Cruising around Cavendish the other day on the back end of a mild bender, it was understandable that my eyes were going to be red and my teeth were going to be green. I might also have had a cane aroma surrounding me. Well it’s better than smelling of rum, that is the worst drink to smell of.

Anyway, and I’m not joking here, I could hardly see anymore. A combination of the booze drying my body out, and the shopping centres air-conditioning had my eyes feeling like someone was rubbing them with sandpaper. Gisele Bundchen could have stripped naked in front of me and I wouldn’t even have blinked. Mostly because if I blinked my eyes would have stayed shut.

So I innocently walk into Clicks, buy some Safyr Bleu, and stroll out. I’m chilling there opening the package when suddenly I look around to disapproving stares. Parents were grabbing their kids while running and pointing fingers at me(Don’t finger me!), girls were running in the opposite direction and teenage guys were throwing the usual “You trying to come right tonight?” jokes around.

It was chaos, it was like the bull run!

I managed to take this photo of the chaos IN Cavendish Square 

Incidentally there were a couple of bulls with McDonalds in their hands who were running, well galloping, away from me. Sweetie, trust me, if I were going to spike a drink, it wouldn’t be your 1 litre sugary coma inducing McDonalds coke.But amid this chaos, all I was actually doing was trying to lube my eyes up, not any of the surrounding females.

It’s weird how eye drops in todays world make you look like a criminal…I wanted to stand in the centre of Cavendish shouting:

“I’m not a Peterfu*%er! I’m not!”

But I felt that would have made the situation worse.

Because everyone who sees anyone else with eye drops immediately thinks that they are going to spike someones drink with it. I don’t spike drinks with eye drops trust me…I always use roofies. I pay top dollar to come right. I’m joking…no really…I am.

A simple thing such as eye drops immediately has bouncers at clubs thinking “You dirty son of a bitch!”

So I wouldn’t dare walk into a club in Cape Town with eye drops in my pocket. At various clubs in Cape Town they do actually search girls bags for eye drops and they keep them in a jar at the entrance, such is peoples penchant for spiking drinks these days. I know girls try spike my drinks all the time, but it’s an occupational hazard, a risk I’m willing to take for this job.
Oh well…such is life.

Sean Lloyd

Editor