( This post is a sequal to “Beluga continue their bizarre service” over HERE)

I was maxing a sick vibe in Hout Bay on Saturday afternoon with the most divine bunch of angels in the entire world. You all looked so stunning, and I never mentioned this, but you all gave me a woodie!

So the girls, who hadn’t eaten in a few days (Nice…) decided that they wanted some Beluga, so HB took her chariot and drove myself and the MD, the Crizzler and Jones to Beluga.

We got stuck in traffic as the Cape Minstrels thought it would be amazing to just walk all over the streets, causing a traffic jam that can only be described as a Baghdad car bomb.

AnyDoogieHowzer, our order was made, we took delivery of two platters and railed it home at pace so the delivery could be made to Hout Bay and the girls could eat.

So Zo and the crew are eating when someone asks me what is in the food. I guessed it was salmon or tuna as is usually the case with sushi. I take a bite of one of the pieces of sushi.

Now it is clear to me that Beluga are trying to kill me, or at the very least remove my testicles in a very rural manner, kind of like just ripping them off with no anaesthetic.

I forget what those stupid sushi things are called, like California rolls or something. But as is the case with every sushi joint in the world, you are served fresh cuts of tuna in these California rolls.

And once again, as is the case with Beluga, they decide on their own rules as if they live in a parallel universe where they are God, and they decided to try and take my life.

Listen to this : Beluga, on Saturday 3 January 2009 (I think, will try find the till slip), replaced the regular fresh cuts of tuna, with TINNED TUNA. Tinned tuna that you buy at the corner shop. Tinned tuna that is the cheap ends of the fish. Tinned tuna that you NEVER serve in a sushi restaurant, especially when you have the status of Beluga, where all the cool kids eat.

Tinned tuna : EXCLUSIVE to Beluga in Cape Town!

I thought my crew were joking when they said there was tinned tuna in the platter, but I can confirm after eating a piece, that it was tinned tuna. I can confirm along with about four other people that day, that Beluga served us tinned tuna.

Beluga, if you want to kill us, just shoot us. Poison us. Don’t do this slow death thing, where every time we visit, a little piece of our soul is taken away, and one more of our lives is taken away.

I don’t know if it’s drugs, but it can be fixed. Tik is a very real problem in Cape Town, and if you are addicted to Tik just let us know.

I’ll pay for your rehab, if it means that we won’t have to eat tinned tuna again.

Sort it out guys, you’re on a zero in my books.

Ok make it a 1, there were some hot chicks at the restaurant. Make it a 2 because I most definitely would.

Sean Lloyd

Editor