I’ve been deep in thought the ENTIRE day, trying to concoct something out of the recipe book they call my brain. I’m a deep pit of knowledge and after reading the latest bounty on IdeaBounty, I just had to spend the whole day conceptualising.

All work…no play

The basic idea is that Red Bull need you to come up with a new way to enjoy your Red Bull in premises such as bars and clubs. It has to be a ritual such as the Jager Bomb (Dropping the Jager shot glass into the Red Bull), but the brief says it must only include Red Bull. It says:

“We want you to develop a concept for a new Red Bull drinking ritual, which can only include Red Bull”

I’m a bit confused, as not mixing the Red Bull with anything leaves out a lot of scope for creativity (Maybe I’m not creative enough), but nonetheless I have been chilling hard all day whilst working!

I’m attempting this bounty, and so should you. Come on, $5000 isn’t that bad a thing to win. For this bounty I’m being inspired by Cape Town summers, staying in hotel rooms, late night inspiration, living like a rock star and always being yourself. A bit of a Keith Richards vibe going down.

Click HERE for the IdeaBounty website, register and then propose your ideas.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Remember that the Two Oceans Marathon entries and the Two Oceans Half Marathon entries close on Wednesday.

Half marathon entries are nearly full, with some 10242 entries already in. They close at 11000. That’s 11000 people whose nipples will bleed on race day. It’s 39 days to go until the Two Oceans, put that pie down!

Get out that chair and hit the road, or hit the trails as my team has been doing. It’s official that I am part of the coolest team to ever take part in the Two Oceans Half Marathon. You’ll see us on race day. We’ll probably win.

And then bang all the cheerleaders afterwards.

Click HERE to enter the Two Oceans online.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I do hope your training for the Two Oceans (Half) is going well, I was out running yesterday in that heat. I know, I am a machine, and I’ll probably win the race this year.

Anyway if your training is not going strong, then it’s time to kick it up. I’ve been trail running in Tokai forest and it’s awesomely rad.

Now this Wednesday, the 4th of March, Men’s Health are hosting a 10km fun (Ha ha) run from the lighthouse at Mouille Point in Cape Town. I trust you will be there!

What you need to know:

What? Men’s Health Lighthouse 10km fun run

Date: Wednesday the 4th of March 2009

Time: Registration at 16:45 with the race starting at 18:15 (And Sean Lloyd finishing at 18:30)

Place: Mouille Point Lighthouse, Cape Town.

Entry fee: Ranges from R10 - R35

Wear something tight. I love it when you are in that tight Nike clothing, sweating…

Did I ever tell you that you are beautiful?

Touch it.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

This is quite a funny story because I went into Pick ‘n Pay the other day and left thinking someone was trying to poison me. Their grapes were so horrendously shit that it tasted like pure gasoline. The grapes were the organic black grapes and they were the worst experience of my life. Bitter as hell, they dried my mouth out instantly, leaving me to think that that psycho chick that stalked me was poisoning me…again.

It just turns out that Pick ‘n Pays quality control  team DON’T exist. What a novel idea! And these grapes had seeds. Who on earth still sells grapes with seeds? It’s mental.

But the Woolworths Flavour Burst SEEDLESS grapes are an absolute treat. They taste so sweet and delicious that you think you are being naughty and eating sweeties. For a second I nearly spat them out, thinking I was eating a sugary sweet, and wondering what this would do to the orange peel on my fat thighs!

Grapes are just so good for you, and while they do have a high glycaemic index, I believe the glycaemic load is not hectic. This is all from memory, but if I’m correct, you need to eat a shit load of grapes to raise your sugar levels significantly. I could be wrong, but what do I look like, Tim Noakes?

They’re full of anti-oxidants and will make your skin look NIIIIIIICE. Plus it’s good to put that burger down. Get some fresh, colourful food in your diet. Lose some weight.

Visit me when you’re thin again.

Get them, R17,95 for 500 grams from Woolworths.

YEAH!

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I hope you spotted this as well in the Sunday Times, because it was glorious to read this while almost instantaneously being klapped by a recession!

In the Lifestyle section of the Sunday Times, they always have “The Shopper” where they interview someone who is no doubt filthy rich.

So todays person was Sasha Aleksic, owner of Cape Town decor store Scalini. Check this out, it’s like smashing a homeless person in the face with a brick and then pissing in their mouth, this is so mad!

Go you good thing!

She says:

“With the arrival of the credit crunch…I’ve cut down on cherries”

JEEEEEEE

ZUZ!

While most people cut down by traveling less, eating less (Way to go if you are fat), and even selling cars and houses, Sasha calmly takes the recession, and penetrates it from behind while simultaneously pissing on the poor people of the world by cutting down on cherries, it’s hilarious!

I mean, how much could she save by cutting down on cherries? Damn woman, how many cherries were you eating?

In fact…what were we doing with these cherries?

It’s a fact though that cherries continue to be given away freely as the girls at certain schools (Ones rhyming with “whore”) follow in the footsteps of celebrities and bang anything that walks.

IS NICE!

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

It’s weird really, just the other day we were talking about the whole thing of having a big enough cock to actually get it in your mouth.

We posed the question, would you suck yourself off?

Ha ha ha ha ha that is SO off the topic!

Just to let you know, you can grab these at Sportsmans Warehouse in the Blue Route. Someone shout “teabag!”

Ha ha check the name at the bottom, “Sensation” You bet!

SICK!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Browsing that magazine, Stuff, or something like that I can’t remember at all.

Anyway I was browsing this magazine and came across (And possibly on) a Sony Vaio computer that is obviously for chicks because it’s pink. I’ll add here that it is perfectly fine for guys to wear pink, or salmon as I like to call it. I do it all the time and I am AWESOME! Ha…

You remember back in the D when editing guys on movies used slip a frame of a cock or a vag into the movie, this is exactly what the engineers at Sony have done, and it has resulted in one of the most hilarious acts of electronic jokery this century! The only thing is, ABSOLUTELY no one seems to have noticed this, except me and my filthy mind.

So it’s a Sony. A Sony Vaio. It’s pink. Model number SR-VGN-SR26GN/P.

They say it is “unimaginatively named” I say it’s genius.

Oh my wept, are you seeing this? NO?

What is wrong with you child?!

pink vaio  sr-vgn-sr26gn/p

All secret code? Let’s crack the secret!

Let’s highlight some things.

PINK VAIo sr-VGN-sr26gn/P

So it’s PINK, then take the VA from “Vaio”, then take the “g” from “VGN”, the “i” from “vaio”, take the “n” from “VGN” and the “a” from “Vaio”

HELLO!

VAGINA! And to top it all off, they put a P at the end. Put your P in the V!
Ahem…penis.

Seriously, did no one else see this? Am I the only one?

Do I have too much time on my hands?

I think you forget that I do all of this for you, to enhance your life.

I trust your life has been enhanced today.

I love you and want to kiss you.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

A machete really is a great addition to any household, and I was kicking it to a clinically insane level with Skateboard J the other day at Sportsmans Warehouse there by the Blue Route.

I feel it necessary to say “there by” when talking about the Blue Route.

So Skateobard saw this machete and knew immediately that it would be useful in our everday quest to live the wickedest most sick lives in the universe. It’s just handy to have something on you that scares beggers away and also doubles up as a household tool.

I think it’s also great for the up and coming killer. It feels like just the other day that I killed seventy three people with a butter knife. I just think it would have been easier had I owned a machete at the time.

I really believe this tool could help you, and we have just demonstrated two uses here, but it comes with a multitude of uses. At R100 at Sportsmans Warehouse, it’s almost criminal to not buy one.

How crazy is that?! Mentioning the word “criminal” while talking about a tool that you will no doubt use in a crime. SO weird! Check check check it:

Shaving:

Shaving the beard I don’t have. Come on, give me a break…I just get first hair on ball!

In a day of eco friendliness, you don’t want to be using anything disposable. You want somethying that will last forever. It will obviously reduce your carbon footprint, but remember if you are using this machete for otherwise reasons, don’t leave any sort of footprint. Horatio Caine will fuck your shit up.

Cutting the cheese:

We eat the Glad Wrap

SO lightweight and sharp, it probably cuts cheese as easily as it cuts bodies.

There are literally 1001 uses for a machete, so go get one.

Wait it was too funny, when we bought the machete we went back into Skateboards apartment, and I had just bought some rubber exercise bands, and they were hanging around my neck. So we get into the elevator and some old duck had held the door open for us. Now we are going into an apartment, and there is absolutely no need for a machete.

So two guys get into a lift, one with rubber bands, no doubt looking like they are going to strangle someone. And Skateboard is holding a machete. This old birds eyes scan me, then the machete and she goes silent.

I whisper to Skteboard, but so the old bird can hear:

“I hope that bitch didn’t escape”

PING!

The elevator door opened and we walked out, leaving an old chick to ponder over the carnage that she no doubt thought was going to unfold. Ha ha it was soooooooooo funny, you should have seen her face!

Mean…but priceless and funny!

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I was taking this chick from behind in Steers at about 1:30 this morning when I remembered something HILARIOUS from my school days. It’s things like this that are too funny!

Just chilling babes

Whenever we were smashed with our hot girlfriends (Do we have any others?) and at Nando’s, or Steers if they were ordering chicken, we would break out the Classic Chicken Joke.

So this is how it goes, because everybody loves chicken.

You see a chick eating a piece of chicken and you say to her:

“Do you like chicken?”

The beauty here is that everyone not only likes chicken, but they love it.

She will answer something like this:

“Yeah I love it”

And you come back with this powerhouse:

“Well then suck my cock, ‘cos it’s foul”

(Silence)

(Brief pause for the mormons, and religious people)

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! MENTAL!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Judging by the crew at Bang Bang last night, lumo needs to be worn. It’s all party and no work around here. But hey…someone has to do it.

You forget how hot school girls and 1st year girls are, until you hit Bang Bang for their Get Dumb student night. Shit son.

South Africa’s future…oooooooh fok

Quietly avoiding the recession

Sweating off the recession and cane

DJ’s…very average jobs

Sean Lloyd

Editor