It’s amazing that I never get sick after going to the siff infested Tiger Tiger in Claremont. The place is packed full of sweat and the rich scent of teenage desire, with a dose of chunder and guys pissing on the bars. Great! No jokes, one oke was so boozed on Thursday night that he was pissing at the bar, but facing the wrong way, pissing all over the carpet. Thankfully The Mike kicked him out swiftly.

But I put it down to keeping a dirty mind which actually keeps me looking so youthful, and keeping my hands clean with Germstar.

Entrepeneur magazine: Somehow continues to disappoint me

It’s the perfect hand cleaner for the aspiring alcoholic! Because from what I know it is essentially pure alcohol which is flipping handy for when you’re on a boring date. You just take a couple sprays up the nose or in the eyes, your date gets better looking and then you start projectile vomiting which means you will never need to go on another date with him/her again. Especially if you vomit on your date! Instant romance killer, and a high five to you my squire.

Hey? Call me Dr Phil people! I’m a regular shrink around these parts.

Hey miss! Control yourself…there is plenty of me to go around, but I must insist that you wait in line. You’ll get your 3 minutes of The Sean.

Three minutes not enough? Well that’s all I got! That’s a round in a heavy weight title match.

It’s cool though because it actually has a mint scent. You’d think this would be standard issue equipment for going on dates with Paris Hilton, because it kills 99,9% of germs on contact. Great for her undercarriage/drivetrain, which has been known to pick up debris from the road (Going around the block so many times)

They also have a touchless dispenser that you can buy, you put your hand underneath and it dispenses a dose of the hand cleaner, very cool. They actually have these at hospitals. How do I know? Because I was in hospital a month ago for my penis enlargement.

Jokes!

I don’t have surgery for that, I just use this bad boy from Mantality.co.za, the only mens online store that I use and trust:

Hey? Yeah that’s why chicks call you Minute Steak and they call me T-BONE. Pow! Pow pow!

So I just thought it was important to let you know about this hand cleaner, I got mine at Dis-Chem and NO it’s not a chick thing to carry around hand cleaner.

Unless you want to put someones ass in your mouth when next you’re eating.

Oh and do you see how the chicks selling the Big Issue keep the notes in their tits when giving you change?

EXACTLY.

Shut up! Shut your mouth!

I’m right, you’re wrong. Bong!

Sorry, it’s the heat stroke. It really is, I haven’t been in the sun for a while and then I was today, and three Red Bulls, and just stuff, you know, life stuff!

*Sean collapses on a pile on the floor, just needs a hug*

*No one is there to hug him, he cries*

You know, because real men cry too! I can build things! I can eat steak! I can drink kegs! I can chat up chicks!

But deep beneath this playboy exterior, I’m a sensitive boy. Like Peter Pan!

Crisis, this article was pathetic and ridiculous, have you ever in your life seen such horrendous ‘humour’, and writing? Because I haven’t. I’m actually not even going to claim this, my alter ego definitely wrote this because I can’t remember it.

*Lies down*