So I was watching American Idol, or Americas Got Talent last week when this chick makes an appearance and she is smoking hot in my eyes. I instantly think ” I must Google her”

Normally if she is a South African girl I will login to Facebook and Facestalk or Facefuck her. But she was international so I Googled her (Don’t Google yourself. You might prematurely pop in your eye. It stings. And that is now why I have a lazy eye)

I can honestly say that until last week I had absolutely no idea who Taylor Swift was. Upon researching her (Read: Stalking her) I realised that I did know her music, and I had obviously heard “Teardrops on my guitar”

Getting quite into the stalking action I Googled the song, to find out about the inspiration for the song. Funnily enough it led me to another website I own, Wikipedia. To give you a bit of insight here, these are some of the lyrics:

Drew talks to me

I laugh ’cause its just so funny

I can’t even see

Anyone when he’s with me

He says he’s so in love

He’s finally got it right

I wonder if he knows

He’s all I think about at night

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar…

Now THIS in interesting.

I think we’ve all had this scenario in our lives and for guys it will play out like this:

You really like a girl, but failed to make a move in the beginning because you never wanted to mess things up or were just nervous. So you become friends with this girl, and the friendship goes so well that you still don’t want to make a move because you’d rather avoid ruining the friendship. Your mind get’s all messed up and basically your life falls apart, you start jerking off to midget porn while smothering yourself in lumpy custard…wait…did I take it too far there? Likely.

OR

You like a girl, and you have that one cock block friend who will try pull any girl that his friends like. We ALL have these sorts of friends. He pulls her, and suddenly she goes from “hot” to “vrot”

OR

You like a girl, and she doesn’t like you back, but you’re friends. You see her walking out the club with your best mate and you’re a tad bleak about proceedings. You punish the shooter bar, vomit, drive home drunk, get arrested. Lifes a bitch.

OR

You like a girl and she ends up hooking up with the fattest, ugliest, sweatiest prick on the planet. He is wealtheir than you. This is probably the biggest motivating factor that makes guys work hard and start up empires (I’ll mention here that me starting up an empire may or may not have anything to do with this)

Money is just so damn good, it’s the ultimate way at fixing all the above situations. Money CAN and WILL buy happiness and anyone who tells you otherwise just doesn’t have enough money.

So anyway, the inspiration for “Teardrops on my guitar” was a guy called Drew. Taylor just kept his name the same in the song.

Why?

Because she can!

Now if I remember correctly from an interview I watched with her, this Drew guy did actually arrive at her door after the song had been made famous and all, but by then obviously she was over him.

Drew, you’re a…GOSH…IDIOT!

Look at Taylor now, all famous and stuff. And good looking. And wealthy.

Taylor: Thinking of our second childs name. Our first childs name will be “Summer” We decided on it while cuddling last night.

Sorry DREW, you cocked that up a tad!

So that’s the vibe, if you currently find yourself in a position where a chick might like you, research her a bit. Does she sing? If yes, is she good? If yes, might she become famous? If yes, DUMP YOUR CURRENT GIRLFRIEND! Go for fame. Go for gold!

Also, is there a girl who likes you whose parents are wealthy? DUMP YOUR CURRENT GIRLFRIEND!

Seriously boys, we need to stop with these schoolboy errors. For me personally there is currently no one I’m obsessed with, other than the bank and making money. But if you want to save me having to work hard, e-mail me with your C.V

If it looks like you might have looks, humour and money to offer me, I’ll stop working and elope with you my angel.

Is that vain of me? Yip!

Superficial? You know it!

Shallow? Always!

xxx

And look, if you’re going to stay with your current girlfriend, but are looking at an upgrade, you’d be better off wearing a condom while boning her. You don’t want kids with her, because that adds a whole new dimension to life.

Save yourself the embarrassment of bumping into your mom, dad, granny and aunt while buying condoms, and buy them online.

Click to cover the prick:

Sean Lloyd

Editor