I don’t know what it is with Facebook, but it has this unique ability to make people fully retarded and delinquent! It is the only place in the world where you can say what you like, and how you like without worrying what a bell end you sound like. These are the people I hate:

Gods People

Go on, have your religion, follow your God, live your dream. But please for the love of God, don’t preach to me on Facebook! Yes I know God guides you through this depraved and decadent life, but you don’t have to tell me all day that he is your guiding light. Keep it to yourself. I particularly like covering myself in custard and then going dam sliding at night on Table Mountain…this is my guiding light…but I don’t go telling people on Facebook.

Activists

‘Change your profile picture to this to prevent kiddy fiddling’ – No, you know what you should do to prevent kiddy fiddling? Don’t fiddle kiddies! And if you know someone who does, aim your steering wheel at them, and press the fire (Accelerator) button on your car. Believe it or not, you are doing NOTHING to help the world by changing your profile picture to a cartoon, or an armless war victim, or something else of the sorts. All you’re doing is letting me know that you indeed have no brains.
Facebook activism has got the be the most pathetic way of pretending to help the world. A click of your mouse won’t save the world…if you want to feed people, donate money or food. Otherwise kindly die.

Event Promoters

‘Friend’ me, only to send me updates on their clubs parties every 5 minutes. Do you know how ineffective Facebook is at promoting events? People click ‘yes’ and then forget about your party anyway. If you’re going to advertise an event, it better well have an awesome line up of bands, or at least have an online viral campaign that makes me want to go. Otherwise my nights entertainment will be random, as I only plan to go to KILLER parties.

Busy People

You don’t hear from these bell ends in ages, only for them to pop up with ‘Jussus lank busy today, work going amazingly, hurting this deal!’ or any other mention of business or money. I don’t care about how big your ego is or how much money you’re making. If you’re talking about money on a social network, you’re already someone I don’t want to be friends with.

Emo People

People who go on about how unhappy they are because of a guy/girl…sorry can you just quickly pop down to the bottle store, down that bottle of gin, then go rent a gun with one bullet so you can die, that would be great. I DO NOT care that someone treated you like shit, we’ve all got our problems. Facebook is Facebook, not Dr Phil. On that note, no matter how shit someone treats you, don’t put it on Facebook. Don’t ever go onto Facebook when you’re messed up about a relationship. It makes you look psycho, and then none of the girls/guys on your profile are ever going to want to bang you after that.

Ppl hu thnk speling dusnt matta

YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE MORON AND I WANT TO PAVE YOUR FACE SO I CAN WALK ALL OVER YOU.

In actual fact I have just come to hate Facebook. People basically use it to promote their events/egos/businesses and I’m kind of over it.

Can I not just have a ‘decline all events’ button?