Do you like it how I’m rolling forth with the start of the posts? “There is…”

I think it’s quite sexy, don’t you? Right now…I touch myself…and nobody loves me! (I’m in the shower…yes typing…and I’m singing. My Philips Bodygroom is rolling, da bush is hating)

Sorry I got lost there.

So I’m rolling through The Dish (Cavendish Square to the lay man. And are those school kids still getting laid in the bathrooms in Cavendish? Whaaaaaaaaat?!) with Charlie V a few weeks ago. It could possibly have been up to two months ago, but it’s all the same because there is an absolute loony rolling his way through Cavendish Square in Cape Town. You’ll notice him obviously because he is completely off his rocker, but also because he thinks he’s a body rocker.

He always wears a hat and has earphones in. The other day I saw him, he didn’t have his earphones, but rather had a cellphone tucked into his peak cap at the ear region. He was playing music through it and mincing his way through Cavendish all the while dancing like a man possessed!

It’s the funniest thing ever, he literally rocks out and sings and mixes his hands like a DJ. He is two words

ABSOLUTELY

HYSTERICAL

There is no doubt in my mind that he is a current or former drug addict, I know what acid does.

Did you hear that story a couple of years ago?

I’m not sure of the validity of it, but it revolves around a guy who is apparently in Valkenberg Psych Ward now.

To those not schooled in this, you take acid in a tiny square of paper, but a very tiny square. Now obviously a sheet is loads and loads of squares of acid and this guy was transporting a sheet of acid in his car and came to a road block. Panicking, he folded the sheet of acid up and stuck it under his armpit.

He went through the roadblock obviously sweating a little bit and most of the acid enjoyed being absorbed into his body and endocrine system in general, causing somewhat of a short circuit.

I’m telling this story from people who are 100% convinced that it is real and have no real reason to lie. Anyway, it turns out that the acid fried this guys head so much that he thought he was an orange, so they put him in Valkenberg because he was a loon.

Eventually they had to move him to an isolation ward because…get this…he didn’t want to be around people

Because…

He thought they were going to squeeze him and make orange juice out of him whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha!

I mean, have you ever in your life heard something so hysterical?

I think it’s absolutely brilliant!

Bringing us more to the point, this guy in Cavendish obviously has something wrong with him. I don’t want to judge him, I mean, there is a good possibility that he was born like this and it’s not his fault.

But there is also a damn good possibility that he overcooked it in college. When all the kids were doing a couple of lines and a few tabs, he was taking the medicine cabinet and abusing it.

So look out for this guy, you are guaranteed to love him.

Jeepers Cavendish produces some beauts!

Have you been approached by the Bible basher?

He walks up to you with some ridiculous book and says “Here have a book?” But he’s a simple looking man and you take the book as a goodwill gesture. The first time I took a book from him, I only did it because I was scared that if I didn’t, he would probably kill me.

So I take the book and he goes “That’ll be R30″

“Jesus” I said

He then reprimanded me for using names in vain, and I said yes I am vain and superficial and it all got complicated. But he basically gives you Christian books and then wants money for them. Very unusual sales pitch indeed.

Well that’s enough of story time, catch you later.