From next week Wednesday from 20:30 there will be no sexy/ touching / drinking / drugging because we need clear minds here. We need to keep our focus and composure. We need to step away from the gang bangs!

Normally I don’t really impose many limits on you and you are free to sex, drug and rock ‘n roll your way through the week as you please. I obviously ask for a degree of normality and ask that we never do coke off a midget hooker…except for Saturdays. Saturdays are a free for all.

I went to Top Gear Live in Cape Town and I didn’t even write about it. There is no way I could do justice to the event in words…all I can let you know is that you need to attend it. It’s in Johannesburg now and while we’re always hating Joburg, let’s drop that for a second and be nice.

If you are 4in Johannesburg, you simply have to beg, borrow or steal to get your tickets for the show. It is absolutely phenomenal. Richard Hammond and Jeremy Clarkson together are like Viagra, well lets call it half a Viagra because I was nursing a semi.

I didn’t take photos because I didn’t want to miss a second of it, but trust me, it is good.

Now this brings us to the point of this one…Top Gear Season 13 starts on BBC Entertainment on Wednesday 10 February at 20:30 and you need to clear your schedule. I don’t care if you’re on some sort of program where that is the right time to get it on so that your partner gets pregnant…unfortunately little Timmy is going to have to wait until after Season 13 of Top Gear then, too bad little bugger.

We don’t have to get into Top Gear, because every single person on this planet understands what it is about. It is MEN-TAL!

I’ve been catching up on a few episodes on BBC and I’ll let you know that it leaves me very aroused, in a way that has me rubbing my, no doubt, muscular, smooth and tanned chest while pouring custard into my silky smooth locks.

So reserve that date, and while you’re at it break up with your girlfriend next Wednesday as well, then get together a few days after Valentines Day again and you’ll save some cash. If her birthday is around that time…double money saving bonus!

What?

It IS a recession, give us a break.