I was at lunch at Greens in Constantia with a pack of angels the other day and not at any one time did it strike me that they actually thought I was gay. I didn’t suspect that, as the only male in the pack of 6, that they thought I was their gay best friend. I honestly thought I was going to sleep with all of them at some point before August.

I honestly believed that.

So these chicks are talking hair(On their head) and what not, and being quite into hair products, I started getting in one the conversation. So I’m going on about GHD’s and split ends and masks and the like when Michelle says to me:

“Are all gay guys this into their hair?”

Well I NEVER!! I nearly choked on my caesar salad right there. So not only did they now think I was gay, even when I explained that I wasn’t they saw me as “just a friend” After all I had at one point or another seen them all naked.

And stupidly, I never thought they let me see them naked because they thought I was gay. Je-zuz. I thought they walked around naked when I was around because it was kind of like window shopping. If I liked what I saw, I could make a purchase.

That lunch turned into the worst lunch of my life. Five of the hottest girls I know are now “just friends”

I actually made all that up, but I had a sneaky morning bender today and there are all weird ideas in my head. Onto the review:

One of the things I never stuff around with are the drugs I put in and around my mouth and brain.

Oh no…that’s for another post. Wait…that’s for my Narcotics Anonymous meeting later today.

Haircare…haircare…ok got it.

So I was out and about the other day and someone remarked on my hair and how awesome it was looking. Because it was. They insulted me by asking what gel I wear.

“Gel? GEL? Does it look like I use that shit? Who do you think I am, some B-grade movie star or boy band member?”

You see, all that stuff you buy from the corner shop contains alcohol and dries out the hair(As Sean recites his hairdressers words and that of many GQ articles)

When another friend remarked that he was using something that cost R30, I nearly keeled over and died.

My hair refuses anything other than salon bought products. Look it’s not cheap, but neither is cocaine and you seem to be able to still afford that.

So basically I have very fussy hair, and it has told me that if I use an inferior product, it will fall out. If I use gel, my hair will fall out. So I need to use something better and more expensive.

My choice? American Crew Fiber. Honestly guys, this is the one product you should be using. It’s not really promoted in Cape Town because it’s not available at stores but it is available to order online from Mantality.co.za.

American Crew Fiber: Put it inside you

For a 100 gram tub of American Crew Fiber it is going to cost you R260 (Somehow it went up by R35 since my last order), but look at yourself caveman. Look at that rubbish you are using. Do you want people to think that you look less than your best? No. Exactly.

The good thing is that you only need to use small amounts and this tub will last a long time. Even if it did only last a month it would only cost you about R7 a day. You won’t spend R7 a day but you will spend R13 for a cup of coffee? Are you sure that’s Canderel in your coffee and not cocaine? Seriously, R7 a day is nothing compared to the amount of action you will get.

Men with cool hairstyles come right more often. True story. David Beckham. Ok he is wealthy and famous but if his hair looked like a wankfest, he might be dating Wayne Rooney right now.

American Crew Fiber is the original and Redken have realised this because they have released Outplay texture putty which is essentially trying to compete for the American Crew market. It should do quite well in Cape Town because Redken is available at salons whereas American Crew is not. But I still recommend the original American Crew Fiber.

Outplay might lead to foreplay

The key to using American Crew Fiber is to towel dry your hair, and then apply a small amount throughout the hair. To do this, take a small amount and rub it between your palms(In the tub it is quite hard), then just apply it all over. This gives the hair a bit of shape, texture and control.

Then after that, apply Fiber to random sections of hair to give it a textured look. What I do is twist my hair into random sections to give it a spiky, ‘chicks fall all over me’ look.

Mmmmmm you like that Candice don’t you? Well apparently so…

American Crew Fiber won’t go hard in your hair and stays pliable all day. It is not greasy at all but rather gives a matte finish and a high hold. It’s what you have been looking for. Serious.

It’s good for any hair type and is pretty damn strong, and if I say that you know it’s true because everyone remarks that I spend the most time of anyone on my hair, and reading up on new hair stuff. Not afraid to admit it then…

Instead of using inferior ingredients though, American Crew Fiber contains lanolin and beeswax so your hair is not going to end up drier than the Sahara desert at lunchtime.

Look if your hair product contains alcohol then you are a fool. I have had my haircut at Evolv, Partners, Edge, Carlton and none of them use inferior products and you should listen to them. American Crew Fiber is the one hair product that I fully recommend and you will want to eat it. If it’s in your hair, you are going to come right.

Think about it:

Non greasy

High hold

Texture, seperation and crazy styles

Healthy for your hair

SLXS approved

To purchase it online (The only way to get it in Cape Town), click below for safe, secure and discreet delivery through Mantality.co.za:

So that’s that right there. Oh yeah…I also decided to get a few other things to add to the collection, bringing it to this:

Mmmmmmm…

I know. Don’t ask.

Oh…there is one more thing:

Chicks dig it

I didn’t spend over a grand though for me. It’s for the girls. Apparently they use it to straighten their hair. A little unconventional as I have always just known shaving and waxing.

But hey…I will give it a go, it must be the trend these days and I will give anything a try at least once.

Shoo that was a sexual article.

Touch it…

Sean Lloyd

Editor