I’m not going to lie to you, between myself and Jerry D, we are online shopping fiends.

I’ve long been a fan of online shopping, then Jerry started telling me that he was using Ebay… a lot.

(Before we go on, when you buy something on Ebay, you may need to pay an import tax. Watch out for this. Generally on items less than R500 it’s nothing, also try having items sent marked as a gift. Bigger items might be hit with tax, which is a BITCH! I don’t know where this money goes, but someone is making a killing for doing nothing. Some tool is living the dream from import taxes. I can pretty much say with 100% certainty that this money is going nowhere good, and it is a fact that no one is doing any work for it. The world is a bad place!)

So a while back I had been using the most killer hair wax/gum/shaper called Fudge Hair Shaper.

It ran out one day, and I actually could not fathom life without Fudge Hair Shaper, so I slapped on a hat and minced my devilish ass down to Style Studio in Canal Walk to grab some more.

I walked in, and put one finger in the air:

‘Slapper, let’s get one more Fudge Hair Shaper!’

‘Sorry your Royal Highness, we don’t have any’

‘Sweet mother of GOD. Wh…wha…what do you mean?’

‘Well it’s been discontinued’

‘Listen, don’t play games with me, don’t tear my heart out. You WILL get more of this otherwise I will simply die’

‘How about I recommend…’

‘SHUT UP! SHUUUUT UP! I’m standing here DYING and you want to recommend something else? What is this, AMATEUR HOUR?! What next, are you going to give me a FOAMY LATTE?!’

I stormed out of there like I was storming the beaches of Normandy, and I quietly sat down on a bench in Canal Walk, the faintest tear forming in the corner of my eye. It burned like hell because at the time I had quite a drinking problem, and my tears were actually vodka. Ever since then, I’ve been living a lie.

Changing hair products like Ron Jeremy changed partners. I’ve always felt like I’ve been cheating on Fudge, but there was simply nowhere to buy it in South Africa. Anyway, since discovering Ebay I’ve gotten my mojo back baby!

YEAH!

Look, I’ve placed my order and it hasn’t been delivered yet, but it has been shipped, so I’m stoked.

In the two or so years that I have been seperated from Fudge Hair Shaper, I’ve used OSIS 4 Play, Paul Mitchell Dry Wax, Redken For Men products, Hairgum Move Matt Wax,  VO5 Extreme Style Matt Clay and many more. Too often, I have to put three products in my hair and it’s a mission.

Fudge Hair Shaper is the one product that trumps them all, it is an all in one solution and it rocks my world. I’ve ordered the mint one, and good grief, I haven’t been excited since that chick took a double take at me in Standard 7. Because that day I knew, dammit Sean, you’ve got game! Many years later I’d be honest with myself and know that she was looking at the 1st team rugby player who was getting into his dads Ferrari.  Bleak days…

But Ebay is so much more than a place to get hair products! If you’re going to be using Fudge Hair Shaper, you’re going to be looking like a Greek God. The side effect of this is that you will have like, at least 1000 chicks every day wanting to bang you. I’m serious, not that this happened to me. When these chicks were banging down my door, I was too busy reading Harry Potter.

But a buddy of mine used some of my Fudge Hair Shaper, and so many chicks wanted to bang him, that he stopped using it. He literally had lost 45kg’s, just from banging. He had a chick feeding him through a tube, while the rest stood in line, to bang him. Ja, for real. So his problem was that he couldn’t work, because he was banging so much, and he couldn’t buy enough condoms. And he couldn’t afford to use 80 condoms a day. But if you do buy Fudge Hair Shaper, you should probably add a pack of 100 condoms to your order. That will get you through probably a day and a bit of living with Fudge Hair Shaper.

The stuff is so intense it should have a tagline saying “Can you handle the BANG?”

It’s like hair shaping roofies, madness.

So yeah, you should grab some condoms, but best you get the Maximum Love ones, you player!

Commonly known as the ‘Shaun Oakes 2 Day Supply’

Other than that, you can seriously find anything you like on Ebay. I’d tell you about the fragrance I’m ordering, but seriously, you wouldn’t be able to cope. You’ll be picking up so many chicks, Ron Jeremy will look like a girlie bitch. It’s the one fragrance I keep secret, because I don’t want anyone else smelling like me.

Actually, I just don’t like seeing woman falling all over an average guy, just because he has a killer fragrance. This stuff is so mad, you definitely wouldn’t be able to cope with the amount of chicks it would bring you.

Anyway, sign up on Ebay, get a Paypal account, and happy picking up chicks you playa.