When I got this invite, from a girl, I thought she was trying to suggest that there was something going on between me and her.

I sent her a message right back:

“Your place or mine?”

“What?” She replied, innocently.

“The girls on top invite”

“Sean I wouldn’t shag you if my life depended on it”

Right. Straight after that I went to the shop to buy some super glue, to repair this shattered heart of mine.

She was actually talking about a party entitled “Girls on top” which is taking place at Hemisphere this Wednesday the 16th of July 2008.

To be honest, I don’t care where the girls are, on top, on the side, at the bottom, whatever! Just…you know…play with my balls, fix me a sandwich and…just stop talking so much!

No I’m lying that’s really rude. Feminists will be kicking the door of Casa del Lloyd down any minute now. Ok, so here are the details on the party. I have heard the Wednesday vibe at Hemisphere is insane, so I’m expecting good things (You know…if I go. I’m really shy and don’t drink that much) If it’s anything like FTV on a Wednesday night, I’m probably going to pull at least three models.

“The ultimate ladies night awaits you as NawtyMedia and Hemisphere in association with Vawter bring you Girls on Top!

On this night ladies will be spoilt rotten with goodie bags, spot prizes, complimentary makeovers by our professional hairstylists and make up artist all the while sipping on complimentary Vawter and enjoying the decadent chocolate fountain. What more could you ask for? Ladies are free until 10:30″

I think it sounds like a plan, Japan!

The one thing that does worry me though are the free makeovers, as it might be deceiving on my eyes after 30 jagerbombs. The problem is, I am quite sought after in Cape Town and regularly have girls slipping roofies into my drink. Not to mention eye drops. They just want me! And so with the free makeover, I’m scared Shrek is going to go in, get a ton of make up applied, end up looking like Ana Ivanovic and I’m going to pull her.

But I have a foolproof way of spotting this. If I see any of those pies eating from the chocolate fountain, and they are good looking, I will know they actually ugly underneath.

It’s a proven fact that beautiful girls don’t eat chocolate. Because a moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips. Remember that.

And if you can’t remember that, then write it down.

And you were just thinking to yourself “Where I am going to go on Wednesday night to score some action?”

Well I have it planned out for you.

What? Girls on Top party

Where? Hemisphere Nightclub, 31st floor ABSA Building, Foreshore, Cape Town

When? Wednesday 16 July 2008 at 9pm, and it ends at 4am on the 17th of July 2008.

Facebook? Check the event invite over HERE.

Smash it. In it’s face. Hard.

Sean Lloyd

Editor