A little clip of Jordy Smiths first superman attempt at Camps Bay on Sunday:

Via Sports Illustrated Facebook Group (HERE)

So if you’re keen to check out some photos of last nights Red Bull Nightshift, Andrew Brauteseth took some amazing photos and they’re up on his blog. It’s the first gallery I’ve seen, but I’ll keep you updated with more links as I receive them.

Click here for Andrews photos.

Click here for photos by Somogyvari Photography.

Click here for photos by Craig Kolesky.

The first time I heard about the Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange was at a small little sneak peek a few months back at the Brandhouse offices in Observatory. I didn’t know what was happening, but we were told that it was going to be something unlike anything we had seen before. And when I heard of the concept, I was stoked that I just had to report on the event, because the logistics and planning seemed so big, I wasn’t sure how they were doing it. And as much as some people would like one off, unique events, I really think an idea like this has a longer lifespan than only one single event. The fact that it’s a first of it’s kind means there will be some small issues that need to be sorted out. And by that I mean, people who apply for tickets and then don’t make it to the party.

Preference next time should definitely be given to people who checked into the Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange on Saturday. And people who didn’t should be moved off the list.

But the fact that Smirnoff are innovating in the industry, sets them way, way apart from the rest in my mind. Breakthrough ideas like this are what the global nightlife industry needs. And I think involving the community in them is exactly what they need to get bigger and better.

As a lot of the crew there were saying, these events actually need to be paid for events. As awesome as it is going into the draw for tickets, people just tend to take it for granted. They don’t fully grasp the planning and money and talent that goes into an event like the Nightlife Exchange. It also happened to be Synergy Live, and people had paid to go to that, with the intention of also attending Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange. But because they had drank too much and were too chilled they skipped Nightlife Exchange, because well…they hadn’t paid so didn’t care. I specifically made a mission to Synergy as well as the Nightlife Exchange because I was involved in the media for it, but also because I knew I may never attend something like this again.

I know they couldn’t control the scheduling of it, but it was such a hectic weekend for events. The Cape Town Festival Of Beer was on, Synergy Live was on, and the Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange. I hate being hurt by schedules like this.

But the Smirnoff event was just something else. I had media/VIP access which allowed me access to an open bar and snacks on the night. Hmmmm…this life is good! DJ Fresh was there, Halo Live, Sean and Kenny from MyCityByNight, Stacey Norman and all sorts of other awesome people including Holly from BPM Life and apparently Baglett was there? I haven’t seen her since that time Jerry D met her. Good times!

There was a small section that some people didn’t know about, but Stacy from FD was telling me about this guy, Sven, who is a famous bouncer from overseas. I was actually terrified by him. Why? Meet Sven:

Sven and Stacy — Cape Town

Sven in Berlin (Photo Via)

Ja, not the type of guy you want to mess around with! If you Google his name, you’ll know, that he bounces a LOT of people! So once you had gotten past Sven, you took a glass, and walked down a corridor where an assortment of ingredients lay on tables, and you out what you wanted into your glass., then had a cocktail mixed up at the end of the corridor.

One of my favourite aspects were these small booths that you could go chill in, put some headphones on and just jam so some German beats. I don’t know what they were, but they were amazing! I lost myself for a few minutes in the beats, and would have stayed longer were there not other people waiting. It’s a really cool concept that I just loved.

There was also this, I have no idea what it was! Something about someone pedaling a bike and water and stuff.

In the earlier parts of the night, I spent most of my time taking photos, cruising about and taking everything in. But once Markus Schulz came on I had to put the camera away because he was blowing things apart. I took a few photos and then dropped the camera to tear up the floor. It was good seeing the likes of Mark Jones, Garth and Lauren Peterson, Bo and Lorenzo from Cape Town Alive, Kenny from MyCityByNight and Stacey from KFM. It was honestly like time froze, and we were stuck in a moment that we’d never forget. I still close my eyes during the day and I can see everyones faces clearly…I never want to forget that. People jumping out of pure love for the music, arms in the air, faces dripping with sweat…smiles that transcend any happiness that money and ‘stuff’ can create. Those faces were brought about by one of our basic needs in life…music. And not just any music. Amazing music. Inspired music.

I’m so tired of going to clubs in and seeing a house DJ bored out of his mind, doing it for the money, doing it for the woman. Markus Schulz was having the time of his life, and it gives the atmosphere that is charged with party! I didn’t quite get into the Monika Cruze and ATB vibe, but that’s all a matter of personal choice. Plus, I was taking photos most of the time during their sets, and had arrived late after getting lost coming from Synergy. So my mind was a little lost in translation.

I think to the crew that stayed late and into Markus Schulz set, they really know what these events are all about.

It’ll be interesting to see what Smirnoff have planned for their next event…at the rate they’re going, we can only expect awesome things.

Thanks to Smirnoff, the FD crew and everyone else who makes these events awesome. I’m looking forward to another year of crazy!

If you went to Sexpo Cape Town, you would have learnt a few things. I you didn’t go, we went for you! Here is Sexpo, summed up:

You will want to stare at Jesse Jane. And think of all the crazy things she’s done. She is very intriguing!

Your sex is tame. There was a stand there, and there were guys and girls basically wearing dog collars. There was even a guy there wearing chunky boots, with long hair and lots of leather, and he would spank you with a leather thing. While your head and hands are locked in some sort of brace device. There are people having crazy wild sex out there…and you will stare at them, wondering what sort of stuff they get up to in the bedroom.

You would learn what not to say. If a friend/girlfriend/boyfriend called to you ‘ Have a look at this!’, don’t say ‘I’m coming now’ Some people will avoid you, and others will fall to their knees…

People get loose. Probably the wrong word to use, but people get loose on stage. Normal, everyday people will show their tits. And shlongs. I saw too much man pieces for my liking. But it was hilarious how crazy people get once their clothes are off!

You will want to be a woman. There were an INSANE amount of vibrators there. Like, some serious pleasure equipment. Vibrators with beads inside that rotate and twist and swirl. Heads that bend. Remote controlled stuff. You just want to be a woman so you can try all that stuff…and see what it feels like!

Old people have sex (I NEVER WANTED TO BELIEVE IT) There was a lady, and her husband, in their fifties, eying out the most insane vibrator I have ever seen. Don’t think about this when you visit your folks for a chilled Sunday lunch. Don’t EVER wonder why they are so chilled. It’s probably not because of the weather.

Food and juice never seem the same at a Sex Expo. You just feel like that fresh guava juice tastes different…or has something in it. Mayo too…

Your penis has life easy. Ask Pricasso.

Probably not a good idea to go if you’re single. You’re going to want to shag something afterwards. Better bake that apple pie!

Shaving/waxing is the way to go. I think Sexpo shows you that Bush is definitely out of power. Thumbs up for that!

The videos are interesting. In particular, the sex instruction/training videos. You’ll be so into it, then snap out of it and realize a crowd of 30 people are watching with you. You’re all watching someone get finger banged. And everyone is chilled about it.

You see, you CAN learn something new every day!

So you didn’t really miss anything…if you call this ‘not missing anything…I took some photos on the night, and I’ll make a Flickr gallery soon of all the best ones, for now check these out:

If you missed it, shame on you!

Keep next Thursday open though, we have a surprise for you…

I think before we start off we need to mention a few people. They’re the most awesome crew to have around you, they basically all one team even though they’re from individual websites/magazines etc, but they all rock my world and you’ll be seeing all of us around, everywhere.

Cape Town Alive, Halo Live, MyCityByNight, CosmoCathy, Don’t Party and SmirnoffSA and whoever else you sick people were! Stacky got some rad photos from the night, available HERE. I would have taken some photos had I actually taken a second to not be such a wank, and actually put a battery into my camera instead of leaving it at home…in the cupboard. I promise I won’t make the same mistake this weekend! With parties like this you can never write about them, you just need to be there. Photos and videos are the best you’ll come to seeing what it was like. Scotty (Halo Live) had the Halocam rolling for a good part of the night and some of the footage is available below:

Then also a huge thanks to Stacy, Carrie and Dumezulu for basically allowing us to live this Smirnoff lifestyle and keeping us updated constantly. Sorry if I don’t always answer your guys calls, I just have a huge phobia of phones!

The Smirnoff events are being put on on a scale last enjoyed by the likes of the Peter Stuyvesant and Camel parties, and this gets me amped! They are essentially super parties, and afterwards they make nightclubs seem ridiculously average and boring…except when the two chicks in Tiger start kissing again…well that’s decent.

There isn’t even much time to write as we prepare for a party of epic proportions with the Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange on Saturday. I’ll no doubt be at the press conference on Friday afternoon, then it’s off to Synergy on Saturday for me, take photos, party, get back to Cape Town for the Nightlife Exchange and then see if I can make it back to Synergy on a Sunday. Who said blogging was dead?! Liar liar…

I managed to get some photos on my Blackberry, they give you a general idea of how mental it was, and just how massive the crowd was!

Not a small crowd…

Here’s myself and the Above & Beyond guys, shot to Stacky for the photo! I’ll pack that battery this weekend

See all of you in and around Cape Town this weekend, YES PLEASE!

(Look, this is a week or so late, but Smirnoff and the crew know how I roll. They know that I need to get my mind right for pieces like this. They understand this. While other sites may have banged out an article in like, 20 minutes, this behemoth took me about a week and a half. Let it rain…)

The Grand Café near the V&A Waterfront was in fact the ideal backdrop for the Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange Project media gathering, being set on the ocean on a sort of man made beach. Catering to what I assume are Cape Town’s upper class, I was in damn good company! Nothing like throwing a Claremont boy into the cauldron of elitism, and seeing how he copes. By my own very low standards, I think I did alright. I even managed to look the part in that linen jacket, and those imported Swedish jeans I like to wear. Nothing flash…just understated style.

The Grand Café was probably built by men who drink beer and smoke cigarettes and chop wood on the weekends. Men who wear musk and service their own cars and spend their free time making love.
As part of a select group of media and bloggers, it was an awesome occasion, but weird at the same time. It’s strange how media has changed from traditional sources to a sort of underground mix of people who just love bringing the you the stories that they are passionate about. As bloggers we are certainly under no obligation to cover anything, and it’s a well known fact that I skip many occasions because they don’t interest me and I feel they are of no interest to you. I’m rad like that. Ithankyou!

Which is why everything you find written here is something  I’m interested in, and I really want to write about, which is why I’m part of the Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange Project. It’s a highly ambitious project and I’d love to know the first reactions when the idea came about, because 14 countries swapping nightlife is a monumental project and if I were at the top of the organizational chain for this, my balls would certainly be sitting somewhere in my stomach right about now. It is game changing for a liquor company and something that will surely be looked at in years to come, because a lot of other projects pale in comparison to this. After experiencing it, we may even feel a little ‘bored’ by other nightlife events. In fact, that is my main worry about this project. Life will seem average afterwards…

Fresh and Euphonik chilling at the table next to us, with Rory from Halo Live and Sean from MyCityByNight in the forefathersground

The way Smirnoff have treated the media (Well I speak on my behalf as a blogger) is unparalleled. I felt for their last Mashup Street that we were left a little out of the proceedings, but they’ve invested a lot of time and effort into keeping us fully up to date this time around, inviting us to sneak previews of the event and having us attend the official launch event at The Grand Beach Café, and generally making us a priority. There are loads of other companies out there who like to use bloggers to publicise stuff, without giving them anything in return. Well I’m stoked that Smirnoff are doing things right. And at all times, the Nightlife Exchange Project is really about swapping nightlife and having an amazing time. We have obviously been briefed on Smirnoff as a company, but I never feel we’re trying to be sold the product. Smirnoff are just creating phenomenal brand awareness around an awesome event. They don’t need to try and sell me something. I always feel that if you need to try and force a product, then it’s a product not worth buying. Smirnoff aren’t forcing anything on us and I dig that. We don’t have to pay for anything, and neither do you because tickets can only be won.

The day was a phenomenal one with the numbers being made up by some of SA’s most prolific bloggers including the likes of Cape Town Alive, MyCityByNight, Bangers And Nash, Halo Live, BPM Life and Slick Tiger. Then we were also graced by the presence of the awesome Cathy Lund from Cosmopolitan who is always a laugh. You have to meet her, if you haven’t already. I remember telling her and a whole group of people some fantastic stories of my school career where we drew penises all over the school boards. Everyone laughed. And while at the time I was sure they were laughing at my amazing sense of humour, I realize now that they were probably laughing because they felt sorry for me. Tough crowd.

I won’t lie, the crowd at The Grand are what we refer to in blogging circles as ‘not kak looking’ Every second person was insanely hot and wealthy. Hmmmm…daddy digs.
The mens toilets were a bit odd, after coming out of the sunlight and into the bathroom your eyes haven’t quite adjusted, and the roses in the urinal looked like blood to me at first. Not that pissing blood is bad, because it was after all a Friday, the day after Phuza Thursday. Most of us piss blood on Fridays.
When they announced the lineup my body was so confused. Usually the only time your body is allowed to get that excited, is when you’re in the same room as a naked girl, and she’s looking at you with those attack eyes. So when the lineup of DJ’s was announced (Markus Schulz, ATB and Monika Kruse), my body experienced the same excitement, and the same chemicals pumped through me. I looked around me and noticed that a few people had goose bumps, some people had these massive smiles plastered on their faces, and then there was yours truly.

I had a boner.

I didn’t know what was going on at all because I was so excited. I was just hoping they weren’t going to make us all stand up suddenly because I would have looked like the fiddler on the roof. Once you have a bit of a stout kabout in that situation, it’s pretty hard to get rid of it, because every second person is flashing a bit of bum and a side dish of nip. Luckily I wore my one size too small boxer shorts, flipping the old chap to one side and putting my wallet and phone in that pocket to hide the evidence of my magnificence.
Normally I’m hesitant to publish stories like this for fear of not ever getting invited back to these events, but we’re given one life and I want to live it. Gandhi once said that his feet are like old biltong, I lie, he said that whatever we do in life will be insignificant, but we must do it anyway. So I feel under obligation to publish this story, although I didn’t feel under any obligation to get a hard on. Although the top brass at Smirnoff will no doubt be happy that their event has already produced such excitement in my body. It is some sort of feat of science and instead of being embarrassed, I’m actually really impressed.

Slick Tiger klapping it…

Although I’d love to pass my media pass on to one of you, the fact is, I need to be there. I need to immerse myself in this event from the bar to the stage, I need the people to sweat on me, I need to surf the lazers, touch the people, lick the floor, take my pants off. I need to scream my name, scream their name, scream your name and scream her name (If I can remember it) I need to, for one night only, lose all my composure. And I need to document it by whatever means possible. I need to capture with with my Nikon, my Blackberry, my mind and my keypad. I need to throw myself all over that party like a cheap suit.

Above all, I need to represent. A new generation of bloggers, immersed in lifestyle and culture, out there doing what we love. Passion, writing, photos, words, tweets…I need to capture this for all of you. Because that what I do, that’s what I love, and that’s why you’re here.
If you want to experience what I’m going to experience, you have two weeks ledft to win yourself a ticket. Click that banner on the top of the site…
This event will change your life, blow your mind, expand your senses, take your clothes off and lick you all over. It’ll throw you off tilt,take your socks and knock them right off, it’ll be all up in your face and inside your ears, exploding all over your mind like a technicolour Tim Burton trip. You’re going to be one with the music, one with the crowd, one with the world. This is going to be THE ONE party that you don’t want to miss.

This is the Smirnoff nightlife Exchange, and it’s coming to Cape Town.

I’ll see you there. Clothing and mind optional.

And remember…drink responsibly.

(I started writing this last week, but my health failed me, so if things say ‘last night’, just know it was last week)

Somehow I managed to get into the 2oceansvibe Radio Media Launch party last night and it’s official…do not let me drink.

I basically completely missed the Jack Parow performance because I was chatting to all the high powered attendees. Publicists, radio DJ’s, singers, bloggers…I was on top form after declaring that an open bar was awesome. It’s funny until Sean has his 10th glass of champers and suddenly I’m Leo and king of the world and high fiving people and generally acting like a rock star. Which, lets be honest, I am.

But with great drinking also comes great wisdom and I invented yet ANOTHER drink from Pussy Energy Drink. Look, Seth might be sponsored by them, but we need to take an honest look at ourselves and agree that I should be a marketing genius for Pussy. Last time we spoke we made the Blue Pussy (HERE for the uninformed)

Last night I created The Edward, for all those Twilight fans. It’s half Pussy/half sparkling wine. So it’s a Sparkling Pussy, just like the one Edward sports in Twilight.

The Sparkling Pussy AKA The Edward

How awesome? EXACTLY.

I can’t remember exactly what transpired but I was outside with Charlie V, Jack Parow was behind us, and then I was chatting to Stacey from KFM. We’ve actually known each other for ages, if you call Facebook ‘knowing’ I have absolutely no idea what we chatted aobut, but it was surely quite a laugh because I pissed myself. Jokes. I mean, not jokes about me pissing myself, jokes about me laughing until I pissed myself. I pissed myself because I forgot where the bathroom was.

I’m pretty damn sure there will be an opening shot of me on Top Billing, because when we arrived there was a camera crew in front of us. They stopped my sexual self and Charlie and Taz and her friend, and asked us to stand on the balcony for the opening shot. I hope they edit it, as I had my first carb that day (EVER – FATTY) and my bum was looking quite fat and my face was bloated.

But other than that carb mishap, if I saw myself from an outsiders perspective, I’d totally do me.

I don’t know why exactly we left, as you never know why you leave these parties but I was fairly hammered and was not feeling too hot. There were some photos, and obviously you’ll no doubt see me on Top Billing. If not, I will see to it that a producer is fired right away.

Some okes jaws were on the floor from all the talent, and I know the girls you were looking at were actually dating other people. Never fear!

I’m sure at least one of these girls are single:

Your average Cape Town girls(See what I did there?)…ungroomed and a little harsh on the eyes. No fashion sense whatsoever.

Again, battling in the looks department and not really most guys cup of tea.

And if they’re not, well then that’s bad news bears! The TBG was in attendance, hiding from my lens:

Han visto el TBG?

And some more photos, Jack Parow mos kief!

Parow: Relaxed

Anyway, thanks to 2oceansvibe Radio and The Little Black Book for an amazing hangover and the feeling of my stomach mixing cement the next day. I think I must have passed out doos dronk in a gutter and a cement truck offloaded into my stomach.

I don’t feel great for 25, but hey, it’s not the worst that could happen.

Bring on the next events, and people…keep the invites and products coming, I love it.

Click here for the rest of the photos on Facebook.

Click here for 2oceansvibe Radio.

Sex And Smut after their win

As you know our good friend Trem and Wes were playing in the Mooks Battle Of The Beats DJ Competition this past Saturday at Bonafide in Long Street. I tell you, Saturday was an ABSOLUTE TREAT in my life!

I HAVE NEVER!

While waiting for Trem to play, we were waiting outside in the street. Not wanting to be offered cocaine (Rattex) again, we decided to vacate the street and hit Stones for a drink. I’m not sure what was worse, being offered coke or going to Stones and finding out that the barman was in fact stoned. But I was saying to everyone, that those experiences are the ones that make life awesome. You can go sit at the Mount Nelson and have a drink, which is awesome, but everything is just too perfect. Your barman won’t be on narcotics, and you won’t feel alive when you leave the place, because your life is never really threatened.

When I say I was nervous on Saturday, I really mean it. We were chilling waiting to order a drink, and some sort of Jesus character came up behind us and was looking for trouble with everyone. The barman was telling him to get fucked, he was telling the barman to watch ‘his box’, whatever that meant, then the barman was telling him there was fish in his box. Then suddenly this guy wanted to order a hamburger, I mean, it was a proper lunatic bin in there!

Anyway, this Jesus character scared me a little bit because he had a broken pool cue in his hand, and a stick of burning incence. Crisis alive, it was like some sort of witching hour. The loonies were out in full force. I didn’t know whether to laugh or not when ordering from the barman, whose eyes were blood red and he was just mincing around behind the bar, having the time of his life.

I honestly felt like they were filming a movie, because then we looked to the other end of the bar, and there was a guy who looked like McLovin from Superbad! The only thing is this guy (White) had a passion gap! Like a full on passion gap that is made for loving. But he was there with two chicks. To say that my mind was in an absolute state is an understatement. There was a little hamster running around in my head at full speed, trying to figure out if this was real or if I was dreaming. Then from the nerves (Thinking Jesus was going to shoot us), there was a little Japanese man doing the hammer throw in my stomach.

We decided we should finish our drinks on the balcony, so if there is a shoot out, we can just jump into the street and break our legs. And then get all of our stuff stolen by meth heads.

This was our introduction to the balcony:

Kiff. Deciding that this was enough, we finally headed back to Bonafide, which seemed like a safe haven, the circle of trust, the place where we were protected from the ourside. And we were!

No one seemed to be on drugs, no one was trying to order food from the shop assistants, and the vibe was rad! Congratulations to everyone involved, but it was pretty clear that Sex And Smut were going to win just by the way the crowd were acting. Especially the hammered guy up front with the hat on, I think his mouth actually got stuck onto the tequila bottle at one point. Sex And Smut were drinking tequila and apple sours straight from the bottle during their set…why? Because they can!

And in true sex and smut style, the nipple cream was there, right next to the decks. Obviously!

Nipple cream…I know two people who use this…

If I must let you know, there is a full leather biker jacket there, from Mooks, and it’s the last one and it is SICK…let’s have a look:

So maybe if you ask for a discount you can get it for R3000? I’m just saying…you might be able to get it for DISCOunt DISCOunt. It’s goats leather so you know it’s good!

So anyway, I was super stoked that Sex And Smut won, they’re awesome, but I told you that the other day. It’s also a great concept from Mooks, I seriously think they should look into having a competition like this to have the winning DJ’s play a set at a Cape Town nightclub…perhaps Tiger could do with a bit of variety? Just maybe? Look into it guys, it’s not a bad idea.

We went to Fez later in the night (Saturday) and JEEZ LOUISE is the DJ deaf? There is no way he could have heard what he was playing and thought ‘OMG this is SICK! The crowd will LOVE this!’

To listen to one monotonous beat the entire night is like grating cheese, but instead of cheese, your balls. Or your tits. Since Saturday I’ve heard countless people commenting on how insanely terrible the music was, and I don’t know what makes Fez think that the music was by any standards half decent.

Look, if I was cooking my brain on acid, that one monotonous beat would probably do me good as my heart would beat in tune to it, thus keeping me alive. Other than that, I would rather be hit by a Boeing 747 than force my ears to vibrate to that horror show.

Well it’s a new week now, Fez is off my Saturday party list until the music changes, and we’re ready to kick this week off like a dead leppers head.

Who’s with me?

Yes miss, you appear to be, but please keep your panties on. You’re clearly from the 70’s and we don’t want any bush fires going on.

Keep that to the Australian outback. And Ron Jeremy back in the day. Tell Madonna too.

(Congratulations Wes and Trem…you guys rock!)

It turns out even when you don’t write anything for extended periods of time, you still end up at celebrity events. I mean Fridays shindig was a bit ridiculous…Leo DiCaprio and Mick Jagger and Gina Athans and all the rest at The One & Only in Cape Town. Chilled!

2oceansvibe

Me and Charlie V…I was texting Donald Trump probably

Sean Lloyd and Charlie V…drink Peroni…ry my Peugeot in Benoni. Eet Simba Vetkoek en polony.

Sol and Marina

Michelle, Ciro and Gina

Thanks to The Little Black Book for an awesome event, chilling in celebville! And thanks to Sol for having us all in what is surely a palace of dreams and excess, it’s amazing.

Click here for all the Facebook photos, photos here all courtesy of that link as well.

I’m not sure if you’ve heard of Mark Hunter ‘The Cobra Snake’ but he is awesome!

The basic story is that he photographs all the top parties in the world, shmoozing with celebs and traveling with the likes of Steve Aoki. A Canon 5D camera is all The Cobra Snake seems to need, and he is throwing out a sick vibe! I love his photos not because they’re the best (They’re probably not), but just because of the people he captures and the way he is…he throws it down retro.

Mark Hunter AKA The Cobra Snake

I think with photographer it’s important to bring a sick energy to the places that you are photographing, to put people in a good mood and get those shots. The Cobra Snake was in Cape Town with Steve Aoki and captured some cool shots, as seen here by these two photos from The Assembly in Cape Town:

Both photos (VIA)

I’m absolutely in love with rock/music photography, the energy and moods at these events is insane. It’s not posing like on the Camps Bay strip, it’s raw and energetic and mad and pure. and that’s what photography should be, it shouldn’t be posing in Tiger until you get the perfect shot for your Facebook profile. All photography should be like this.

I love it!

Anyway, thought I’d let you know, but Google Mark Hunter the Cobra Snake and you’ll find some cool interviews with the guy, living the dream, keeping it real.

Click HERE for the Cobra Snakes gallery from Steve Aoki in Cape Town. And check out the rest of his galleries on his website, very cool stuff.

What a kiff oke!

Sick!

I won’t lie, sometimes I have no idea how I get to places, or why I’ve been invited or what exactly I’m doing.

Like those times when you’re invited to fashion events and you see people there throwing out such a mad fashion vibe and you’re just chilling in your Docksides and a golf shirt and your Country Road jeans. You know…because you can.

And you arrive and there is a guy posing the hell out of the Ben Sherman range for the next sale on 36 Boutiques (The Ben Sherman sale is on 12 May 2010). And Colin Moss strolls in. And there are name badges for people from some place called GQ.

Which must stand for Guest Queue, they’re probably an elite service for people who pay to skip queues. We should check them out!

And then you’re like, well this is surely the only badge that matters…

Sick leather notepad from 36 Boutiques!

And so I found myself mincing amongst God knows who at the 36 Boutiques Launch in Woodstock last week Thursday. Now I’ll let you know, I know nothing about fashion. I mean, I’m not into the khaki look and do have some direction of style, but I’m not a fashionista.

What I do know is that I love a sale just as much as you do! And that’s what 36 Boutiques is all about. I won’t go into the details, but you can catch up with all the details over HERE.

Basically 36 Boutiques offer designer fashion on serious sale, between 20% and 80% off the regular price. The sales take place for 36 hours only and you need to be registered to take part in the sales. Girls…have…you…ever?!

Because I’ve NEVER!

The launch was peppered with more food that you could possibly handle and I’m not a fish fan…but that pickled fish…my word! And those chicken wraps? TO-DIE-FOR. (As we pepper our conversation with fashionista/elite society speak)

The great thing with fashion is that you can live in a trash can, drive a dumpster but still walk down the street, casually drawing on a smoke, looking at people with that look while you feel like a million bucks. Fashion does that!

I always feel like a million bucks when my feet are delicately wrapped in R2500 worth of Energie shoes, while R7000 worth of Michel Herbelin tells me what time it is, even though time is of no issue to me.

It’s the feeling it gives me!

And you too can feel what I feel, just for less, it’s great.

Click HERE for the 36 Boutiques website, where you can register and roll like the millionaires minus the stupid working hours and Amex Black cards.

I basically left the 36 Boutiques event and went straight home, changed, kicked someone in the head, ate a Red Bull, drank some chicken, messaged Andrew Bourne and kicked through at pace and threw on some Sex Panther.

You see, I’ve recently fallen in love, and my latest love affair is with The Assembly in Cape Town.

Locnville live at The Assembly

There is no feeling like it! I don’t take acid and then go “Oh like ja dude like the energy and vibrations in this room are synchronized with my soul banana poppadoms. Hey? Like no bru, no one owns the beach, it’s Gods beach”

But there is some sort of energy in The Assembly that is just so good that you can feel it. There are no tools wearing Ed Hardy looking for fights.

No one cares what job you have or what car you drive or what your girlfriend looks like. No one cares how wealthy you are or how rich your parents are. There is no particular dress code, but everyone looks neat and smart and funky.

At The Assembly everyone is there for one thing, to escape work and zone out and listen to sick music and party their asses off. People jumping, people screaming, people smoking, people drinking, people jolling so hard that they’re losing their shoes stage diving.

The Assembly is one of the few places where artists and fans can stage dive. If you can stage dive in a club, you can fall in love with that club. It’s that type of energy that keeps me going back. In most clubs you will have divisions of people, those there to pose, those there to party, those there to see and those there to be seen.

And Assembly just makes you feel like you’re part of something awesome, like you’re a Goddamn rock star teetering on the edge of life, cigarette perched on your lips, skinny jeans, check shirt, long hair, head banging, soul mashing, leather boots, tones of purple and black, women wanting you, guys wanting to be you. This is how Assembly makes you feel.

At Assembly the crowd is one, and I don’t know how they have done this, because it’s extremely difficult to have a club with the longevity that I (well everyone else too) foresee in The Assembly.

We went there to support our boys Locnville and to see Ayce perform with the guys. You’ll know Ayce as the 20 foot tall guy who features in the Locnville album and his performance on Thursday was sick!

Locnville featuring Ayce live in Cape Town…insane!

Not everyone gets to see Ayce performing live so I was stoked to see our man live at our favourite club with the sickest beats by Locnville. Good to see them performing live in Cape Town.

Chilling with Ayce

Then there was the usual mass hysteria with chicks losing their composure after the show when the Locnville guys came out to chat to the fans.

Minds…being lost by their female owners

Obviously the night ended at the 24 Hour Woolworths in town where I bought enough food for an army shelter.

But you know, whatever, you can’t leave the 24 Hour Woolies without at least your weeks grocery shopping.

And some Barcellos.

In a last minute turn of nut cracking, silk shirt wearing tightness, I found myself mincing into the Artscape Theatre in Cape Town to watch Grease with the family, awesome! Gosh, even my gran was there, WITHOUT her hearing aid, absolute madness!

I’ve always been a  fan of the Grease movie with Johnny T and wasn’t so sure about going to see a musical. Obviously I told the okes I was hunting animals in Siberia while making my own vodka, and not drinking bottled water and eating crackers at the Grease musical. You see we need to keep up appearances around these shallow parts. It’s all we have…

And I tell you, I laughed the entire way though the production! At first I thought “Hmmmmm R350 for a ticket…steep” but after watching it, it was well worth it. Tickets for the shit I watch at Ster Kinekor are R48, plus like R13 parking so that’s R61 and that’s just some tape vibe playing. At the theatre you’re playing for a performance and the cast of Grease were spectacular. For two hours they’re bouncing around the stage giving the show of their lives, and seeing real people on a stage gives you so much joy. I’d forgotten what it was like to see real talent without all the special effects of movies.

The conductor for the band was also a comedic performance on his own, disco dancing all the while leading the band! There is also something classy about going to the theatre, because it weeds out all the commoners you see at movies. You know those kids playing on Mxit during a film, people who have been drinking drugs and smoking doos wyn. I went pretty casual but AWESOME, but I was stoked to see people really dressing up and giving it a good go. People in suits and hats, beautiful dresses, young kids, old cougars, MILF’s…it was the whole Cape Town crowd there!

You never really see me laughing the whole way through a movie, but being to close the the actors on stage, you could see the effort they were putting in and the enjoyment they were getting out of acting. Whereas sometimes you see Megan Fox on screen, and it makes you happy, you wonder how much acting effort she is really putting in. I mean, she’s not trying that hard for the millions of dollars she is making. The Grease cast are really putting so much into each performance, it’s amazing and I loved it. These people are masters of their art and it’s a treat to see them, and worth every rand that you pay.

The dancers, both male and female, were also spectacular, to do the amount of shows that they do with the same energy is really quite phenomenal. They have a massive Johannesburg tour lined up and I suggest if you’re in Johannesburg, you make this a priority. And if you’re in Cape Town, but going to Joburg for business, then make sure you stay long enough to catch a performance of the Grease musical.

For all the Johannesburg tour dates, and to book your tickets, click here. The show runs from the 17th of April until the 13th of June, so you really cannot miss it.

And did I tell you how hot the female cast members are? Smoking.

And the people in the crowd? Smoking.

I think I’m sold on this whole old school theatre thing!

While I can appreciate the guys doing mad tricks in Moto-X and  BMX’ing, it was the trials biking that had my jaw dropping as if Gisele had just called me to her hotel room for a pick-me-up. Trials involves going through an obstacle course on a specially designed bike, and it’s a sport of mad skills, insane balance and bunny hops like you’ve never before seen in your life. The trials biking at Pro-X was the one time where I was convinced not to look at the promo girls, these guys had me hooked. Here are some shots of the days action (Well last weekend):

At this point the riders were hopping, sideways, up these two poles. Mental.

Hopping from beam to beam on the back wheel, chilled

It’s honestly mad, and if you enjoy this sort of stuff, check out a guy called ‘Hans Rey’, he’s done some mad work in that discipline.

Google image him or check his website, pretty decent stuff!

Kids these days can’t tell me anything.

“Invictus was amazing hey, have you seen it?”

“Hey, you listen here you little PUNK. Let me tell YOU a story you snot gobbler! Uncle Sean was alive during those times. I don’t need to see the film, I was there. I was like 10, but I was there and I was drinking beer and eating biltong because at 10 I was a man. I was a man who killed my own supper. I fried that shit up, hot and nasty! I saw Joel drop kick that little bitch”

Actually, an interesting little side note here, I used to live next to Joel Stransky. No jokes! I used to chill with them all the time. He lived in Rondebosch, in ‘Sangrove Close’ Yeah so during his heavy glory days I would just go there and grab a rugby ball and kick it around. We were tight like that. You won’t believe how small the houses there were, but it was awesome. I basically lived in my bathroom it was so small, but that’s what happened.

To those of you near Sangrove during my seedy youth, you will also recall that the forest caught alight one night (The foresty section by Marsh Memorial Home) Yip, that was me! And it was a sparkler that caused the fire.

Yeah so anyway, kids can’t tell me anything.

“Oh have you ever been to St Yves?”

“Listen here you FOOL, I’ll tell you a story about St Yves! St Yves used to be Ignite. I was basically Ignite royalty, myself and Charlie V and The Rog used to kill Ignite. If you came in there wanting to pull chicks, there was no chance because the HMS Lady Slayer that we cruised in on would have already taken everyone. So don’t even ask me if I know about St Yves. Of course I know about it. I’ll tell you something else, I knew Green Man (Oddly enough, Joels old place), the original Tin Roof. In fact, I knew it when it was still next to Boardmans in Claremont.”

OH NO…NOT THE ROG!

But anyway, to say I know St Yves was a bit of an overstatement because I had never been to it since it had been refurbished. But to honour my old tradition of owning the place, I thought it pertinent that we go in with a bang, and leave with a bang. If we went in to St Yves on my first night back there, and didn’t come right, it would not set the tone for a good, solid relationship for the most beautiful club in Cape Town.

The St Yves crowd…chilling!

Inside: Packed, nice!

So myself, G-Bizzle and Matty G pulled in. It’s quite hectic, I mean the age is 25 which thankfully I now represent, and the cover charge is like R80 or R100 which thankfully I don’t pay.

My wingmen making a clear path for me

The cool thing at St Yves is that you only need to concentrate on looks and personality (If you’re a stickler) because it goes without saying that everyone is wealthy. It’s just how it is.

My only problems on the night was some of the DJ’ing. Songs were being mixed into each other with the grace of a gunshot through razor wire. I honestly could not believe what my ears were listening to. Also, the sound distortion was quite hectic at times which I’m sure they can fix quite easily.

On the girls front, yeah it’s good! I actually won the prize for first place, and my prize was a lucky packet from Spar. Because that’s how celebs roll! Well, E-Grade celebs. That’s basically us. But we’re E-Grade ass kicking celebs.

There were some people giving me funny looks on the night, this one blonde girl looked at me, and stared as she walked past. At first I naturally, because of my HUGE ego, thought “Oh she totally wants me”

Then I realized she was probably thinking “Ag there’s that tool who runs that stupid website, ah vomit on my  Louboutin’s”

Well thank you, but vomiting is a great way to lose pounds for a show.

The place is clean and as some of the old guard will know, I’m old school Tiger crowd. Tiger is pretty dirty so going on to St Yves was like upgrading your girlfriend from a Mathlete to a supermodel. It’s friggin’ amazing! And it gives you a happy feeling in your pants.

Our conversation on the night was the usual superficial stuff, because as many of you know, we’re ego driven E-Grade celebs who thrive on judging people. Are they rich, good looking and thin? Yes? Well then they’re cool with us and we won’t judge them.

Oh don’t look at me like that!

Like you don’t judge people!

No but seriously we’re not that superficial. Maybe.

On weekends. When there is a full moon. Then we’re not superficial.

As per usual there were the dance floor players, the okes who are so dead set on hooking up with a particular girl that as soon as you are in the vicinity of said girl, they get in the way. And in their head they’re thinking

“Hey bru, are you checking out my broad?”

But because all they do is go to gym, their personality resembles a bergie vomiting, their intelligence allows them to count to potatoe, and their conversation is peppered with words like china, bru, oke, HGH, protein, pumps, glutamine, gym and the like.

On the other hand, my conversation is all just a lot of awesome. I don’t even try impress people. I just let the general aura surrounding me do the work. And it’s true, if you put out a good, awesome, happy vibe then that’s what you’ll get back.

To go into a club with a gym mentality is only going to attract a whole lot of other okes wanting a fight. If you put out a chilled vibe, you’ll just attract awesome people. Oh and also wear a unisex fragrance.

Chicks dig it!

It’s so mad, wearing D&G La Roue De La Fortune is basically illegal. But amazing.

I was quite tired from work that day, so I decided to just kap a dos on the couch. I mean the place is ridiculous!

The Swear James Dean shoes…sick!

There is a dude cooking boerie rolls on two massive gas braai’s.

I didn’t have one but if it’s St Yves I can reassure you that it’s not like the boerie chick outside Tinners or outside Springboks. These are not made from cats, dogs and snakes. Rad!

I don’t walk into clubs that often where I’m at a loss for words, but I was at St Yves. It’s just so classy, so awesome and so different. I mean, your view is of a beach and palm trees so it feels like you’re not even in a city.

It hands down kills any other club in Cape Town. While I realise the atmosphere of clubs is all set for different crowds, it’s still amazing at St Yves. I’ll still do Assembly because it’s a totally different crowd and feel they’re going for, but if you want extravagance then St Yves seem to get it right.

They just need to fix the sound and the DJ murdering the mixes, and we’ll be rolling!