I was stalking this chick on Facebook the other day. You know how you do it…you are writing on a friends wall and you see a comment on the wall from the most amazing girl you have ever seen in your life.
Just before clicking on her profile you get on your knees, take a hit of Jack Daniels and pray that she has no privacy settings on her page so that you can find out more about her. You get onto her page and realise that not only is she an absolute angel, but she is nice as well. Her status says “Kate loves her new puppy” Good Lord you are cute!
You then get that old fashioned loving feeling…where you would do anything to have her kids. Lots of her kids.
Ok moving right along! I do apologise. There is an intern at SLXS today and she held herself close to me there, her lacy bra rubbing the delicate skin around my eyes. She then said “Sean you will write this, and if you don’t I will shoot you” And man, does she have a set of bazookas on her.
I think there is lots of CO2 in the air today, I’m feeling a bit funny and my writing is all lies. I don’t stalk chicks on Facebook. Neither would I ever mention the names of girls I do stalk. So Kate I won’t let my readers know your name. Not that you know me.
Anyway going a little too far there Sean. It’s time to stop now. Maybe even sit the next couple of articles out.
So I was on Facebook the other day looking at all the rubbish people write on walls. Especially people in relationships:
I love you so much babba I can’t wait to see you it’s been ten minutes and I can’t get enough I love you more than life itself mwah mwah mwah xxxxxxxx
All well and peachy. But what happens if this couple break up? So the next girlfriend comes along and wants to write something on her new boyfriends wall and she sees all these messages from the ex which is NOT ideal. Your Facebook wall is somewhat like your cellphone inbox. Just as you would not want your girlfriend reading all your ex-girlfriends messages to you on your cellphone, so you don’t want her reading your ex-girlfriends messages on your Facebook wall. And she probably does not want to read them either, but she probably will.
The only solution is to keep your love messages for sms’s and the message function on Facebook. That’s the easiest thing to do.
Secondly, Facebook is like a photo album of your life. All photos with you in them are tagged and you can leave comments below them. So you and your girlfriend are together in a photo on Facebook and you both comment on it:
Babe you look so sexy!
Thanks babe you look better though! God you’re sexy.
Ahhhh angel I love you LONG TIME! xxxxx
I want your kids…xxxxxxxxx kisses mwah mwah mwah.
And so the cycle of love goes. Until you realise your girlfriend has been hooking up with Juan, the lifeguard she met in Argentinia three years ago and who now lives in Cape Town. You break up with her. You drink a bottle of whisky. You go on thousands of boys nights. You find a new girlfriend.
But now the new girlfriend has to see photos of you and your ex, and she also has to see the love messages you both left below the photos. Facebook is such a part of most peoples lives that it is like another life for many people. Photos on Facebook are there for all to see. Imagine you had a photo next to your bed of you and your ex, with all love messages on it? Not ideal when your girlfriend has to see this every morning when she wakes up.
So to avoid this tricky situation, keep Facebook love messages to a minimum. I mean, if you two love each other, you will know it. No need to make thousands of comments to confirm it. Send messages. Call each other. Better yet, actually see each other and tell your other half that you love him/her.
Because it’s better in real life. You have a real relationship, not a virtual one. So tell your partner you love him/her. Say it while gazing lovingly into their eyes.
Wow this is getting hectic! What am I? Some chick writer? This is not very manly of me. Ok cool ja okes let’s go get a brewski.
Ja lekker we can go shoot game next weekend. Ja I’ll eat the meat off the animal while it’s still alive. No big deal I just drank a bottle of Jack.
Cry? Cry over a girl? Ha ha ha! Me? NEVER!
That is all ladies and gentlemen.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
