I guess I was a little reluctant to use this because I know a lot of you who read this website are continually hungover and are likely to injure yourself. But I’m a bit of a fan of old school traditions, and nothing screams old school more than shaving with a straight razor. It lets people know that you’re a REAL MAN! Not a girlie little bitch that has safety guards on his razor.

I’m also reluctant to mention this because a lot of you are maybe not in stable relationships. And not that I think about this too deeply, well actually sometimes I do…

You see, if your girlfriend/wife/mistress kills you with a straight razor, there is a bloody (Ha ha) good chance that she can get off in the court of law by saying she was lovingly shaving your face and slipped and killed you. Whereas if the weapon was a knife, the court will know she was just out to kill you. So look if you’re dating a psycho then don’t take this advice. I warned you…

Enough about that though!

Shaving with a straight razor lets chicks know that you’re awesome and it makes them want you, which is what you want. So, I was scouting a little article on the Mantality blog (HERE), and because I am me, I just stole the article, straight up! That’s how we roll here, doing what we like really. Rebel.

So for those of you wanting a better shave and wanting to score more, use a straight razor. Oh and don’t try shave your sack with this, you will maybe possibly die from a vicious wound. So here we go, how to use a straight razor:

Before you begin

Rinse your face with hot water to soften your whiskers, open the pores, and ensure a closer shave. Lather the shaving area with shaving cream, preferably glycerine-based, using a circular motion with the bristles of the brush to lift the hairs and produce a rich, creamy lather. Experts suggest a badger-hair shaving brush works best, although badgers recommend a ferret-hair brush. Prepare the skin properly and the blade will glide across your face and give you a closer shave.

The Shave
Step 1. Open the razor by gently gripping the handle with your thumb and three fingers. With the open handle pointing away from the face, place your little finger in the crook of the blade for a secure grip. The angle of the blade is determined by the contours of your face, but experts suggest you start at a 30-degree angle.

Step 2. Which part of your face you shave first is your call, but it’s vital to hold the skin taut with your free hand-creating a flatter surface will help the blade glide more smoothly. As you shave, each stroke of the blade should follow the grain of your whiskers and run smoothly for 3 to 4 centimeters at a time.

Step 3. When you’ve shaved the whole beard, re-lather and start again. The smoothest shaves take two passes, but this time the strokes of the blade should run against the grain of the beard.

Step 4. After two shaves your face should be as smooth as the day you were born, but hopefully less bloody. Rinse with cold water and apply a moisturizing balm. In preparation for next time, rinse the razor thoroughly with hot water, wipe dry, and store out of the reach of children and demented barbers.

Bloody hell
For any minor nicks along the way, apply a moistened alum block to the cut. This magical soap-sized block possesses blood-vessel-constricting astringent properties to curb any minor blood loss. A styptic pencil does a similar job, and both are far more effective than plastering toilet paper all over your face.

Mantality.co.za have some pretty sweet straight razors I’m not going to lie! The Edwin Jagger range is sick, click the logo to check out those bad boys:

And don’t be a fool and use some cheap quality shaving gels and creams, because your face is not going to forgive you. Girls love a guy who is well groomed, they don’t love a guy whose face is red because he was too much of a plebb to use good shaving creams and after shave balms.

You see, I’m here for you. Guiding you along through this life, slowly but surely. Mentoring you.

You can just call me dad from now on.

It’s a pleasure my son.