I’d basically make the most awesome mayor in the world, because everyone would be thin (Probably bordering on anorexic) if I were in power. We’d all be eating salad, all the time! No fat, no rubbish. Winter would be no problem because we wouldn’t eat all those naughty fatty things. I’d have everyone on a Spartan diet!

I’m not the mayor of Cape Town (Yet…)  but if I were, I’d definitely bash McDonalds down (Thunder thighs) and open up a Sumo Salad. No more canteen cooking for you my whale-ish darling.

That’s what you’ll have. Breakfast and dinner. No lunch babes.

“Troops! Summon the sumo salads! For tonight we dine in Dolce&Gabbana and Tom Ford! And tomorrow we will defeat fat, and be PHAT!”

*I’m just writing this in the Calvin Kleins. Listening to “Some guys have all the luck” by Rod Stewart. Seductive.*

Sumo Salad have perfectly captured the SLXS eating lifestyle with their line “We put the Sumo in your salad, not in you!”

The Sumo Salad chain was created by some twenty something people in Australia (Gooday mate!) and basically they serve these big ass salads, that won’t make your ass big. They’re tasty and will fill you up as well. Without making you bloated and FAT.

*You sipping your coffee. Talking to you darling. Hope that’s xylitol in there and not sugar*

I think this is exactly what Cape Town needs as their restaurant representation. So whenever Cape Town is mentioned, Sumo Salad is like their official restaurant.

I say this in the interests of public safety. It’s true that big people can break things, and if they accidentally bump into a kid they will kill them. Or they might sit on a child, and kill that child. Very dangerous. We need to go back to eating like cave people, because that way there will be no more weight issues, we will be healthy, disease free and best of all…everyone will have a body that is not sick, but SICKIE WOO!

And I also think Nike should sponsor us all some Nike Free so we can get back into shape. You can run with me baby cakes, I run around 3 or 4 times a week. Which keeps me in shape because this is what’s needed for me to represent Cape Town in a good fashion. I would never be able to promote Cape Town if I were…you know…in a bad way.

I think we should all click HERE to see what Cape Town really needs. It’ll be an investment!

Seriously, I know we have Kauai but I think Sumo Salad needs to be here. At least in canteens at office buildings, just to make sure that no one oversteps the size zero boundary.

Believe it or not size zero is cool. I’m probably a size zero. What’s a 29 waist?

Oooooooh! Naughty naughty!

Yeah…boxing fit. Run 40km’s a week. Eat minimalistic. Be in awesome shape. Represent. Bang. You. Touch. ME.

Over and out.

*What’s ablaze?*

Sean Lloyd

Editor