I loved this in the new FHM:
A little Irish boy is sitting outside his house crying, when a passing neighbour sees him and asks, “Seamus, what’s wrong?”
“Tis a terrible t’ing,” replies Seamus. “Me mam’s dying.”
“Oh that’s awful,” the neighbour exclaims. “Would you like me to fetch the priest?”
“No, t’anks,” says Seamus. “I’m not really in the mood for sex…”
Ha ha ha LAG!
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