Most of you will know about The Wellness Warehouse and it’s general vibe but it’s probably worth a mention. Now I know many people think I am an absolute party animal and a health wrecker but it’s all lies! Whenever people e-mail me it is usually with regards to parties, supermodels and what they want, chilling and the sorts. However I’m a fairly accomplished athletic machine! Having competed in various mountain bike races such as Karoo to Coast and To Hell and Back. Then there is the Two Oceans Half Marathon and about 8 Argus cycle tours. So I know a thing or two about wellness I believe.

I was just Friday cruising at The Wellness Warehouse in Cavendish Square in Claremont. To be precise, I was sauntering through “Cavendish Connect” The Wellness Warehouse just looks like a place where you will be healthy when walking out and the planet will also not be ashamed of you when you leave.

Walking out of a KFC you know your body is hating you because you have just eaten a grease bomb filled with steroids. The chickens are not happy with you because they have been caged up and pumped with steroids. Not so with The Wellness Warehouse. You can buy an assortment of things for your house including a range of cleaning agents that promise not to harm the environment and are biodegradable.

There is organic everything from food to body products and everything in between. The Wellness Warehouse even have the “Wellspa” where you can have various things done such as massages and all sorts of other grooming things like waxing(Cool), facials(Rad) and manicures(Awesome) Reading through the Wellspa list of treatments there are some things I have not heard of and I feel left out.

I mean, we all know the Brazilian wax but there is something here called a “G-String wax” And the Hollywood wax. I’m guessing this is where the garden boy skips trimming and shaping the tree, and instead just fells the entire garden. Enough about horticulture though.

I went into The Wellness Warehouse just to check out what I could buy and walked out with a bag of macadamia nut and cranberry mix, three packs of organic flaxseeds and a North African Chickpea Salad. For those of you “in the know”, chickpeas are to vegetarians what cocaine is to Robbie Williams. Some hippie vegans will even tell you it’s better than sex but we can all agree here that they have been isolated alone in the Knysna Forest growing weed with their sherpa and the only sex they are getting is with their sherp who has a 4m long beard and smells like a sweaty sauna filled with Paris Hilton’s pap snoek.

I didn’t really mean to be so disgusting there talking about fish but I have wanted to say that for a while, and now I have so it makes me feel better.

The Wellness Warehouse also don’t offer you plastic bags but rather paper bags which are environmentally friendly. They are also ugly people friendly. I get this a lot. Normally I go out clubbing and take a supermodel home from some place in Camps Bay. When I am out I look quite good but when I get home with these girls they realise my looks deceived them because of the bad club lighting.

I then just say “Well angel, let’s just bag it” (To those so inclined, we are not talking about tea bagging it. Don’t even get started on the “Trojan War Helmet)

I then clip the brown bag nicely on my ears and Gisele(Or I think it was Megan Fox last time) can hammer away the whole night. Problem solved.

Look I’m sorry about that but once again we have an intern and she is constantly making me write things I don’t believe in. If I don’t write these things she threatens to arrive at work with no clothes on. And OBVIOUSLY I WOULDN’T want that.

Or would I?

I’m not even talking about The Wellness Warehouse anymore as this article has spiralled into full on smut.

What I did want to say is that if you are wanting to be healthier, better looking and kinder to the planet then you should pay The Wellness Warehouse a visit.

If you’re lucky you might see me there. If you’re good looking I will probably be stalking you from the aisle with the goji berries.

But seriously now…SEAN…let’s just mention a few other things. The Wellness Warehouse in Kloof Street in Cape Town has a breakfast buffet from 09h00 until 11h00 and a lunch buffet from 12h00 until 14h00 which is quite nifty I would say. Then they have the WellCafe where you can get all your food and it follows a Kauai kind of vibe. You can literally buy anything from juicers to water filters and everything in between which I won’t mention here but I will mention over THERE at The Wellness Warehouse website. I have given you this information at the beginning of winter, so come summer time I want to see you looking model fit. All of you!

Ladies and gentleman…that is all ladies and gentleman.

The Wellness Warehouse is situated in Kloof Street in Cape Town as well as Cavendish Connect in Claremont, Cape Town.

Sean Lloyd

Editor