I remember as a lightie…in fact I actually still remember it from now…the only reason to watch tennis is for the hotties! You’re chilling there innocently with the folks on a Sunday, doing your homework while the tennis is on, and your old lady is really interested in the score. Meanwhile you and the old man are just waiting for Kournikova’s serve to shoot her dress up and show some camel toe. Come on, admit it!

Yes, yes, we all know you, you dirty dog.

Anyway, cyclists also love to show off their packages for some utterly bizarre reason. I’ve never quite had the desire or fetish to want to show my package to the world through spandex. But a lot of cyclists absolutely bust a nut by being able to sit at a coffee shop, post ride (Or sex — same thing to cyclists, only difference is they don’t spend R5000 a month on their girlfriends) while their moose knuckles hang out, dripping sweat from their balls onto their Sidi carbon shoes, chowing down on espressos and talking about lactate threshholds, gruppos, cadence, splits and all sorts of other shit that you should not really care about, because you should care about the ride and the scenery.

As if dropping moose knuckle and camel toe were not bad enough, our boys now seem to think they’re Fabio! Oh…what’s that over on my face…oh howzit I think that what we call Blue Steel BOOOOOOM!!

I bought this months Bicycling just to check on the scene, and the most pornographic cycling photo shoot EVER just happened to be spread eagle in the pages. Check how serious these okes are about life, I bet you the guy isn’t thinking about his belter girlfriend at home, he’s probably just itching to go back home and log onto the ‘Weight Weenies’ website to see if he can get a lighter headset next month. Or maybe, you know, drop a new carbon crank into the mix when he gets next months salary.

This is how they look…ALL THE TIME!

I love it when people are so serious about life that it’s actually a bit embarrassing, you know? When there are more important things on the agenda, these okes are just trying to Blue Steel the shit out of this look, rocking the Moose Knuckle all the way to the sprint.

Our boy putting his sex face on…the same face he uses when pounding on his Selle Italia saddle…for long, sweaty hours. But seriously, what was this oke thinking at this very moment in time?

Why do people treat me differently just because I’m really, really ridiculously good looking?

Can you imagine how rock hard the okes get when they see their chicks on their bikes. Their main problem when their chick is naked on their bike is…how can you stick one in a bike? What lube do you use? What if there is a crack in the carbon seat tube and you spear your shaft?

Life is full of questions.