I was just going through Gazza’s photos on his iPhone because we were testing the camera quality the other day, LITERALLY taking photos without looking and naturally, as teenage desire luck would have it, we got some little darling carrying her La Senza bag. At the moo-vies. Oooooooooh you make me feel so naw-tee!

The chances are she has a boyfriend/is married and there will be the usual threats that I’m used to but I do these things for the greater good.

And this reminded me that everytime I see someone with a La Senza bag (Except a dude carrying his birds bag) I kind of wonder…I wonder what is in there?

Maybe there are little hearts on the panties. Maybe they’re regular underwear, nothing special. Maybe they’re lacy. Black or red?

Maybe it’s something really cool that I don’t even know about?

(This just popped into my head, I was in Cavendish the other day just scoping it out and seeing if anyone was keen, when I saw the cutest thing. There was a girl, walking arm in arm with her mom, but she wasn’t like a kid, she looked in her mid twenties and it is possibly the cutest, and hottest thing I have ever seen in my life. Is there anytihng more cute and awesome than a girl walking arm in arm with her mom? I’ll tell you, I was completely shattered.)

The fortunate thing is that La Senza caters towards a market, that, shall we say is ‘fit’ so once you see the bag you immediately know “Ooooooh fit body” and then you just need to do some facial recognition and you’re good to go. Generally though, every woman I see with a La Senza bag is a bit of a smoker. They know they’re hot so they just casually walk around with the bag and they buy their underwear first, so that for the next three hours, they have guys walking around pitching tents in the shopping centre.

Which is embarrassing for us guys!

I mean it’s fine if you’re a girl walking around with a nipple stand, but do you know how hard (Literally) it is to walk around with a stout kabout? It’s flippen’ embarrassing! And it’s not like a nipple stand where people are like “Awesome did you see that nipple stand. Ok are we going to Nando’s or Steers?”

With a tent pole in your pants, it’s bloody difficult for people to take it lightly. They’re like…

…”OHMYGOD check that oke, whaaaaaaa haaaaaa ha!” And they’ll follow you around, taking photos for their blogs and videoing you like you’re some sort of experiment. It’s also embarrassing because it makes you look desperate. A nipple stand doesn’t necessarily mean you’re aroused, you could just be cold. I definitely don’t get wood when I’m cold so that’s no excuse. I mean you can tuck it up into your waistband, but the best thing to do is roll it with confidence. Maybe tuck it down a little bit so it’s pointing at those marvellous tiles in Canal Walk. And then strut.

Str…

Stru…

STRUT!

Not as subtle as a nipple stand

People will be TOTALLY confused as to what is going on and I may or may not have done this. You see people looking at their friends, stretching their arms out and you read their lips (Facial), and they’re going “That guy is jungle…jungle…jungle is MASSIVE!”

Because people assume that you don’t have wood and that is just how your boy sits. You see, it’s so confusing that they think no one would walk around a shopping centre casually with a wood, so they assume you just hang low like that.

It does wonders for ones street cred! After that you roll into a night club, and word has spread, and chicks are falling all over you, asking for a ‘light’ and immediately descending crotch side to feel ‘just for your lighter, sorry I’m a bit drunk’ It’s actually amazing and street proven.

It’s best practiced at the local malls such as Canal Walk, V&A Waterfront, any boutique shops, Constantia Shopping Centre (Bang a MILF) and Cavendish. Don’t even bother attempting it at KC (Kenilworth Centre) because someone will assume it’s your gat and they’ll shoot holes right through you, and bullets shatter wood.