While there is absolutely nothing I can do to save you from your office job, I can do magic tricks. I never have to make a day speed up because of bosses or offices (Or having slept with the intern at the office party last night), but sometimes I get bored and no one wants to go to the beach with me, so I waste away the hours online.

My top time wasters, other than looking at my cut physique in the mirror? Let’s have a look:

Sickipedia — Building the world’s best collection of sick jokes. I mean, you’ve never seen a website like this in your life. Let’s treat you with an example joke from Sickipedia:

What’s the best thing about doing a tranny up the arse?

Reaching round and thinking you’ve gone all the way through.

Wow!

Then there is also Lamebook.com — These are some really cool posts on the weirdest things you’ll see on Facebook. Wall postings, status updates…it’s all there.

Fmylife.com — There are some pearlers here! Two examples:

“Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML”

“Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room… my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML”

Ha ha, classic!

Textsfromlastnight.com — You know drunken texting? Well now it’s basically open to the public, oh no! There are all sorts of random texts here, some drunk, some just regular. All are crazy.  Some examples:

(505): Bad news is I’m a slut again. Good news is its with people I’ve been a slut with before.

(412): fuck dude i blacked out on a Tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
(717): Winning.

(870): I don’t wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.

(269): dude she’s married.
(1-269): so? a ring don’t cover no holes.

Ha ha, awesome!

Seriously, get stuck into those websites and Friday will go by in 5 minutes.

It’s my promise to you.