Every guy, has at one stage or another thought about being in a plane that is going down. They would start thinking what they would do. While women would do their usual and complain that the pilot is a doos and that they ‘never wanted to take this flight anyway’, guys would make the most of what is…to be honest, a pretty shit situation and just go for gold. The mini bar would be emptied in a matter of seconds, any drugs being smuggled on board would be taken, and a female would be found so that sex is a very real dying possibility.

The point is, if you only have minutes left you’re going to want some action, and you may as well have some substances in your body to take reality away.

Now that’s if you were going to die in the next few minutes, but what if that were years? Apparently the Mayan calendar forecasts big things for 2012, when some people predict the world will end. It’s not altogether beyond the reach of reality that our current way of life will one day come to an end. In all probability, it will happen before our kids grow up. Ok, maybe the world won’t explode, but it will change suitably enough for us to actually kill ourselves. Like when oil runs out and we we are deprived of resources, no one is going to want to live.

Imagine living without a car, air travel, Hollywood films and sleazy Hollywood sex scandals? To be honest, I’d die if I didn’t read celebrity gossip every day. Not to mention the small ball ache of food shortages, water shortages and so on and so…ninth.

Now if the Mayan calendar vibe of 2012 is correct, we have two years to get absolutely mentally off our faces. If it’s true then we have full licence to get bent on every drug this planet has ever managed to make. I will basically start drinking clutch fluid just to see what happens.

“Mmmmm refreshing, DOT 4, smooth!”

At best, we have 10 years apparently before our oil supplies begin to take a curve towards hell. Which is why I won’t (Or will) have kids. What’s the point of stressing about raising kids, and then you die? I’d rather go out burning in a cocaine induced stupor, where I’m so mashed that I cannot feel a single thing.

I’ll probably survive the end of oil though, because I’ll be on my own island, growing vegetables, harvesting water and growing pot. I’ll always keep something deadly handy though, in case my crops fail. Like a massive warehouse of heroine! No one wants to die of starvation. Rather die tripping.

I’d also keep razor blades handy, so until the very end, none of the ladies have to sport bush.

Maybe the mayans are right and something mental is going to happen in 2012, like a meteor hitting earth or something.

To be honest, in some sadistic way I hope something crazy happens in 2012. As we know, all civilizations have come to an end and ours also has to. At the rate we’re trashing the planet, it doesn’t seem too far off that in the greater plans of the universe, that something mad will happen.

I’d love to see news networks covering meteorites hitting the planet, walking outside, seeing meteorites crash around me, take a hit of the biggest bong in existence, do a line of coke off the dog, look up, drop some acid, look down, take a swig of Jack, look up again and see a model waiting for me, in all her kit-off glory.

So…what are you planning for 2012? Drugs? Sex? Everything illegal?

(On a more serious note, is anyone keen on an putting together an “End Of The World” party for Cape Town in 2012, starting the morning before the world is supposed to end? Like go mental, rent out the entire Camps Bay Beach and have a full on blowout, get all the clubs involved. It would be mental! Have a fashion show, beach bars, slides etc…vibes?! The idea arouses me)

Sean Lloyd

Editor