With summer waking me up every morning before my threesome fantasy with two 27 year old’s is over, one needs to start thinking of ways to actually attract the opposite sex, instead of just dreaming about them. While money is a way of attracting the opposite sex, not everyone has money. While natural charm is said to work (Don’t ask me), I have no idea how to play this card. The only charm I have is the little Thai boy in my cabana hut at the pool in the garden, holding a banana leaf so that he can cool The Sean down when the summer rays get too much and the Piz Buin SPF2 bronzing oil is no longer protecting my gorgeous, supple hide.

What we need is some old school attraction techniques, like those they use in the animal kingdom. Where they use scent to attract and punish the opposite sex into being their sex slaves. While we don’t endorse sex slaves at SLXS, we do in a small way promote child labour, because imagine if there were no child labour? My Nike’s would cost like R4000 PER SHOE!

While some of you may commonly link scent with roofies, these are completely different things. Attracting someone and taking advantage of them while they sleep are completely different things! And just because what you make them drink is legal, doesn’t make it right! Cough…eye drops…cough…

Wait a second, did I just write what you have just read? I can for a fact not recall what I meant back there, so let’s start again you sexy devils.

Fragrances…Sean tunes his mind in and onto the right channel. Aaaaaah! There we are.

I was at Cavendish earlier trying to score some crack from those rubbish kids at McDonalds…tra la la lee la.

Then I went into the fragrance store, Truworths or something and tried out two awesome fragrances! One is unisex and the other is for men.

The first one is so damn gorgeous I wanted to eat it and it is going to be insane for summer. It’s CK One Summer, let’s have a look at that bad boy:

Now there is no point in me explaining the fragrance, but I like it and I spritzed some of the tester on today. It’s so damn good. The fragrance notes are: Mint, Cucumber, Lemon, Bergamot, Green Apple, Lotus, Rosemary, Rum, Woods, Sea Moss, Sandalwood. Sick, dude.

Before we go on, just a quick little note on fragrances:

• Spray it on the wrists (Another tip I once read in GQ, from a top female perfume maker “Spray it anywhere you’d get kissed” — Emptied a bottle into my pants) But a really good tip is to spray it on the wrist, and on the neck, and that’s all you need. Don’t rub the fragrance vigorously, as this can damage it’s scent. Just let it air dry naturally.

• Don’t buy a fragrance based on spraying it on a test card. It develops differently on everyone and just because it smells good on a friend of yours, doesn’t make it suitable for you.

• Fragrances will last different times on different people. Dry skin may not carry a scent as well (For dry skin, try fish oil supplements)

• Don’t over spray. You don’t want to kill people with your scent, it should rather be noticeable by other people within talking distance of you. Your scent shouldn’t overpower the room, unless you’re a news anchor and you’re wearing sex panther.

• Don’t test too many fragrances in one day. Take your time, spread the testing over a week or two, just testing two a day. Obviously don’t spray one on top of the other, gimp.

Those are the main tips for being successfully sexual.

The other absolute classic is Aqua Di Gio by Giorgio Armani.

To be honest, I don’t even remember doing this campaign

This is one of my all time favourites and I’ve often seduced myself with it. It is actually so damn good and I never get tired of it. Give it a try, you will love it. Fresh and awesome, if it has graced thine hide, it shall grace yours very well too. Here is a description of it from Amazon.com:

A resolutely masculine fragrance born from the sea, the sun, the earth, and the breeze of a Mediterranean island. Transparent, aromatic, and woody in nature Aqua Di Gio Pour Homme is a contemporary expression of masculinity, in an aura of marine notes, fruits, herbs, and woods. Fragrance notes: citrus notes, rosemary spiciness, jasmine, hint of wood and ocean breezes. Recommended use: casual.

This is very good news in the fight to come right!

Two of my top fragrances for this summer.

There is that other one for woman that is insane, Poison something or other? Hypnotic Poison? It’s the one the American co-anchor wears…

Names please darling.