It’s widely known that Peddlars is more popular than church on a Sunday and that is why it’s referred to as ‘church’

When people call me on a Sunday asking if I want to go to church, it’s a solid yes.

This church is a little different though and there will be NO reading. NONE!

So we were chilling yesterday listening to the most hilarious story about this siff oke who was chilling and telling everyone about a bird a few tables down at the place they were at, and saying that he’s hook up with her…after three cases of beer, and a bottle of brandy…and probably a bottle of vodka. Turns out, the girls boyfriend is sitting right next to him at the table. BLIND! But it’s true, I know him.

Anyway, in between bouts of laughter and hysterics and an angel sent from heaven to sit behind us on her own, and the hot waitresses, we managed to find a pearler sitting next to us. Smashing a Windhoek…and reading a book.

Chilling to the SICK MAX

While I appreciate his iron will, I don’t appreciate him breaking the rules of church.

NO READING!

Although I can’t quite blame him, I do sit at Kelvin Grove by myself just writing. And from time to time I do the whole solo movie cinema vibe. Because I can!

The following things are acceptable at church:

• Drinking

• Smoking

• Talking smut

• Judging other people, especially those not clearly as wealthy as you

• Chatting up waitresses

• Talking loud so everyone knows how WEALTHY and COOL you are. And how many chicks you hooked up with last night. It’s an essential ingredient to being the most sick and insanely cool person on the planet, to say things loud. And if someone says “Jeez you arrogant”, you just reply “Who cares, I’m rich”

• Telling your girlfriend/boyfriend you’re ‘visiting family and will chat later’ while you get boozed. At Peddlars, everyone is basically family so you’re not lying.

• Getting naked and running around the parking lot at closing time

• Sleeping in your car because lunch time turned into the biggest bender of your life

• MILF Hunting. Peddlars is ripe.

• Trying to hook up with someone who is wealthy (They all are) so you never have to work a day in your life again.

• Consistently using the line “Who cares, I’m rich” This is the one ingredient to anyone’s life. Well anyone who wants to the the best they can be.

Look, these rules are not all endorsed by Peddlars as such, but when you have such an awesome setting and you’re so WEALTHY, you might as well do anything. You own the world, you’re awesome and you will act like a kid if you want to.

And yes, you’ll do a donut in the parking lot as you burn out in your 4X4.

When the world wants to sex you, you can do as you please.