When the news came out (Which turned out to be a hoax) that some deaf guy had won the lottery, people were saying how awesome the story was, and how there is still some good in the world and all the rest of it. And yeah the story was cute, but in the end it was also fake.

What I really want to see is someone who will put that money to excessive use. Like me, for instance. Let’s look at what I would do with some of the R91 million:

Grab An Addiction

I would SO get a cocaine addiction! Better yet, I’d buy some of the police force, and have them deliver my cocaine right to my door step. We’d probably do lines together while my lingerie models tan around the pool.

“Your order sir…”

Keep Cash ‘In The Attic’ So To Speak

I’d always have a few notes handy to blow my nose with, or to wallpaper the new entertainment room, or to light the braai with, or just to use as drinks coasters. Or just to sleep on. It will also help in paying for drugs on demand, and those quick trips to Vegas, where stopping at the bank is inconvenient.

Reinvent Plett Rage

Plett rage doesn’t really have anything wrong with it I guess so there is no particular need to fix it. It’s the same every year — full of sexing and boozing, but we would totally redefine Plett Rage when I buy Stanley Island in Plett, and host the entire Plett Rage on the island. Imagine the branding opportunities of having all of our drunken youth in one place. You could sell all sorts of things to them.

The new home of Plett Rage

Make Bad Decisions

In general, I would just make really bad decisions with the money, but never to the extent that I’d be completely broke. I would probably be the most awesome person alive if I won R91 million and it would be something that would entertain the public so I would be doing them a comedic service.

Which is why I should have won.

None of this “Oh my life won’t change much, I’m going to keep on keeping on”. I would be clinically insane after two years from pumping too much rad into my body.

I would literally have parties at my mansion where I would arrive by helicopter, then set fire to the chopper after we are all out of it, before entering pool side for our ‘Enter The Horatio: Lingerie Party’

That’s the type of world I envision when I win.

You see that, not if I win, when I win.

It’s quite weird that people are even still asking me what I’m doing next week. Chicks saying “Yeah we still didn’t do that dinner…” and guys saying “Yeah like check it bru how do I pick up kiff chicks?”

I made all that rubbish up, but the point is (And this is true), people are asking me what I’m doing next week. And at the rate my luck is going, the only thing I will be doing next week are players from the Lingerie Bowl and sunsets in Hawaai.

The only person that features in my world after tomorrow, is me. I won’t let anyone know I have left the country, their only clues will be the photos I send them. The photos will be of my feet, some sand, a coconut and vast expanses of open ocean because I will be living on the beach in Hawaii. I won’t tell anyone I’m going, I’ll just go. I’ve always wanted to live on the beach, and I mean literally on the beach and Hawaii seems a good option. I wouldn’t need anything because the beach has always been enough for me. When I’m there I literally want nothing and I miss nothing. It’s where I need to be!

Which is what is happening tomorrow when I close this rollover for good at R80 million.

R80 million AKA Sean Lloyd

It’s been going on a while now and I’m ready to claim it tomorrow. Look, don’t feel left out because we’ll still give away R1 million in cash or prizes, I’m not sure yet. But make no mistake, it will happen.

And I’ll be clever, not like a super-chav called Michael Carroll who blew 9.7 million pounds on drugs, hookers and some other stuff (For real, HERE).

A-Grade Tool

Which is remarkable really, because my lifestyle would not cost nearly that much. Tanning oil and a Speedo would be my greatest excesses and we’d keep crack cocaine and strippers for when we go to Vegas (With baby Carlos in tow)

It is actually beyond phenomenal that some tool can spend all that money in 8 years. You actually cannot begin to comprehend how stupid chavs really are. I sometimes call friends stupid because they’ll drop something, or whatever, but I don’t really mean they are stupid as such. But chavs are stupid, and even ’stupid’ doesn’t do justice to the amount of moron swirling around inside them. Best of all is Michael “Superknob” Carroll saying this:

But he insisted he is just as happy getting £42 a week in jobseeker’s allowance.

He said: ‘The party has ended and it’s back to reality. I haven’t got two pennies to rub together and that’s the way I like it. I find it easier to live off £42 dole than a million.’

‘It’s a bit strange going on the dole again because that’s what I was doing before I won.’

‘I’ve lived the high life but I want my job back and to earn a normal wage. I’ll do anything to earn a pound or two now.’

Carroll’s jackpot win in 2002 disappeared with astonishing speed as the tattooed self-styled ‘King of the Chavs’ lavished several million pounds on family and friends and hundreds of thousands on drugs.

By the end of 2003, he was smoking £2,000 of crack cocaine every day and hosting drug and drink fuelled parties at his £325,000 home, the notorious Grange in Downham, Norfolk. (Via)

You literally cannot scrip stuff like this. It’s beautiful, yet it makes me want to cry buckets. Anyways.

So you can enter the lottery tomorrow and scrabble for the small amounts that are left over, but don’t get too excited about the big one.

It’s got my name all over it.

Oh how we love Savanna!

They are currently running a competition, where the less you do and the more time you waste on the website, the closer you get to winning prizes, with the ultimate prize being a R15000 Savanna salary every month for 5 years.

That’s chilling babes!

Click here to start doing what we do every day.

I was chatting to a buddy the other day about ‘blogging’ and how the blog community is pretty close in South Africa, but sometimes a little too close especially when it comes to criticism. No one really challenges anything someone else says. Some blogs have average posts, and regular readers continue to leave pat on the back type comments, even though the post was so below average that I was prying my eyes out reading the post and the pathetic comments (Naturally with a link back to their own blogs)

Anyway that’s sort of maybe off the topic, but this Cape Town guy Adin Van Ryneveld, with all due respect, must be mad. I really don’t want to come across as the person who shatters dreams, but something about what he’s doing is delusional. While I applaud him, because what he is doing is quite something, there are flaws. He is trying to live without money for 5 years, giving all the money he earns away to others. I am sure he will succeed as he seems to have an iron will and is actually surviving without money. I have no doubt that he will make a success of living without money for 5 years, and in 5 years time he will in all likeliness be a familiar name, with probably TV time, a book deal and much more.

But he says he wants to give away five hundred and fifty five million, five hundred and fifty five thousand, five hundred and fifty five rand and 55 cents by the 5th of May 2014.

That is a bus load of cash! And while I’m all for reaching for the stars and dreaming huge, this is just ridiculous! Has no one else thought “Well that’s just being mental”?

Has no one else read this and gone “Well maybe we should say something?” I’m just saying…

Everyone is applauding him for what he is doing, and that is great, but five hundred and fifty five million is pushing it a bit I’d say.

Adin was featured in The Weekend Argus (October 10, 2009) and said:

“I’d like to get the message across that you don’t need money to live your dream and create awesome stuff in this world. You don’t have to say ‘I would do that if only I had the money”

It’s great in theory, but in the real world everything does revolve around money. While Adin is living in the real world, he is living in a removed reality in my belief. He is relying on people to help him out, people who are offering him things that their money has bought. For shelter, he offers his services as a house sitter, while for food he says people are pretty keen to feed him or invite him to dinner.

In reality, if he says we can live like this, then we’d all be house sitting each others houses and all being fed by each other. Great, so who is paying the rent and buying the food if no one has money?

Don’t get me wrong, I do see some sort of a point in what he is doing, but it is a bit delusional to think that you can live like this and that removing money from your life is a way to be free. Adin is creating a lifestyle that will be sustainable for 5 years, but only due to publicity. In the modern world, it is not sustainable to live without money, because we don’t exactly grow our own food these days, do we? In any other instance, he’d basically be a beggar…but as his popularity grows and people come to hear of his story, big brands will want to help him out and donate things to him in exchange for him mentioning their names.

So he will be back to the real world, where major brands will cash in on his reputation to boost their coverage. He will essentially, in the end, be a slave to advertising. Yes, he is going to donate money to charities, but the fact is he will receiving money from advertising. And as we know, advertising is what makes the world go round. It makes us want stuff we don’t need.

“Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need” — Tyler Durden — Fight Club

Some will say advertising creates a world of greed and power imbalances. But advertising is a major part of modern society and it’s never going to go away, and we do need it.

So Adin’s plan of living without money, will still be about money to a lot of people in the end.

Well, The National Consumer Forum is calling this lottery unethical, ha ha, funny! What is unethical about this boat?

Absolutely nothing.

G-Style found this article over at Times Live, about the new lottery that is coming on the 16th of October. A little excerpt:

Supermarket chains Shoprite Checkers, Pick n Pay and Spar said this week they would introduce Powerball on October 16 at stores across the country.

Brian Weyers, Shoprite corporate marketing director, said staff training was under way.

He said a Powerball ticket would cost R3.50, the same as Lotto, and would be played using existing Lotto machines with updated software.

“Powerball is a double matrix game, which means that on each board of the coupon there are two games. Players select five of 45 numbers on the main board and one of 20 on the second.

“Both play areas are used at the same time. Numbers can be selected by the player or through quick pick,” Weyers said.

It is a known fact that being rich makes you awesome. Being rich is awesome and it WILL buy you happiness. Here at SLXS, I don’t dance around the facts. Money can, and will buy you happiness and that’s all you need to know. So keep on playing the lottery, because when you win it you will know what ecstatic means.

No longer will you be boring, you will be simply awesome as you meander from one activity to the next. Fast cars, big houses, outrageous holidays, it will all be given to you when you win the lottery.

I’m all for a bigger lottery in South Africa, and I’ll play it, because for less than the price of the newspaper, you have a chance at living like a rock God.

On that note, you can also buy into the Euromillions for an even bigger jackpot of sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll.

Click Live The Dream Without Working to find out more.

I must have written this a while ago, then forgotten about it. But I just found it on the Powerbook G4, and thought maybe you recognise some of the signs of a recession:

You use your small lottery winning to go gamble at the casino, and you use your winnings at the casino to buy more lottery tickets

You cannot for the life of you pay your bills, and you tell this to your friends over a joint and a bottle of scotch.

You start going through your Facebook friends, wondering which ones you’ve blown off in the past because they were too average looking. You’re now in contact with them again because they or their parents are wealthy (WHAT? Don’t look at me like I’m guilty!)

You start thinking about marriage, and even researching it. If I marry someone rich, how can I do it without them signing a pre-nuptial agreement and what am I entitled to?

You start Googling family trees, wondering if there is a Lord somewhere or other related to you and on his deathbed and you may just be in line to inherit.

Getting caught for drunk driving now happens in the afternoon.

All your mirrors have been taken off the wall, and all your banknotes are rolled.

You start seriously considering trying to hook up with a celebrity, and even making a sex tape.

You start praying again. Come on, admit it!

You give beggars R20 at a time, even though you’re broke. Karma surely has to work?

Even caffeine highs are seeming unaffordable as Nescafe gets replaced by Ricoffy.

Everyone around you tries to make you feel better, saying “It could be worse. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow”

You start believing in Windows again…the Mac can be sold.

There are loads more, but let’s get off this talk of a recession! It’s 3pm anyway, so what on earth are you still doing at a computer? Especially if you’re at a work computer.

I don’t think we need more reason to compel you into buying your dream other than this story of a South Dakota cowboy who bought a lottery ticket, and won the 9th biggest jackpot in Powerball history. Neal Wanless has decided to take a lump sum payout, which comes in at $88.5 million.

Not bad going at 23 years old.

Neal — Not at work today. You? Could also not be at work today.

Now there will be people sitting reading this saying “Why does this never happen to me?”

Well, do you have a ticket? That will be a good start! Neal Wanless never won the $232 million Powerball lottery by not buying a lottery ticket. He bought the ticket, now he’ll never work again and he’ll live the dream. I think that’s what everyone wants, especially if you find yourself behind your desk right now, hating work and especially that damn boss who has just gone on a nice holiday to Spain.

It’s a well known fact that you attract what you’re thinking about, so right now you’re thinking of winning the Powerball lottery, and you’re going to need to buy that ticket. You can buy it safely, securely and without moving from your desk right now. Look at Neal, he’s 23. He’s chilling!

Funnily enough he bought the ticket in a town called Winner, hectic! He only came forward to claim his prize a month after the numbers were announced, saying:

“I want to thank the Lord for giving me this opportunity and blessing me with this great fortune”

So go ahead, you’ve got nothing to lose. Unless of course those sums of money are nothing to you, then I suppose you can move along to the next post…

Oh, and do enjoy this comment below the article where I found this information! Good to hear meth is alive and well:

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

The average human being was not designed to work, and this has been proven time and time again through science.That science has been proven through celebrities such as Paris Hilton and any other trust fund baby out there. With little to no worries in life, other than when to spend the next million, these people are the epitome of happiness.

On the other hand, people who work for their money go through all sorts of problems which include stress and let’s be honest, no doctor ever recommended stress to get healthier. Most recommend relaxation.

It’s hard to be unhappy when you wake up and look over the azure blue ocean, nicely contrasted by the red Ferrarri Enzo in the driveway, and then look at your Breitling watch and…oh…woes me…I woke up at 3pm. Whoopsie daisies!

Am I not late for work? Oh no because I’m retired at 25…

Click HERE to read more.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I’ve been keeping an eye on this vibe for a little while now and never mentioned it, because I truly never believed it would happen, but it has!

I’m all for crazy, and that’s why I’m mentioning this. There is no point living an ordinary life, because then you’ll just get old and bitter and write letters to the Tatler complaining about the youth. Not for me!

So this dude, Adin is basically going to give all his money away that he earns…for the next 5 years, starting from yesterday! All he will be living on is support and donations, all the money he earns will go to some sort of charity if I’m correct.

Adin — Definitely won’t be drinking The Blue Pussy (HERE) for the next 5 years

I must say it’s a pretty bold move, and something that we NEED to keep an eye on! Come on people, this is happening in YOUR city! Adin is actually going for it. I don’t quite know how it’s going to work, but it’s worth keeping a track on.

For 5 years he will give all his money away! To be honest if I started doing that today I’d probably go mad. How would we afford Calvin Klein? I think what he’s doing is radical, and the fact that he’s actually going through with it is too much for me to handle. This is like watching a reality show play out. I love it already!

So anyway, what you need to do right now is click HERE to go to his website.

It’s a pretty basic website and I’m sure it’ll get a redesign (Anyone sponsoring it? Could be good coverage…)  but have a look over it and let’s watch this show play out.

I’m sitting here with a bottle of maple syrup in one hand and a bus load of espressos in the other hand.

1…2…3…DO IT!

Click HERE to keep track of this whole spectacle.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I saw this at the Cape Town Airport whilst fetching my dearest sister:

Sean Lloyd

Editor