Teenage desire is built INTO the Bell Sweep R

I had seen the Bell Sweep being used in the Tour de France but had never really considered Bell as a choice in helmet.

Lances view of me on Mont Ventoux

I slammed the Bell Sweep on and immediately it just felt right. It did not move around on my head and was the best fit I have ever tried. To date it is still the best helmet I have ever used. The adjustment system on the back is child’s play(As in simple, Michael Jackson) and in seconds the helmet is fitted with the help of the harness on the back which stabilises the helmet. Mountain bikers generally use helmets with visors but I have never seen the point in these as they don’t offer much sun protection. Besides I wear my Dragon Rake riding sunglasses so I don’t need a visor.

I also prefer the cleaner look of a helmet without a visor as it makes you look much sleaker and faster. Obviously when trying on a helmet you need to find one in your price range, but sometimes it is well worth going out of your price range for something that can save your life. Always try on the helmet at a shop manned by qualified staff such as those at Olympic Cycles. They can help you select the ones with the best fit and as each manufacturer will have a slightly different casting shape, it’s worth having a look at different manufacturers. I have never found Met or Giro helmets comfortable but found my match with the Bell Sweep helmet.

Wearing a helmet is a must and while people have often joked that I have no information in my head anyway(Failed standard grade maths in matric. Parties got the better of me) it is quite necessary that I wear a helmet in order to keep writing the things I do.

So have a look around for some helmets, because it’s up to your preferences and the best helmets are from Giro and Bell.You are looking at spending at least R1000 on some decent protection for the knowledge inside your head. Pump it up to R1500 though to be safe. Then cycle safe in the knowledge that the best scientists are living ON your head, protecting it for when you fall.

Pay Olympic Cycles a visit at:

67 Lansdowne Road

Claremont

Cape Town

South Africa

Or e-mail: [email protected]

Alternatively give them a call on: 021 671 5008

Speak to Mac or Jason, I always do.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

PLEASE NOTE: Obviously as you know I would never attend a prestigious Cape Town event such as the 2008 J&B Met. Therefore I was not there this year and therefore am in no way responsible for the actions of the characters described in this fictional piece. I have obviously made the entire story up and have been furnished with photos from the event by my many connections. Thank you.

The 2008 J&B Met

So here is what probably would have happened. We would have all met up at the house of Lloyd in 3rd Avenue in Harfield Village which is very close to the Kenilworth Race Course. Naturally a champagne breakfast would be had, with everyone consuming a bottle of champagne each, followed by chasers of vodka and orange juice. We might have heard a story from a guy called Shaun whose domestic worker got pregnant. She might have phoned him to say the child had been born and he would have asked whether it was a boy or a girl.

She would say it was a boy. He’d ask what it’s name was.

“It’s name is Shaun!”

Quality.

Girls would arrive, I would stare, I would drink more.We would be in the sun until approximately 1:42 after which we would take the 5 minute walk down to the race course for the 2008 J&B Met. Somebody would walk to the furthest point of the gate possible and throw a 2 litre box of wine over the wall to be collected later. We would all pack our Red Herrings in order to deceive the security guards. After gaining entry we would have walked to the 2 litre “papsak” and put it in one of the angels handbags.

Entrance would be a spectacle as we were hounded by the photogs, all wanting a piece of us. There would literally be more beautiful people there than you have ever seen in your life. Taking a wild guess Schalk Burger would be in attendance and he would be getting asked for photos. He would oblige with the classic Schalk Burger smile.

Racing would start and once again we would be so out of our trees that we would miss every single race and not even bet on any horses because the stumble to the betting totes would be halted by our complete inability to walk. Our bodies would have basic functions on the day of the 2008 J&B Met such as mumbling, staring and drinking.

It would have been a hot day

Later on, tired of standing on the sun with all the plebbs we would totally abuse the SLXS good name to gain access into areas that we realise are forbidden to anyone other than the top brass of government. We would marvel at the food and drink on display and totally go wild. Asked what the hell we were doing there by some people we would reply “Listen, sit down before I have you escorted out of here” This was not us speaking though, it was the champagne breakfast.

A place like Mavericks would probably have kitted out a motorbike with a naked women, who from a distance would look like a real women. The excitement would be indescribable until on closer inspection it would be a fake bird and dreams would be shattered.

Ride it hard

We would only take about four photos during the day because we would be so engrossed with the talent criss crossing the lush green lawn at the Kenilworth race course. Speaking would turn out to be a problem later as we would be playing in a different league. Breast enhancements would totally distract the conversation as we would mutter and mumble our way through conversations, grossly inflating our importance in the world and saying nothing about our work other than to quietly mention that we are “moguls”

We would completely miss every horse race and would not even see the race course for the better part of the day as the tents served up snacks and drinks at a rate to make a gunnery sergeant proud. Numbers would be taken of people, and we would later see these numbers in our phones and not have a clue as to who the faces were behind these numbers.

We would miss some people during the day.

Nobody would know what Connect Couture meant and some guy and his girlfriend would come dressed in a leather bondage outfit, pretty much like a gimp. Unable to control my laughter I would laugh at them as they walked past and I would feel bad about it realising that they are just like any normal people. Except with a fetish for leather and pain.

The day would be completely lost on me as I realise that I have been standing in the sun for hours and hours. I would take a look around and realise that I am all on my own and I would wonder how long I have been by myself for, standing with a drink in my hand. I would have forgotten all the conversations I had. People would not respond to my phone calls as they would have realised that I was speaking Japanese at this stage of the day. I would have an ill look on my face and try walk back to the house by myself at about 7pm.

Getting lost I would walk all the way to the bottom of 2nd Avenue and then only realise I’m supposed to be at the top of Third Avenue. I would walk aimlessly for about 20 minutes. Entering the house I would set the alarm off and completely forget the code. I would wait another twenty minutes before calling to find out the alarm code. The cops would arrive and I would have to explain that I’m not trying to steal the house. I would realise that they now know I’m drunk because you cannot in fact steal a house.

Falling on the couch, the day of standing in the sun drinking would finally hit me and I would be dizzy. Closing my eyes I would feel as if the world was getting bigger and I was in some sort of a time warp. I would feel as if I was out of my body, looking down on myself. The dizziness would be too hectic for words and sleeping would be unbearable.

I would fall asleep on the couch alone with Dire Straits playing the “Walk of Life”

Sweet dreams Sean. Sleep tight Sean.

The End.

Ahhhh it’s a pity I was not at The J&B Met!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

According to Wikipedia, a Red Herring is a plot device “intended to distract the reader from a more important event in the plot”

And because I’m not that interested in literature, and more interested in real life things that can help you live through the Cape Town lifestyle, I have a better use for the Red Herring.

It goes like this: Let’s say that you were going to an event where they do not allow alcohol, but you know that you need alcohol to get through this event. Hypothetically speaking we could use this at the J&B Met. So you go in with a bag and you know security are going to check the bag.

So you have stored an Energade bottle full of whisky in an empty Pringles box. This is the booze to use. It’s like the horse on the course. It’s there for victory.

The Red Herring here would be your open bottle of orange juice( 2 litre) which would have enough cane in it so that the security guards would smell it. They see the orange juice is open and they decide to check it. They smell the alcohol and say you cannot bring it in. You say “Ahhhh you caught me!” and they let you in. You look sad.

You walk in, open the Pringles and you have an entire days alcohol with you in the Energade bottle.

The Red Herring is a classic trick and can be used anywhere really. It’s used as deception and always proves to be a winner.

Now you know the Red Herring.

Now you can use and abuse it.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

It’s interesting that I wrote in my James Blunt/ Celine Dion post that many people will cry when listening to their music. It’s only natural that you have a good cry from time to time, but there are times when you want to cry, or even want to fake a cry, and you should not be doing it. To help you along in life I compiled this little list of when it is appropriate to cry and when it is not ideal to cry. Obviously as the list grows we will write new pieces on this. I continue to amaze:

WHEN TO CRY:

When you win the lottery:

This is worth a cry, because it will be your last cry. Trust me. Try crying when you are surrounded by chicks, drinking champagne in the jacuzzi on the balcony of your Bantry Bay house after which you will dry yourself off with R500 notes. It’s impossible to cry in this situation, so when you win the lottery just let the tears flow. Then wipe your eyes and know that that is the last time you will ever cry. Great! Bliss!

When her dog dies:

For the love of everything peaceful in this world, show some sympathy when a girls dog dies. Everyone gets upset when their animals die, but not all guys go so far as to cry even if they really do miss their dog and it was the only thing on earth that they could trust.

But when a girls animal dies, just CRY! Seriously, no questions asked, just do it. I’m sure there have been many times when I have been called an insensitive bastard who deserves to die just because some tears did not appear from my eyes when an animal passed away. I think I have even been told that I have no feelings, a heart of stone and that I am colder than dry ice. And that I deserve to die lonely. And also that I deserve to die. Lonely. Lonely. Die. Die. Lonely.

Seriously, that’s how bad it will get if you don’t cry and you don’t want to experience it. Take my wise words and you will not regret it.

When Leo dies in Titanic:

It’s universally accepted that everyone cries in this scene. You probably cried the whole movie, knowing that Leo will die! Also, if you are with your other half and you don’t cry, she will think that you have no feelings and that you are just in the relationship for action, and that in health you will be with her, but in sickness you will leave her. You might also be called an insensitive bastard who deserves to die lonely. True story.

Cry in The Notebook:

Any movie like this deserves a few tears to be shed. If you don’t you get the usual crap about being insensitive and that you are cold and that you deserve to die. So shed a couple of tears for the sake of not getting kicked in the head later. And possibly losing your girlfriend.

When you get kicked in the jewels:

If you don’t cry here there will forever be speculation that you are a girl. You don’t want that. Even if you splash some Energade (Even if it’s blue) on your eyes, make sure some sort of water exits your eyes. Although this should not be necessary. Although most times when people kick me there(Often), they break their entire leg. You see mine is gold because I lost it in an unfortunate shmelting accident when I was the PA to Austin Powers Fajer! They end up crying. I just laugh. Then go for a 10km run. And eat a steak. Bloody. Off the animal.

WHEN NOT TO CRY:

When your plane is going down:

You see, when your airplane is going to crash you never really know if it will make contact with the ground as pilots have been known to do some miraculous things, such as landing planes with one engine like our Nationwide boys. If you start crying in order to try hook up with the girl next to you before you die, you are making a mistake.

Girls are not going to join The Mile High Club with some sobbing little girly man sitting next to them. They want to know that their last time was with a real adventurer, a real tough guy. Like Chuck Norris or McGuyver. They don’t want their last time to be with someone who resembles a 4 year old girl whose Barbie doll has just been eaten by the dog.

If you keep your cool, you will definitely score. Girls dig a guy that can look death in the eye, laugh at it and then get his game on as the plane is about to crash. Plus, the chances are the pilot will do some sort of acrobatic maneuver and save everyone anyway. Trust me, the LAST thing you want in your life is for you to not to die, because then those tears will be a real waste. The girl won’t even give you a second look as she exits the plane and walks into the distance, leaving you with fake tears in your eyes.

If you don’t cry though you will be hopping into a chauffeur driven BMW 750i while the driver(Whose name will be Barton) leaves you two in peace while the champagne spills everywhere.

When you are with the brandy and coke crew:

These guys do not cry, even if Tom Cruise pays their house a call. Tom Cruise is enough to make me an utter wreck because he is so bizarre, but not these guys. Don’t show any feeling around these guys because you will probably be kicked. HARD. In the head. Don’t even look at your watch to check the time. These guys are not interested in time. If I had to wear my gold and silver watch around these guys, I would be kicked. In the head. HARD.

Crying would almost certainly result in death via boot. To the head. HARD.

When a lady beetle drowns in the dogs water bowl:

Enough said.

When Joost and Amor appear on the cover of YOU magazine:

If you had to cry everytime this happened, you would dehydrate. No jokes.

When Jack Bauer DESTROYS someone:

Once again, dehydration would kill you after one episode.

I know this is a very short list, but it’s a start. Everything starts with something small. Look at SLXS when we started. Look at us now. Look at YOU now! Damn it you look good!

Wow that’s nice. Shoo…Is that La Senza? Did I buy that for you? Rad.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

We are playing around with the logos so you should see a change later today. We just need some time. Going on a savage journey to the heart of the Cape Town dream is not as easy as it seems.

It takes planning, preparation…and Eric Clapton.

It’s all good though…

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I actually never wanted to write about this because everyone else was and they were all complaining and saying Eskom this and Eskom that and why don’t we have more power? I’ve never really been too stressed out in life about people who complain because it just amuses me. I’m always chilled out and laid back and if there is a problem I don’t stress but rather just figure out what to do next.

Now most people in Cape Town and South Africa are constantly blaming Eskom for our power supply problems. However, as with all problems you need to look at yourself and see what you can do for the situation. So while I was out and about yesterday doing various groundbreaking things(Ran 10km’s and then climbed Lions Head with the co-anchor. No jokes. It’s true. I am iron) I had a little think over what positives we can get out of this situation. Like Richard Branson, I don’t think along the lines of everyone else but rather just do my own thing.

So instead of complaining, I came up with a few positive things.

Firstly, Eskom have made a bit of a stuff up, but as with anything in life it all happens for a reason. I think it’s brilliant that Eskom are incapable of supplying us with enough power. Granted that in the short term it’s a major inconvenience and the image of South Africa is going a little bit down, but nothing too hectic. I can’t see tourism being affected too hectically looking at the next four days of weather:

I won’t be needing any electricity seeing as though every one of those days will be SPENT on the beach!

Obviously industries in South Africa are the major users of electricity, but as we all need to survive together, we all need to make a difference. I cannot believe how many people still leave lights on during the day when Cape Town is scorching hot. They leave radios on, TV’s and just waste electricity like this each and every single day. And then they complain that we don’t have enough electricity. Well I wonder why?

Our power stations need to burn coal to produce electricity and naturally this is a big strain on the environment. If Eskom are to produce more electricty, that means more pollution in the atmosphere. They say that Eskom are way behind and that we will have power cuts for the next couple of years.

Brilliant!

What this will do is create awareness about how fragile the world is. We cannot just use and abuse as we have in the past. Naturally the people with huge wealth in Cape Town are going to be using way more power than anyone else due to their lifestyles that are equipped with the most advanced electronics. These people are the ones who need to take a bit of responsibility as well instead of complaining.

My biggest wish for these power cuts is that they make people search for alternative sources of energy, solar power being something I am particularly interested in. If these houses were outfitted with solar panels, their reliance on the national grid would be greatly reduced. There is absolutely no reason why every house in Bishopscourt cannot afford to kit themselves out with solar panels. I’m not only saying Bishopscourt, but it is a wealthy area. But anyone who can afford to install solar panels should in fact do so. Look at yourself. You’re driving a R1 million car. You have a private jet. Can you not spend a few hundred grand kitting your house out with solar panels?

Not only will this help halt the inconvenience of power cuts, but it will greatly reduce CO2 emissions into the atmosphere. Other small things like fitting geyser blankets can also help, but how many people do you know who have actually bothered fitting a geyser blanket? I doubt it is a huge amount.

Industries will also be forced to make use of solar energy as they rapidly see their profit margins declining. That is the problem with business- greed comes into play. No one wants to put up the money to run renewable energy sources because in the short term it harms the fat cats wallets. The ones who sit sipping a gin and tonic on a Friday afternoon at 1pm. But with years of power cuts ahead maybe it’s just what we need to kick everybody into action.

South Africa has already come up with a great invention for efficient solar energy. Read up on that HERE very quickly. It’s not that we don’t have the people to come up with the technology, it’s that we need to change the mindset of people. In essence, we need to make it “cool” to use solar power. If I had to ask my parents if they are interested in harnessing the power if the sun they would probably not be that interested.

Just in the same way that most people their age are not interested in hybrid cars or learning about new ways in which we can supply the world with power. I’m always reading up on new technologies because it’s a problem that I am going to be faced with. And my kids and grandkids will have an even harder time if we don’t stop wasting the earth at the rate we are.

We need to make it cool to use alternative sources of energy. We need to make it cool to recycle. Because as with everything, humans need a reason to do something. Celebrities have great power in this regard, because as soon as they start outfitting their houses with solar panels and start driving electric cars, then everyone else wants to do the same.

It’s an entire mindset that we need to change, and just by writing this and creating awareness around the situation, I hope in a small way it can help.

For other interesting things I am currently reading regarding the environment, please see the links below:

Run your car on water- I have no idea how true this is but it’s interesting anyway! Click HERE for the story.

Ships to use sails to reduce fuel consumption- I’m not sure how this works and how they get the kite into the air, and what happens to it when the ships stops. And what happens if the wind changes direction. It’s interesting though. Click HERE for that story.

That’s it for now, I will keep a check on this whole power situation. We need to come to some sort of a deal before the 2010 World Cup! Because it’s going to be HUGE!

I can’t wait…

Sean Lloyd

Editor

In something that has people “up in arms” as some writers like to say, but I don’t, a garage in the exclusive Clifton area of Cape Town has sold for R2 million. This particular Clifton garage was found at the First Beach Terraces on Victoria Road.

Funny enough, Remax are marketing a 39 square metre studio on the first floor of the same building for R1,6 million. I did a quick search and I think it might be THIS ONE that is in the same building as the R2 million garage, but I’m not sure. I got up early this morning so do forgive my slowness.

Personally I don’t see the problem with paying R2 million for a Clifton garage as vulgar displays of wealth are sometimes entirely necessary in this world. It’s a way of telling people that you are not here to stuff around and that you will buy anything you want and that you will take over the world if you want. It’s the same when you go out and buy a bottle of whiskey for R50000. I think it’s cool and I’m letting you know that I’m OK with it.

Personally I think displays of wealth like this just make normal people work harder in the hope that one day they too can afford it. But for the very clever they will realise that you don’t necessarily need to work that hard for your money. You just need to be clever and you can work a few hours a week and spend the rest on Table Mountain, or Llandudno or wherever you want really.

It’s a brilliant way of living life. To show you what this garage costs in smaller terms, I worked out that it will cost you R111111 per square metre. Let’s call it an even R110 grand. I have conveniently measured out 1 square metre in my garden right now to show you what you can get for the bargain price of R110 grand. I have measured it in a universal currency, that of magazines, and you will notice 1 square metre is about the width of 5 magazines by the height of four magazines. It could be entirely wrong but I don’t think it is:

What a bargain!

That’s a pretty big piece of land right there and you can see why it would cost R110 grand in Clifton. To put it all in perspective, Clifton is so exclusive that you would have no problem in coming right even if you said to some belter “Why don’t you come to my Clifton garage?” I’m not joking, you would come right. If someone is willing to lend me their Clifton garage, I will try and prove my theory right. Actually I would not even need to prove it right because it’s so set in stone that everyone knows it’s true.

But still if you have a garage in Clifton then do let me know.

So as you can see there is no point making a big deal out of this whole R2 million garage because it’s not that much money. Considering the persons car is probably R2 million anyway, I don’t see anything wrong with it.

In fact it is this vulgar display of wealth that makes Cape Town so cool! It’s for this very reason that it is worthwhile buying a ticket for R2000 at the Equus Lounge at Cape Towns premier horse race, the J&B Met. R2000 is a pretty sweet deal at the Equus Lounge and and will have you laughing all the way home as people hound you and want YOU to take THEM home.

It’s pretty crazy the way people are throwing money around in Cape Town at the moment, but that only makes it easier to catch doesn’t it? Yes it does!

Now go out and get it.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

As if I’m not emotional enough about stuff such as the J&B Met and chicks running in the opposite direction from me, I now have to contend with this!

Firstly let’s start with Celine Dion. Celine Dion sang that song in Titanic which featured Leonardo Di Caprio and Kate Winslet. An interesting thing here is that Leonardo Di Caprios nickname in school was Leonardo Retardo. Interesting. Very interesting. I’m pretty sure I cried in Titanic. No actually I’m certain I cried in Titanic. I think I have cried every time I have watched it, which is in part to the heart breaking story that it is, and in part to Celine Dion belting out “My heart will go on”

Obviously though I had a boys weekend this weekend at Misverstand where we carved up the water, sat in the sun and drank beer. So to keep my reputation up it would be best that we don’t tell them about this crying session. Naturally you won’t mention the DVD I’m listening to right now called “Music for Montserrat” I’m obviously not on track 11 which isn’t Elton Johns “Don’t let the sun go down on me” I obviously don’t use moisturiser either. Neither do I know the meaning of the word “non comedogenic” in creams.

Celine Dions song “My heart will go on” was naturally featured on the Titanic soundtrack. This soundtrack was the all-time best-selling orchestral soundtrack in recording history selling over 27 million copies. Which means 27 million people were crying. That’s a lot of tears. “My heart will go on” won an Academy Award for Best Original Song which meant that once again…yes…more people cried.

Celine Dion now finds herself playing live in Cape Town(Well just outside of the actual Cape Town. It’s Somerset West) on the 23rd and 24th of February at the VERGELEGEN WINE ESTATE. Once again more people will cry.

To book your ticket for this event, click TICKET CONNECTION. There you can book a ticket for Celine Dion and prepare yourself in advance for if she sings “My heart will go on” If I had to hear that live my heart would probably not go on. No jokes.

Then we have James Blunt who you might have heard of. A while back he sang a song that people listen to when relationships don’t work out. Naturally they cry when listening to it. Between Celine Dion and James Blunt there are a lot of shed tears(Mixing up the order of the words there. Nice!)

James Blunt was formerly a captain in the British Army and fought in Kosovo, which earns him the unlikely label of being a real man and a crooner like Tom Jones or Lionel Ritchie. He even stood guard at the coffin of the Queen Mother. I’m guessing his score/action rate has gone up since he became famous. Piers Morgan interviewed James Blunt in the October 2007 British GQ and asked him the question “How do women treat you now?”

To which he replied:

“Suddenly I’m much better looking and much taller”

Which just goes to show that money and fame can buy you happiness! Chilling on yachts drinking champagne is actually the original spelling for “happiness” and it is a fact that not many people know. But now you know it.

To prove that money will make you more tanned, lean and more hardcore I set up this little example here. Here we have James Blunt pre-fame. This is when he was short, pasty and a bit geeky looking. Guys still see him as this:

Hot

And yet without having to actually get a tan, work out and stretch himself taller, here is the view that women see:

James Blunt today

You see, it’s amazing! That is what fame and fortune does to you. That’s why everyone wants fame. And money. Every now and again though you get absolute shockers who come right with hot girls. Take our boy Lyle Lovett here, playing way out of his league. If he has a league. He somehow got stuck into Julia Roberts. Julia did not have beer goggles on that night. Nor tequila goggles. Nor mineral turpentine goggles. She was on something medical that night.

Lyle grinned as the roofie WASTED Julia Roberts

So it just so happens to be that James Blunt will be playing in Cape Town on Wednesday 28 May at The Grand Arena, Grand West Casino and Entertainment World in Cape Town. Tickets go on sale this Thursday, the 24th of January 2008 and can be bought online at COMPUTICKET

That’s all I have to say for now because I’m going to be spending more time trying to become famous. Then I’m going to score every chick in Camps Bay.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

We all know that the world is in QUITE a state at the moment, as can be seen from the whole green revolution. In Cape Town stores such as Pick ‘n Pay and Woolworths are now expanding their range of organic produce(With Woolworths easily taking first place and scoring the podium chicks) Organic foods obviously don’t use artificial pesticides or fertilisers and are produced like in the old days which means it is kinder to the earth and does not destroy the planet we have been born into.

One of the major worldwide problems is that of plastic, something we have come to rely heavily on. Everything we buy comes packaged in plastic from fruits, vegetables, tablets, cooldrinks to magazines and virtually anything you can think of. We are being told to use re-usable bags for our shopping, but while this might make a difference, even if it is a small one, the world needs to make a huge change. We need to substitute something for plastic, something that is not harmful to the environment.

There is a fundamental flaw in the design of humans. We are just too clever! We managed to evolve to such an extent that we are flying into space, building bigger structures, drilling into the earth for oil to fuel our lives and basically doing whatever we want. The problem is that we were never given a blueprint for how to live life. No one ever told us that burning fossil fuels would destroy the planet or that plastic is destroying everything. We were never told what was right or wrong and so we have had to learn from some monumental mistakes.

In my mind, 2008 is going to be one of the greenest years yet in the minds of consumers. Granted, carbon emissions will probably not go down as places like the USA refuse to sign into things such as the Kyoto protocol. And then places like China open up coal burning power stations constantly which does not help either. It’s not to say South Africa are any better as our public transport system leaves a lot to be desired, necessitating that everyone needs to drive their own car to work. Well obviously not everyone, but most people do drive their own cars to work. Add to that our coal burning power stations and we are also a disaster.

I suppose no one is perfect but it’s the small things that are going to make a big difference. I was chatting to my mate Gary a while ago and we were speaking about Heath Nash. Heath Nash is a pretty famous South African designer who focuses on re-using waste and turning it into designs for the house. From used milk cartons to those white clips on bread bags, he uses it all. Gary was recently featured in House and Leisure, and the aim of his project was to make a design based on sustainability, with Heath Nash as his mentor.

Gary made a light of sorts, featured below:

You see, according to an article in Mens Health Best Life, the world produces some 60 billion tons of plastic every single year. And it basically goes on to say that other than the small amount of plastic incinerated, and it’s a very small amount, every single bit of plastic ever made still exists. If we don’t recycle it, it ends up being put into landfill, thus destroying the planet and having consequences that we cannot even begin to fathom. It eventually starts to break down and enters the food chain, poisoning us.

Just think back to when you were a kid and you had that plastic baby bottle. Your mom threw it in the bin. That bottle is probably still somewhere in the ground, just waiting to wreak havoc. Imagine seeing evil in your baby bottle? When you begin to think about it, it seems the destruction of the planet cannot be stopped. What are we going to replace plastic with?

How are we going to clean up all the plastic that has been put into the earth? I guess no one really knows the answers to that.

What we can do for now is to recycle everything instead of blindly throwing it into the bin.

Instead of doing what I say, you can now in fact do what I do! Cape Town is quickly running out of landfill space. Cape Town has six landfill sites and only three are in operation. So it is imperative that we recycle. Friends of mine who live in Pinelands now have to recycle and the recyclable waste is put into seperate bags which is then picked up from their houses. More than 3000 households in Pinelands are involved in this pilot project called Think Twice.

In November 2007 alone the entire initiative collected 84 tons of recyclable waste in Cape Town(According to The Tatler) It also says that Cape Town generates up to 6000 tons of waste every day, which is to say the very least, a monumental amount!

In other areas however people have to drop off their own recyclables. Which is not a problem, but seeing as though most people in todays world live a life based on convenience, they want their recyclables to be collected from their home.

I believe it will not be too long before all areas need to recycle. We will need all our recyclables to be collected by the refuse collectors. Yet still, according to the Men’s Health article, only three to five percent of plastics are recycled in any way. It also goes on to say that only plastics labelled with a triangle and the numbers “1″ or “2″ on them have much of a life after they have been used.

Consider the fact that a disposable nappy takes some 500 years to degrade, and we are in some serious trouble.

But until something new comes to replace plastic, we are going to need to recycle and that’s what I’m doing here at SLXS, in the hope that you all follow me! It’s the least we can do.

Here is the VR3 two weeks ago, drowning in plastic, paper, tins and glass from SLXS, all going to recycling:

Chicks dig the VR3

I hope we all follow this example and reduce, re-use and recycle.

Sources:

Heath Nash at INCAPETOWN

US not signing into Kyoto Protocol- MSNBC.COM

China open coal burning power plants- COMMONDREAMS.ORG

Geothermal power- WIKIPEDIA

Cape Town landfill sites- CITY OF CAPE TOWN

Souther Suburbs Tatler 10th of January 2008

Men’s Health Best Life June 2007

For links on where to drop recycling in Cape Town please see:

PETCO

Faithful to Nature

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I know I can’t believe it either! It was just under a year ago that I found myself looking for some bling for the J&B Met, and now another year is upon us and another dress theme awaits.

The J&B Met is a little bit crazy, I won’t lie to you. Scenes of debauchery are rarely experienced on this sort of scale. I mean, it’s not an uncommon sight for you to be surrounded by two or three chicks, all vying for your undivided attention, all wanting you. I’m not joking. Here is me trying to hold down the fort two or three years ago at the J&B Met:

Chilling

Two angels, loads of drinks and just poor me trying to sing love songs, show off my physique and still stand after a huge day at the Met. That photo was taken in the evening after bending the day way out of shape. I would later fall into the hay bales.

It’s quite necessary to mention here that there is no point in bringing your A game to the J&B Met. It is QUITE necessary to BE the game. The people who attend the J&B Met are not your average crowd. They are preppy, high maintenance, high society and you want to get in there with them. It is your ticket to fame and fortune and if you can marry someone from one of the exclusive tents at the J&B Met, you can safely say that you will not be worried about money for the rest of your life.

The J&B Met cannot promise you true love, but it can offer you a shot at high society. And that’s never a bad thing.

Scenes such as this, taken last year, are not uncommon:

It’s all too much

You will literally find GROUPS of girls like this, all hot, all sexy and all over you! It’s madness. It’s sheer debauchery on an XS scale. It’s your life and you love it.

For the best tickets you probably want to drop R2000 on something decent. It’s pricey but Cape Towns finest come at a price. You will be hitting on celebrities and drinking and partying with the best of them. You will be kicking it. Your life will change as mine does at every single J&B Met.

The Equus Lounge is this years hot ticket and it is the high society of Cape Towns high society. If you are in there you are guaranteed to score. Click EQUUS LOUNGE to check out the website and then try and tell me that you don’t want to be inside that tent, mingling with the best of the best. Insane!

Tickets for the J&B Met cost R125, which gains you entrance. But for the best in lifestyle excess, click J&B MET to be directed to the website and then click “Hospitality” in the left hand bar. There you will find the best places to be at the J&B Met.

The theme this year is Connect Couture and I have no idea what that means. Whatever you wear though, it will be covered in dust and booze by the end of the day if you are there to party. It will be crazy!

Let’s just hope the parking lot does not catch on fire again.

Sean Lloyd

Editor