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Look, I’m am TERRIBLE at Twitter, I don’t follow people back and I also don’t take part in all the ‘Let’s pat each other on the back and circle jerk ourselves until we pass out’

I like funny and/or useful tweets, and celebrities are generally boring. While I’m not a pro at Twitter, here are my rules:

• Don’t try and be outspoken, just to make a point, or to get more followers. Just be yourself. Complaining all the time and swearing and gaaning aan is cool if you’re Ari Gold. Are you Ari Gold? No, you’re not.

• Don’t be a serial tweeter. You know, those people who reply to EVERYONES tweets? Just to stroke up conversations, just in the hope of being seen as cool or popular or so they can get more followers. Don’t be that person.

• The personal link dropper. I am the worst person at marketing of my blog, because I hate being that irritating person. If you find SLXS, cool, if you don’t, cool too. I’m not out there to having the highest number of hits, or to beat anyone, I’m just here to have a jol and write some stuff. I don’t want the most followers on Twitter, I just want to do what I do. People who tweet ‘Ah check this story out about bla bla bla: http://bit.ly…etc’, and then two hours later tweet the SAME LINK with DIFFERENT TEXT, need to be shot. Yes so you’re on 200000 pageviews per month. And so?

• The personal retweeters. Ok so you’re mate runs a blog, and you want to help him out. So I’m following your buddy, and you, and some other people in on the marketing of the blog. So I get like 15 retweets of a post to the same article. Not cool man. If you have to try so damn hard to get people to your blog, is it actually worth reading? If I’m following you, and you run a blog, I no doubt read it daily anyway, you don’t have to give me the same stuff on Twitter.

• You tweet every thought. ‘Having coffee’ ‘In Camps Bay’ ‘At Woolworths’ FFS PLEASE SHUT UP!! Just because Twitter asks ‘What’s happening?’ doesn’t mean you have to answer it.

• The #ff WHORE. “OMG #ff @justinbiebersballsack @kimkardashiansass @madonnasverlepvis @theentireworld” CRISIS PEOPLE THIS ISN’T A HAND AROUND SESSION.

I must sound like some crazy old man, but I am virtually against self promotion. I cannot handle it. That’s why if people meet me, they don’t know I run SLXS. I don’t tell them. Because I don’t really care, I do what I do for me. If you follow it, rad! I dig it that people come on here every day, but I’m not going to walk around the streets with my wang out and an SLXS.co.za tattoo on them…mainly because it won’t fit

Seriously though, it just seems that everyone wants a piece of the web real estate these days, and we all want everyone to be visiting it. Just chill out people, there IS a world beyond the internet.

Am I just being miserable, or bitter?

Or realistic?