I went to watch The Book Of Eli with my buddy Mike for a couple of reasons:

Jess didn’t want to go to dinner with me.

Storm didn’t want to go to dinner with me or ‘ever speak to me again’

Katy said she would go to dinner with me only if I promised not to try lunge her in between the mains and desserts. So naturally I had to pull out of that.

Natalie refused to go with me because she said I’d probably excuse myself again and just disappear and blame my undiagnosed ‘memory loss illness thing that has a name and medication and stuff like that that makes it real, it’s really not a fake made up thing to avoid paying bills’

So we went to check it out and I was a bit tired from Assembly on Friday night (Ending at Tiger for some reason — BTW Assembly is mad and apparently for the girls clothing is optional) and during the first bits I did actually fall asleep. It was also one of the few times I haven’t bought popcorn because I wasn’t with a girl and there was no use for my famous ‘popcorn surprise’

So I won’t even try talk about the movie because I don’t get paid to actually do real work like that. I get paid to talk rubbish. Firstly, Denzel is sporting a sick ass pair of shades in the movie and if you want them they are R1800 for the regular ones and around R2700 for the polarized. They’re called Oakley Inmate and they seem a bit illegal because of the amount of chicks you will pull when you’re wearing them. They have ‘home wrecker’ written all over them but seeing as though it is legal to buy them, then I assume that it is legal to sleep with all the women that will be throwing themselves at you.

What? Albert Einstein once told me over a whisky that you cannot dispute science. And seeing as though God owns science (It’s God’s science), then according to the church you are allowed to take advantage of anyone who lusts after you while you wear these shades. It’s basic science and it’s true and you better listen to me.

So Denzel was wearing Oakley Inmate’s in The Book Of Eli and I tried them on yesterday at V&A and I must say, they are some  of the most comfortable sunglasses around. I find Oakleys plastic sunglasses like the Gascan and Monter Dog EXTREMELY uncomfortable, but the Inmate’s fit securely and the lens wraps around to cover your entire field of vision. I’m impressed with the new range of Oakleys, the metal framed ones. They’re cool and the Inmate’s are my favourite and I’d definitely grab a pair.

And Denzel will literally rip your face off and fry it up with some basil, origanum and RAD, and then eat it. That’s how hard to the core he is. He’s actually like this in real life. He’s like Bear Grylls all pumped up on uppers, downers, laughers and screamers. Coke, E, tik, Vicodyn, Oxycontim, the man packs a goodie bag. He’s holding everything but your main chap.

The other cool thing about the movie is that Mila Kunis (From Forgetting Sarah Marshall) is EXTREMELY sexy in the movie! Cute even. Somewhat vulnerable at times, you just want to take care of her! They way she depends of Denzel for safety is cute. Walking beside him on her skinny jeans. Looking all roughed up because the world is over, but still keeping it sexy. For some reason this reminds me of this thing I have for really unstable women, you know when you think you can fix them? You just want to take care of them and fix their cocaine problem, and their mental instabilities and all that. And then one day you wake up and they’re standing over you with a knife, and you’re like “WTF?” and then they just walk out the room and pretend nothing ever happened and they never mention it again and you’re too scared to speak about it and you think they are going to kill you one day and you get a restraining order against them and you take police escorts home and you always surround yourself by people and never walk alone and never arrive home alone…? Oh does no one else know this feeling. Woopsie daisies, it must just be me then!

So sexy…well enough about me let’s talk about Mila (Canned laughter, readers vomiting at the thought of me. One readers grabs her keyboard cable and tries to end the pain of reading this right away. Another grabs crack pipe and repeatedly stabs self)

Basically my current girlfriend, she totally wants me and you can see by the way she was making love to the camera when I took this photo.

When I looked at her I honestly would have done anything at that moment in the movie to hook up with her.

Is this what love feels like?

And don’t tell me I’m confusing lust with love. I’ll tell you a story, kid! I’ll tell you what love is!

You wanna know what love is? Oh I’ll tell you, I’ll bring it!

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I’m older
Aaaah woah-ah-aah

Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
And through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
Aaaah woah-oh-ooh

I’m gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me, oooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh
I’ve got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
I can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me

Let’s talk about love
(I wanna know what love is) the love that you feel inside
(I want you to show me) I’m feeling so much love
(I wanna feel what love is) no, you just cannot hide
(I know you can show me) yeah, woah-oh-ooh
I wanna know what love is, let’s talk about love
(I want you to show me) I wanna feel it too
(I wanna feel what love is) I wanna feel it too
And I know, and I know, I know you can show me
Show me what is real, woah (woah), yeah I know
(I wanna know what love is) hey I wanna know what love
(I want you to show me), I wanna know, I wanna know, want know
(I wanna feel what love is), hey I wanna feel, love
I know you can show me, yeah

Exactly, now sit down! Oh and go watch the movie, it’s really great, I enjoyed it which is a nice change from the rubbish I have watched lately like that one with the horse face chick from ‘I Wouldn’t Have Sex With You In Any City’ and Hugh Grant.