I’m always here to offer you insight into what is happening in Cape Town and so I went through all the news reports on Trevor Manuels Budget Speech. Is it true that Trevor wears Giorgio Armani spectacles? Very suave Trev, very suave. Dapper even.

As you all know things like budget speeches are highly boring and most of us don’t really care to know about them, because we just end up paying more for everything.

But here is what I need to tell you. The tax on a can of beer rises by 5 cents. This goes to ten cents on a bottle of wine. And R1,88 on a bottle of spirits. So on spirits alone, Friday nights are going to cost me about R40 extra. Hectic!

So I thought it was quite necessary to let you know this. It’s also amusing that they call booze “Sin tax” Wept, it’s not like I killed someone! You make me feel like after every drink I should ask for forgiveness.

Yeah, wait until you see all the church guys smashing back wine like it is water after all the people leave church. You then approach them.

“Um sorry Mr Priest, you are not allowed to drink are you?” I say with a deadpan reaction.

“Of course I am SON, how do you think I will survive?”

“Well you don’t need booze, DUDE!”

“This is not alcohol, it’s water”

“No it’s not FOOL, here give me that!”

I then snatch it from his paws and taste it. 1997 Merlot. Sneaky.

“It’s booze!” I SHOUT.

Priest then looks at me, takes another sip.

“Ah yes it is! But Jesus just turned water into wine! He wanted to trick you and make you drink wine, and now you are a sinner! Now you must join my church”

And so begins a vicious cycle as another youth is snatched from the hands of the elixir of life, and made to lead a life of alcohol-less-ness.

Wow this is bizarre for a Friday morning! It’s like I’m on crack or something…

For the Deloitte & Touche commentary on the Budget Speech, click HERE. I must warn you, that is for the clever people. People interested in trivial things such as “finances”, “tax relief”, “watershed”, “economies” and “cross referencing hedge funds”. I made all of that up right now. Please do excuse me today.

I’m the lone wolf. I walk this alone!

Sean Lloyd

Editor