I never actually thought that Woolworths would follow the trend of Markhams in offering clothing made of mans worst material…polyester. It’s a well known fact that I refuse to wear polyester, it’s all hot and prickly and MIFF. Plus, it makes you static.

Have you seen those hosh gangsters walking around Kenilworth, in the sun? They’re walking, walking, and the static buildup turns them into a tesla coil and BOOM. Dead. People think its from drive by shootings, but its actually because of the static from polyester. You also cant be near fire in their Markhams kit because you will combust.

I exclusively wear cotton, not because I’m a snob, but because polyester gives me no enjoyment. It makes wearing clothing unbearable. It is the reason why Markhams can sell ‘fashion’ items at such a cheap price, because polyester is cheap, and rubbish. It’s like ‘Well we spun this plastic bag into a suit, it’s only R600′ That’s what polyester is, it is all that is wrong with the world.

Anyway, Woolworths are supposed to be going green and all that, and yet they are offering the most phenomenal pair of underwear. They are 100% guaranteed to cause a static, sweaty, salty build up on your nuts. They are handy to wear as birth control, as the little electrical shocks are sure to spazz out your sperm. The constant moisture from sweating is also sure to cause swamp rot, on your balls. Handy!

I particularly love hot days with electrical balls jingling in my pants. It is just amazing and sexual and makes me feel all tingly.

I mean, my balls are itching enough after I fell asleep naked and my cat nestled in my crotch.

Why does it smell like seafood?

Apologies for that. I actually have no idea where I am and if I am currently writing this.