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4 Comments Eleven things we could live without

Article written by the brilliant Sean Lloyd on the 13 Sep 2009

This is the essential list of things that we can quite easily live without, and the world will be a better place without  these eleven things.

Car guards

If I run into the shop and buy the paper and a Coke, they expect me to tip them for standing around for 5 minutes. So I must tip them R2 (20% of what I have spent) for 5 minutes ‘work’ And the best is when you don’t tip a car guard, because they look at you as though you are a murderer.

Car guards stand behind your car waving their arms, ‘directing’ you out of your parking bay, for what? Oh yeah I ALMOST forgot that I did nearly 30 hours of private driving lessons, passed my drivers license with alley docking and parallel parking and I also forgot that my car has an Asian Wolf alarm system AND I forgot that I pay car insurance as some sort of monthly hobby. Car guards? Out.

Twitter

Twitter isn’t the problem, it’s the people that use it. Promote themselves, their businesses, their blog posts and their lives, but then you ask them something, and they’re too busy to reply. Including local ‘celebs’ I understand if Ashton Kutcher doesn’t reply to his messages because he gets so many, but local ‘celebs’ with 500 followers not replying? Clearly too cool for school.

People who don’t tip and make a huge fuss with waitresses/waiters

Would you work for free? No you wouldn’t, so why don’t you tip people in the service industry decently? This includes petrol attendants, waiters etc. They don’t stand there all day to get paid their basic, they work to earn money. A R2 tip for a waitress serving you for over an hour is not money. And making a huge fuss so the restaurant can hear shows that you clearly don’t even have enough class to be eating out. Rather stay at home.

Be aware that the majority of the time, waiters are at the mercy of the kitchen. The waiters don’t slow down your orders for no reason. Sometimes waiters can be bad, but there is no need to make a huge deal of it in front of other diners. Speak to the manager. Be discreet. Shouting at the waiter like a spoilt brat shows just your level of class…none.

Greenwashing

Appearing to lead a green lifestyle, but just proclaiming your ignorance. This is most often seen in wealthy peoples houses, where everything is organic, but it has been shipped from the other end of the planet. This doesn’t count as going green. Stop trying to paint a green picture of yourself. Maybe you should start by getting rid of the Range Rover that is solely used to fetch the kids from school.

Big Issue and Funny Money

Wouldn’t it be great to stop at a robot for one day and not be harassed by flower sellers/Big Issue vendors and people selling Funny Money. It would be SUCH a treat! Even if you have copies of the stuff they are selling, they never believe you anyway. And does anyone read the Big Issue anyway? Come on, be honest.

Robot stops are one reason for looking into tinting your windows so that no one can see in.

Radio playlists

Playlists drawn up by the disconnected management make me go crazy. Play rubbish songs all day, interspersed with the rubbish spewing out of the radio DJ’s mouths (Grant and Anele come to mind), and we’re supposed to listen to this? I’m sorry, but 5FM is literally driving me crazy.

“Oh but if you don’t like it, don’t tune in”

When a whole sector of the country is talking about how the quality on the radio station has dropped, you need to do something.

Bad music that makes it big

Lada Gaga leading the way. I’m sorry, but Poker Face is horrendous and is only popular at night clubs because of the 2 for 1 drinks specials. Imagine making bad clothing, or building ugly buildings, or giving bad haircuts, and still rising to the top of your game. It would frustrate a lot of people. Bad music that makes it big is doing just that.

Internet geeks

Refer to themselves as “web entrepreneurs”, “geeks” or “online marketing gurus”, when in actual fact all they do is rehash the main news from the day in the technology sector. Come on guys, you’re never going to launch the next Mashable or Techcrunch, find your niche. Don’t give us the information that is floating all over the internet. Give your own view points and offer us something that we can’t read anywhere else. And please for the love of your score rate with the ladies…drop the word “geek”!

Becoming famous for nothing

Think Kim Kardashian and any reality show contestant. It’s enough to drive you mental. Even more scary is the amount of money they make.

Overpriced clothing

All these brands that charge us R500 for a t-shirt, and are from America and Australia. Then on closer inspection they are made in China and the owners are making disgusting profits while factory workers live in squalor. Clothing in general is a bugger up. Why does cheap clothing have such a bad fit and shrink so much? Can we not get a t-shirt for R100 with a great fit and the same quality as a R500 one? Woolworths are winning in this regard, but everyone else is losing.

People who stand on you in queues

You know the type, they stand so close behind you that they are actually touching you. Then it comes your turn at the till, and they put their stuff on the counter at the same time as you. WHO MADE YOU? I’m not freaky about my space, but when you stand breathing down my neck in a queue, don’t be alarmed when I start swearing at you and beating you with my trolley. Nothing irritates me more than people who don’t give me some space in a queue.

And that’s it, eliminate these eleven things and I guarantee Prozac sales will drop!

Feel free to add your own lists in the comments section.

4 Comments

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thats def a good 11 things I could live without!! hahahaha nicely done…

Well I am at least a M List celeb and i ALWAYS reply.

It’s the fan(s) that keep me going.

September 14 2009 21:03 pm Sean Lloyd Website

Nash, QUALITY!

"Fan(s)" Ha ha awesome!

And yes, you do always reply, one of the few awesome Twitterers

Helen Zille and Jacob Zuma related headlines.

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