The market

It was decided that after bending the week out of shape I would pay a chilled visit to the Porter Estate produce market in Tokai to settle my nerves. I had decided on the market about a week ago and I told BMP we should hit it hard in the face. So Mike sent me a message on Friday asking if it was still on. Oh it was. It was on like Donkey Kong.

Saturday morning came round and I was not strong like Russia. I was so weak! I had decided to do a run on Friday, and absolutely sent it, while my heart rate shot through the roof and my Polar HRM went off its rocker. Waking up with wobbly legs on Saturday, I shimmied my way to the kitchen and annihilated a fruit smoothie and a variety of supplements, of which 50% of them I probably don’t need. In fact I don’t even really know what they do anymore.

The Tokai market was not as talent plentiful as the Neighbourhood goods market in Woodstock, but there were one or two very nice girls mingling around. Nothing to write home about though, as it was a bit of an older crowd.

We sauntered about, strutting our stuff and came upon the Imhoff cheese stall where it was evident that someone thought that comedy was their forte. Which I might add, it wasn’t. I was minding my own business when I thought I would take a photo of the stall. Suddenly Mrs “I’m hilarious I should be married to Ricky Gervais” piped up and said something like “You can’t take photos here you need to pay and get a permit”

What she did not understand was that I had absolutely bent it the entire week, I had hardly slept and I was on the edge! If I wanted to go to a comedy show, I would have. Seriously, I’m pretty sure Cokey Falkow would have been performing somewhere on a Saturday.

So I said “I’m not allowed to take photos out here in the open?” And she replied, with a nod, and said “Yes”

I then looked at her, and by this time everyone at this stupid cheese stall was staring at me! She realised what an uncomfortable atmosphere she had created and then said “I’m joking!”

Oh yes, ha ha ha ha ha! FUNNY! Good joke! Actually, no one laughed and she ruined my whole vibe. After that I just wanted to take the whole cheese stand and heat it up in the microwave. I wanted to give my mate God a call and tell him to concentrate all the worlds sunlight onto that damn cheese stand. Did that “joke” make you laugh?

Let’s recap on the joke. Put yourself in my Nike shoes. You are about to take a photo. Girl says “You can’t do that you need a permit and you need to pay” That is basically the joke. Would you laugh out loud and go “Ha ha good one! Hilarious!” I didn’t laugh.

I did laugh when I realised I came close to swearing like a drill sergeant. Kids would have cried, parents would have kicked me and I would have looked like an idiot. But you know the feeling…not much sleep the whole week…and then a lame joke puts you at the centre of attention at a damn cheese stall when all you want to do is put your sunglasses on and move around quietly by yourself and not be the centre of attention while playing with thoughts in your head breathing the fresh forest air and thinking you need to sleep more and maybe also thinking of when the next party is and what the concert is going to be like tonight. And then someone makes you the centre of attention. I’m 100% cool with jokes being on me, but at least make them funny!

Life is hectic enough without cheese sellers thinking that they are the next generation of Dave Chappelle. Dave Chappelle is funny. I will laugh at Dave Chappelle.

But other than that little incident I had a great time! I tried some sort of pie which was this vegetarian mix of sweet potatoe, lentils and something else that had me smiling. It was delicious! Products available at the market include eggs, meat, cheese, flowers, fresh bread, vegetables, chutney, burgers, full breakfasts, croissants and there was even sushi! I don’t think we actually want more than this.

I enjoy going to markets because it’s a completely different experience to your regular shop, for obvious reasons. There is just something about buying vegetables and all the other produce out in the open that feels so right. The Porter Estate produce market attracts a nice mix of people, from kids who play in the forest to old men without shirts and some hippie type people. The guy without a shirt was definitely an attraction at the market. Well not “attraction” in that sense, but more of a highlight I guess. Please enjoy the photo below and also notice the sign saying “Please do not feed the baboons” And then they put a picture of a pig on the sign. Odd.

“I’m too sexy for my shirt”

He was just chilling in the sun bronzing, digging the fact that in his eyes he was in the sort of shape that made male model Fabio famous.

The hippies are quite hilarious, and you find yourself being mesmerised by the 30 something year old people, playing with hula hoops in the grass. Probably just before going to toke it up in the forest. Maximum respect.

“Moonshoesies” Feed your inner hippie

I also enjoyed the following stall, selling”Green Xpresso” Oh so that’s what the kids call it these days! Too lazy to even roll it, so they drink it. It’s labelled “Wheat grass”, but we all know the wheat name is there to make it sound more casual, like a loaf of bread. Kind of like space cookies. Similiar thing.

Drinking a joint

So that was it, a nice chilled morning except for the fact that the cheese seller was out to make me the centre of attention when all I wanted was to be left alone.

Gosh! Idiot!

To get to the Porter Estate produce market…let me access my dusty GPS in my head…you go towards the Tokai forest, with the golf course(Steenberg I believe) on your left hand side. You keep going, past the picnic area on your right, and then keep on trucking until you hit the end where the Manor house is. From there, there will be volunteers directing you to the parking, which costs five South African ront.

Watch out for the cheese lady, she is scary.

UPDATE: The market is every Saturday from 9am until 1pm, weather permitting. Also click WHY for the website.

Sean Lloyd

Editor