I quickly nipped into the pharmacy the other day because there is this chick that I really, really like.

But when I like chicks a lot, I get a bit shy around them and never know if they like me or not.I decided to buy myself some Xanax to calm myself down.These nerves had me left with quite a thirst.

So I nipped to the fridge, grabbed a USN Spike (Spicy) and a bottle of water. So I’m chilling drinking the water outside the shop with a bag full of tranquilisers when I realise I have bought, for R5,50, a bottle of USN Oxygenated H20.

USN Oxygen Spice H20

“Jesus, what next?” I shouted.

“Sean, next you will date a really hot girl”

“No Jesus, not what is next in my life, but what next are the guys in marketing going to try to do to make us buy their products?”

“Oh sorry, I don’t do marketing Sean. I just deal in radness. Keep it real homie”

“Peace out J-Dog”

So a little squizz on the USN website brought this up:

“Research done in 1967 (Fucking recent – Sean) revealed that oxygen rich water decreases nitrates, increased oxygen levels and enhanced the body’s ability to remove toxins. Further studies also showed that oral oxygen is absorbed by diffusion and osmosis through the cells lining the”

And that’s where it ends. I kid you not. Click HERE to read up about USN Oxygen Water. They realise that they are spicing this story beyond belief, and just cut their losses and stop talking!

It says that oxygenated water contains a maximum 10,9mg of oxygen per litre. So you could drink one litre of water to receive 10,9mg of oxygen.

OR, my wise young men, women and Buddhas, you could simply open your mouth…breathe in…and be prepared to have a large one inserted into your mouth courtesy of this bit of knowledge, from Wikipedia:

Average human lung capacity is 4 to 6 litres.

Obviously with every breath we don’t breath in pure oxygen, but taking about 10-20 breaths per minute means we taking in between 40 and 120 litres of air every minute.

So I really don’t think 10,9 mg of oxygen, being absorbed through my stomach lining, is going to do me any good!

Not to mention the fact that bottled water travels hundreds of kilometres to get to us, wasting fuel, and then most of you don’t recycle the plastic bottles.

So stick to tap water, buy a water filter, and don’t believe everything that USN tell you.

They are quite a spicy bunch.

Sean Lloyd

Editor