I’ve always had quite the temperamental skin and if you look in my vanity cupboard you will notice that I carry an assortment of moisturisers for this delicate hide of mine (Mostly organic moisturisers, I can’t be stuffing around with this body as it’s the money maker)

Then the other day my lip ice ran out and I was pretty sure I was going to be pulling some random that night, and my lips needed to be in good nic. They were pretty trashed and so I strolled into The Wellness Warehouse to get some balm for my smackers. I knew with this fabulous weather coming up that I would need something hardcore because the sun is rough out on Clifton 4th and Llandudno.

I settled on this stuff called Lipsano and LET ME TELL YOU DOLL!

It’s amazing stuff, plus it has an SPF of 35 so you won’t be burning your lips (Facial. Ladies…mind out the gutter…tisk tisk. You’re not Elsa Benitez, are you?)

It is made of lanolin (Like…like sheep’s wool?) beeswax, shea butter, cocoa butter and vitamin E. Plus it has menthol and camphor in the mix which gives a nice cooling effect on your sun stroked lips. I use the old school tub, and am not afraid to look like a chick applying it. It’s kind of taking it back to the old school, especially when I apply it in the company of the ladies. They all end up using it anyway. They don’t worry that I have put my fingers in it.

They don’t know where my fingers have been.

They don’t know what me and the cats and dogs get up to in the evenings. And mornings.

Jokes. Seriously though, it’s R18 for the 7 gram jar which is very cheap. I mean, how much do you pay for your 7 grams of coke?

And crack cocaine gives you chapped, cocaine covered lips which is not a good look. Ask Rick James:

Yes it is

So go out and get it. To prove to you that it’s good all the girls I have kissed in the last three days have said I have the softest lips they have ever kissed.

That’s a lie I’m hitting a bit of bad form lately and have kissed no one. But when I do (Don’t wait up) I will report back on what the minxes have to say.

Check my lips out, so smooth!

My parents will also be pleased to know that…yes MOM AND DAD…open the champagne…that is a bit of stubble! It’s not much but it’s something! I knew this day would come. I knew I would make you proud! It took 23 years but by George it was worth the wait!

My voice has also gone from a high pitched shrill to a deeper purr. Think Barry White after a cigarette and whisky binge. Oh yeah!

They might be less interested to know that I just get first hair on ball.

Sean Lloyd

Editor