Oh you have to love estate agents and the way they mince words about! Instead of just telling it like it is, they like to play with words and paint pictures as it were, of dreamy houses that you’ll lovingly restore over the weekends, while the kids play in the garden, and the milkman and the newspaper boy deliver your weekend goodness. In all likelihood this picture is more one of your kids screaming at you because their room is falling apart, you not getting in any good action because the floors just creak all the time, and the pool being a breeding ground for new disease.

Some very common and popular estate agent terms are “Needs some TLC”, “Huge potential” and “Renovators dream”

If we quickly take the estate agents dictionary away and replace it with the SLXS dictionary, all these things mean the same thing. And that is “It’s kak!”

Look out for ads like these when buying a house:

THREE EXCLAMATION MARKS!!! Are you by any chance SHOUTING?!!!

It’s so awesome that every week they pump out ads like these, and every week, every person reading the ads goes “Cough…cough…bullshit!”

For me reading the estate agents pages is like my weekly dose of humour. I love spotting the broken houses, it’s a game that I just like to play.

Actually that reminds me, I was penning some words last night for a song that I think can be released. Let’s have a look:

Baby…Ooh…
Even in my heart, I see
You’re not being true to me
Deep within my soul, I feel
Nothing’s like it used to be
Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could
So bad, baby
Quit playing games with my heart

Chorus
Quit playing games with my heart
Before you tear us apart (with my heart)
Quit playing games with my heart
I should’ve know from the start
You know you’ve gotta stop (from my heart)
You’re tearing us apart (my heart)
Quit playing games with my heart

There was another one I wrote, also a goody:

I loved you so my doll

Until you hooked up with that damn ugly troll

I loved you so

But I never though you were a ho

I’m happy you’re now with John

Oh P.S I hooked up with your mom

I must go now to bang my new supermodel girlfriend

Oh baby baby it’s the weekend

We’re going to Knysna on the train

I’ll be sure to do a boat load of cocaine

And remember your friend Beth?

Well this has nothing to do with her but I love crystal meth!

That’s quite cool if you ask me! I do this stuff most evenings, chill and write love songs. Because I’m probably the deepest person you know.

Where exactly, may I ask, was I expecting to go with this post?

Absolutely no idea, so we’ll end it there.