It’s quite weird that people are even still asking me what I’m doing next week. Chicks saying “Yeah we still didn’t do that dinner…” and guys saying “Yeah like check it bru how do I pick up kiff chicks?”

I made all that rubbish up, but the point is (And this is true), people are asking me what I’m doing next week. And at the rate my luck is going, the only thing I will be doing next week are players from the Lingerie Bowl and sunsets in Hawaai.

The only person that features in my world after tomorrow, is me. I won’t let anyone know I have left the country, their only clues will be the photos I send them. The photos will be of my feet, some sand, a coconut and vast expanses of open ocean because I will be living on the beach in Hawaii. I won’t tell anyone I’m going, I’ll just go. I’ve always wanted to live on the beach, and I mean literally on the beach and Hawaii seems a good option. I wouldn’t need anything because the beach has always been enough for me. When I’m there I literally want nothing and I miss nothing. It’s where I need to be!

Which is what is happening tomorrow when I close this rollover for good at R80 million.

R80 million AKA Sean Lloyd

It’s been going on a while now and I’m ready to claim it tomorrow. Look, don’t feel left out because we’ll still give away R1 million in cash or prizes, I’m not sure yet. But make no mistake, it will happen.

And I’ll be clever, not like a super-chav called Michael Carroll who blew 9.7 million pounds on drugs, hookers and some other stuff (For real, HERE).

A-Grade Tool

Which is remarkable really, because my lifestyle would not cost nearly that much. Tanning oil and a Speedo would be my greatest excesses and we’d keep crack cocaine and strippers for when we go to Vegas (With baby Carlos in tow)

It is actually beyond phenomenal that some tool can spend all that money in 8 years. You actually cannot begin to comprehend how stupid chavs really are. I sometimes call friends stupid because they’ll drop something, or whatever, but I don’t really mean they are stupid as such. But chavs are stupid, and even ’stupid’ doesn’t do justice to the amount of moron swirling around inside them. Best of all is Michael “Superknob” Carroll saying this:

But he insisted he is just as happy getting £42 a week in jobseeker’s allowance.

He said: ‘The party has ended and it’s back to reality. I haven’t got two pennies to rub together and that’s the way I like it. I find it easier to live off £42 dole than a million.’

‘It’s a bit strange going on the dole again because that’s what I was doing before I won.’

‘I’ve lived the high life but I want my job back and to earn a normal wage. I’ll do anything to earn a pound or two now.’

Carroll’s jackpot win in 2002 disappeared with astonishing speed as the tattooed self-styled ‘King of the Chavs’ lavished several million pounds on family and friends and hundreds of thousands on drugs.

By the end of 2003, he was smoking £2,000 of crack cocaine every day and hosting drug and drink fuelled parties at his £325,000 home, the notorious Grange in Downham, Norfolk. (Via)

You literally cannot scrip stuff like this. It’s beautiful, yet it makes me want to cry buckets. Anyways.

So you can enter the lottery tomorrow and scrabble for the small amounts that are left over, but don’t get too excited about the big one.

It’s got my name all over it.