There is going to be a rather large ship docking tomorrow in Cape Town and it is going to be packed with students! It docks at about 08:00 on Tuesday 19 September 2008. Semester at Sea is a program where you basically travel the world for a semester while studying at the same time.

How anyone studies aboard a ship is beyond me. Personally I would up the abuse levels and drink enough to actually float the ship that I am travelling on. My ship would be floating on Jack Daniels and Absolut as I take a Hunter S Thompson stance on things.

Semester at Sea has to be one of the greatest things in the world because you are surrounded by like minded people, you are young, you are cruising the world on a ship and everything is just epic. Guys and girls punishing the life at sea for all it’s worth. My semesters were literally THE most boring things this planet has ever seen. Class would fly by as I went into full shut down mode, not listening to a word the lecturers were saying. After class my entire journalism class would basically just head off to Forres, or hit the clubs four nights a week in order to forget that we were actually studying.

In between all the usual excess I could normally be found punishing the heavy bag and doing pull ups and sit ups. That’s why my body is sculpted like it is today. Ask anyone who had tickets to the gun show. Ask them about how the guns used to shoot and how I could lock them on rapid fire. I am devastating when I’m in training. I used to destroy brick walls purely for the entertainment value.

Off ‘el topico there…

I am still reluctant to actually tell people that I studied. When they ask me what I have done, I kind of mumble, choke on an olive, spit my drink out and then change the topic immediately. Semesters at college are not fun things, other than the life outside of the actual work.

But if you could make the work fun, it would be a treat. I’m pretty sure that your concentration levels go right up when you are in a beautiful setting. Normal lecture rooms are lit with hospital lighting, lecturers hate their lives, students hate their lives when they have to work and it all kind of ends up with everyone binge drinking to within an inch of their lives. Trust me. I have seen it first hand.

Anyway these students will be arriving tomorrow and leaving again on Sunday 23rd of February at 23:00. No doubt they are going to want to get liquored and so something like Paulaner Brauhaus at the V&A Waterfront would be suited to an afternoon brewski or thirty five. No doubt La Med will be smoking as usual as the Cape Town weather treats us like camels this week with heat that is so beautiful you want to eat it. I would also probably do a bit of Ignite to hang out with the crowd that look like they are all naturally just fashion models.

They are also here for the Lunar Eclipse on the 20th/ 21st of February. Well apparently it’s after midnight in Africa so it’s the 21st. Radness! Some people hike up Lions Head (I think) to see it so that could be quite awesome! I could have sworn I saw a Lunar Eclipse the other night but then I realised that I was just seeing stars and the Cane Train had left me for dead on the tracks.

If I were a student I would also make the trip out to Spier wine estate to get absolutely smashed tasting wine. Nothing like an afternoon of sun, vino and shenanigans. Maybe also pop into Moyo restaurant for a bit of food and some more wine.

So now if you are in Cape Town tomorrow morning you will see this huge ship rolling in and you will know that some people are coming to max out the party in Cape Town. A bunch of students are going to arrive and have the time of their lives in Cape Town for nearly a week. They won’t want to leave. We are lucky because we never have to leave.

So guys treat them with the usual debaucherous parties that we are known for. You won’t be able to buy them all a drink because on the Facebook group there are 600-odd students so I take it about 600 students will be arriving.

Cape Town brace yourself for these people. They WANT to party. We WANT to party. I can imagine the V&A Waterfront going mental tomorrow when the ship docks and the students go crazy knowing they have reached the best place on earth.

Enjoy the stay guys, see you around Cape Town. I’m the tall guy with the six pack and fourteen wives who can’t speak a word of English.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

There appears to be some sort of music event happening on Clifton 4th beach this coming Saturday, the 9th of February, in conjunction with Capetalk and BP Express.

I have no idea what music is going to be played but it should be awesome! I love the beach, but it’s even better at night because I look much better at night.

You see during the day my looks are passable, but when my shirt comes off my lack of pecs and triceps and deltoids seems to deter people. However at night this is all hidden, thus increasing the amount of people that want to hang out with me. That is why I am a recluse during the day, avoiding people and going about life at my own pace. But at night I tend to lose the plot, because people are led to believe that I’m from Fight Club and I’m just not allowed to talk about it.

For those of you unaware of what Clifton looks like, here is the view from the helicopter(Where is that thing? I seem to have misplaced it recently. That could be a costly mistake):

So that’s where the event is taking place and I think we can all agree that it is NOT an ugly place. Neither are the people who go to it.

BP Express have kitted the event out this year. They have provided free parking on a first come first serve basis at the La Med sports field and they have also thrown in a complimentary shuttle service along Beach Road. That’s the road that runs along the beach. Naturally.

There is also a crew of people who will help you out with carrying your picnic baskets down to the beach.

This is handy. Sometimes I am so plastered when being dropped off at the beach that I can’t even carry myself down to the beach, let alone my towel.

Well that’s what I have to tell you.

Moonstruck 2008

Music on the beach

Clifton 4th beach

Saturday 9th of February 2008

Time: 6pm

Unfortunately you won’t see me there as I will be attending the Twentybrand party at Assembly. That’s if my genes can survive the Cane Train party on Friday night.

So if you are at the Twentybrand party, I will be the ridiculously tanned and toned individual standing in the corner at the bar putting out the vibe.(I will work out feverishly and hit the beach full time until Saturday night)

You know the vibe I put out.

Yeah that one.

The one you can’t resist.

The one you know you WANT.

Your knees go weak…

This is getting ridiculous I should go now.

See you Saturday!

Wear something tight…

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Johnny Clegg-Tickets all sold out! 

In news that has saddened me, I went for a roll around the internet to see when Johnny Cleggs concert at the Paul Cluver Forest Amphitheatre was going to be played. Well I found out that it’s being played on the 8th of March 2008.

What did not amuse me was the fact that the tickets are already all sold out! Johnny Clegg is one of my favourite performers and I suppose I should have known that tickets would sell out fast. The Paul Cluver Forest Amphitheatre would almost seem tailor made to the tunes of Johnny Clegg and the people who did get hold of tickets are extremely lucky!

Anyway, such is life! Click PAUL CLUVER FOREST AMPHITHEATRE to be directed to the website to see what other shows you can watch this summer.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I heard about this when God Himself sent me an sms the other day saying “Thank God the Cape Town leg of the Spice Girls tour has been cancelled”

So I have it on some good authority that the cancellation of the Cape Town leg of the Spice Girls tour is legitimate.

I must be honest I was on the verge of chatting to our boys and girls at my travel supplier, Siyabona Africa, to get them to tailor a package called “Spice Girls get out of town safari” Basically what I wanted them to do was tailor a package that would leave on the day the Spice Girls arrived in Cape Town, and arrive back about two days after the Spice Girls left again. This would leave plenty of time for the face powder and overly priced perfume of Posh Spice to dissipate from the Cape Town air.

I’m guessing that they cancelled the Cape Town tour leg because they knew ticket sales would be poor due to the fact that the majority of 9 year old Cape Town girls don’t want to grow up to be like them anymore. Because those would be the only people who would buy the tickets. Nobody wants to actually hook up with Eddie Murphy and no one wants to live on a bag of lettuce a day like Posh Spice. Ok they might want to hook someone like Becks, but I doubt they would only want to eat fortnightly to get someone like Becks.

Can you imagine the ridicule and scorn Cape Town would have received if the Spice Girls had actually toured here? It would be hectically embarrassing.

“So where do you live?”

“Cape Town”

“Ek se woooow! Isn’t that the place the Spice Girls toured?”

“That’s correct”

“Sorry dude, send my condolences to the city that once was Cape Town”

So the death of Cape Town will not in fact be happening and I can’t quite describe my happiness. It almost makes me want to down a bottle of Absolut ans see what happens. You know…just for laughs and a bit of a celebration.

So while this is filed under “Cape Town dates to diarise” there is in fact no date to diarise. Just diarise Cape Town under all the days because it is safe to visit anytime.

The Spice Girls will not be touring Cape Town and for this we say thank you to the baby, littlest, tiny infant Jesus.

It’s safe to say that in your lifetime you will never have to see the Spice Girls singing in Cape Town.

And in that light, I think we all need to thank whoever made this happen.

Thank you.

On a side here, Posh does seem to be eating all the pies recently, as seen below. That is a LOT of junk inside that trunk:

I mean, damn Posh, put down the food. Didn’t you eat last week? Do you know how many starving kids there are in the world? Do you realise that some people survive on a grain of rice a day? Show some consideration.

And lose 5 pounds immediately or get off my website!

You’re so fat.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

On any given (Sun)day(Could make a good name for a movie, no?) I would not BREAK WOOD at the CRACK of dawn, however when this e-mail came through from my party liaison, that’s exactly what I did.

And this is not out to air.

So it seems that this is still to be confirmed, but essentially, Paul van Dyk is coming to Cape Town! YES YES YES!

I don’t know whether to just take the day off today and contemplate the enormity of this, or just go to sleep until the 7th of March which is when he is supposed to play. Even better is that three of the members of the SLXS Entourage are having their birthdays around that time. It’s WAY too much to actually contemplate in one big piece, so I’m going to have to break that information into little pieces before it gets stored in the kazillion megabyte memory system in my brain. I will store it right next to the piece of information that speaks of that time I made my first million euros.

Today is a cracker. The wind is pumping again but I don’t care.

While you are at it search “Chuck Norris” on Google and then hit “I’m feeling lucky”

Where were you last night, why were you not at Neighbourhood? It was chilled but talent plentiful.

That’ll break wood.

So that’s what I’m here for. To tell you that Paul van Dyk is(to be confirmed) playing in Cape Town on the 7th of March 2008.

Click PAUL VAN DYK IN CAPE TOWN to be directed to the website.

Wear something tight.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

As if I’m not emotional enough about stuff such as the J&B Met and chicks running in the opposite direction from me, I now have to contend with this!

Firstly let’s start with Celine Dion. Celine Dion sang that song in Titanic which featured Leonardo Di Caprio and Kate Winslet. An interesting thing here is that Leonardo Di Caprios nickname in school was Leonardo Retardo. Interesting. Very interesting. I’m pretty sure I cried in Titanic. No actually I’m certain I cried in Titanic. I think I have cried every time I have watched it, which is in part to the heart breaking story that it is, and in part to Celine Dion belting out “My heart will go on”

Obviously though I had a boys weekend this weekend at Misverstand where we carved up the water, sat in the sun and drank beer. So to keep my reputation up it would be best that we don’t tell them about this crying session. Naturally you won’t mention the DVD I’m listening to right now called “Music for Montserrat” I’m obviously not on track 11 which isn’t Elton Johns “Don’t let the sun go down on me” I obviously don’t use moisturiser either. Neither do I know the meaning of the word “non comedogenic” in creams.

Celine Dions song “My heart will go on” was naturally featured on the Titanic soundtrack. This soundtrack was the all-time best-selling orchestral soundtrack in recording history selling over 27 million copies. Which means 27 million people were crying. That’s a lot of tears. “My heart will go on” won an Academy Award for Best Original Song which meant that once again…yes…more people cried.

Celine Dion now finds herself playing live in Cape Town(Well just outside of the actual Cape Town. It’s Somerset West) on the 23rd and 24th of February at the VERGELEGEN WINE ESTATE. Once again more people will cry.

To book your ticket for this event, click TICKET CONNECTION. There you can book a ticket for Celine Dion and prepare yourself in advance for if she sings “My heart will go on” If I had to hear that live my heart would probably not go on. No jokes.

Then we have James Blunt who you might have heard of. A while back he sang a song that people listen to when relationships don’t work out. Naturally they cry when listening to it. Between Celine Dion and James Blunt there are a lot of shed tears(Mixing up the order of the words there. Nice!)

James Blunt was formerly a captain in the British Army and fought in Kosovo, which earns him the unlikely label of being a real man and a crooner like Tom Jones or Lionel Ritchie. He even stood guard at the coffin of the Queen Mother. I’m guessing his score/action rate has gone up since he became famous. Piers Morgan interviewed James Blunt in the October 2007 British GQ and asked him the question “How do women treat you now?”

To which he replied:

“Suddenly I’m much better looking and much taller”

Which just goes to show that money and fame can buy you happiness! Chilling on yachts drinking champagne is actually the original spelling for “happiness” and it is a fact that not many people know. But now you know it.

To prove that money will make you more tanned, lean and more hardcore I set up this little example here. Here we have James Blunt pre-fame. This is when he was short, pasty and a bit geeky looking. Guys still see him as this:

Hot

And yet without having to actually get a tan, work out and stretch himself taller, here is the view that women see:

James Blunt today

You see, it’s amazing! That is what fame and fortune does to you. That’s why everyone wants fame. And money. Every now and again though you get absolute shockers who come right with hot girls. Take our boy Lyle Lovett here, playing way out of his league. If he has a league. He somehow got stuck into Julia Roberts. Julia did not have beer goggles on that night. Nor tequila goggles. Nor mineral turpentine goggles. She was on something medical that night.

Lyle grinned as the roofie WASTED Julia Roberts

So it just so happens to be that James Blunt will be playing in Cape Town on Wednesday 28 May at The Grand Arena, Grand West Casino and Entertainment World in Cape Town. Tickets go on sale this Thursday, the 24th of January 2008 and can be bought online at COMPUTICKET

That’s all I have to say for now because I’m going to be spending more time trying to become famous. Then I’m going to score every chick in Camps Bay.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I know I can’t believe it either! It was just under a year ago that I found myself looking for some bling for the J&B Met, and now another year is upon us and another dress theme awaits.

The J&B Met is a little bit crazy, I won’t lie to you. Scenes of debauchery are rarely experienced on this sort of scale. I mean, it’s not an uncommon sight for you to be surrounded by two or three chicks, all vying for your undivided attention, all wanting you. I’m not joking. Here is me trying to hold down the fort two or three years ago at the J&B Met:

Chilling

Two angels, loads of drinks and just poor me trying to sing love songs, show off my physique and still stand after a huge day at the Met. That photo was taken in the evening after bending the day way out of shape. I would later fall into the hay bales.

It’s quite necessary to mention here that there is no point in bringing your A game to the J&B Met. It is QUITE necessary to BE the game. The people who attend the J&B Met are not your average crowd. They are preppy, high maintenance, high society and you want to get in there with them. It is your ticket to fame and fortune and if you can marry someone from one of the exclusive tents at the J&B Met, you can safely say that you will not be worried about money for the rest of your life.

The J&B Met cannot promise you true love, but it can offer you a shot at high society. And that’s never a bad thing.

Scenes such as this, taken last year, are not uncommon:

It’s all too much

You will literally find GROUPS of girls like this, all hot, all sexy and all over you! It’s madness. It’s sheer debauchery on an XS scale. It’s your life and you love it.

For the best tickets you probably want to drop R2000 on something decent. It’s pricey but Cape Towns finest come at a price. You will be hitting on celebrities and drinking and partying with the best of them. You will be kicking it. Your life will change as mine does at every single J&B Met.

The Equus Lounge is this years hot ticket and it is the high society of Cape Towns high society. If you are in there you are guaranteed to score. Click EQUUS LOUNGE to check out the website and then try and tell me that you don’t want to be inside that tent, mingling with the best of the best. Insane!

Tickets for the J&B Met cost R125, which gains you entrance. But for the best in lifestyle excess, click J&B MET to be directed to the website and then click “Hospitality” in the left hand bar. There you will find the best places to be at the J&B Met.

The theme this year is Connect Couture and I have no idea what that means. Whatever you wear though, it will be covered in dust and booze by the end of the day if you are there to party. It will be crazy!

Let’s just hope the parking lot does not catch on fire again.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I have been really good lately in not going out and exercising a lot in preparation for stuff(Obviously being Fight Club I’m not allowed to talk about it so I won’t) No really I did some skipping with my new Nike Speed Rope(R160 at Sportsmans Warehouse in Rondebosch, Klipfontein Road I believe) this morning and now my calves feel like they are on fire. Wait until I hang my speedball up, I think in me, we have the next Iron Mike Tyson on our hands seeing as though I am doing the boxers workout.

What I wanted to say is that I twisted my arm today. In fact my friends twisted it into going to Tiger Tiger tonight for the “Golf pros and tennis hoes” party. Something about the name of that party just sounds correct in my mind.

So if you are young-ish, you can head off to Tiger Tiger tonight either dressed as a golf pro or a tennis ho. Naturally I was going to go as a tennis ho, but then I realised I don’t even like tennis that much.

It’s just that I have that nice pink Nike dress I used to like to wear when I went through my Maria Sharapova stalker stage.

GOOD LORD! Did I JUST type that loud?

Please do excuse me I am totally out of character.

Apparently if you dress in theme you get in free and if you are a student( Ahhh the days…) you get their new VIP student card. Wicked!

It’s a lot they are giving out there. VIP student cards, no entrance fee and loads of pros and hoes. Wah wah wee wah! I like! Sexy time!

Look I need to go rummage through the old golf bag and see if I can kit myself out tonight. Although I fear I may not be able to dress as a golf pro, so I’m going as a golf mogul.

“Did anybody say good shot?”

“Ah great shot Mr President!”

Some of you may understand that. Whatever, use it or lose it.

So that’s your schedule tonight.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I received a Facebook invite ( Is the world now turning to Facebook for invites?) concerning the L’Ormarins Queen’s Plate Horse race, which takes place at Kenilworth Race Course in Cape Town this coming Saturday, the 29th of December 2007.

I have never actually attended the event, and I’m not sure if I will make it this year due to the end of year mess that everyone no doubt finds themselves in. It seems that at the end of the year we are as busy as we are at the beginning of the year. It is crazy around these Cape Town parts!

Anyway, the L’Ormarins Queen’s Plate Horse Race is obviously sponsored by none other than L’Ormarins, the wine label. Apparently the L’Ormarins race is seen as the form race for the J&B Met, which takes place six weeks later.

Oh yes! The Met! It is undeniably one of the biggest parties of the year. I spent it last year at the tent hosted by the Culture Lab clothing label, available at YDE. It was madness! Obviously the constant supply of vodka and Red Bull helped proceeding along smoothly, but the J&B Met is always a good occasion.

I don’t even want to think of the Met right now. It makes my mind go crazy!

So that’s it, the L’Ormarins Queen’s Plate Horse Race.

This Saturday.

29 December 2007

Kenilworth Race Course

Cape Town

South Africa

Time: 11am- 12pm(According to my Facebook invite)

More information on the L’Ormarins Queen’s Plate Horse Race over HERE.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

One of my favourite South African bands(And bands in general), Just Jinger, will be playing a one off show at the Grand Arena at Grandwest Casino tomorrow night, 14 December 2007. It seems like quite the popular venue to host the big names and I think earlier this year Enrique Iglesias played there. But no one really knew because no one really cared. Probably because all the girls now realise he has a girlfriend who he won’t let go of. Come on Enrique, we all know the way to sell out concerts is to be single! Look at James Blunt, he is definitely not as pretty as you, but he does alright. And he comes right.

But Just Jinger really are good, otherwise I would not tell you about them.

It’s interesting that a name like “Just Jinger” actually worked. It just sounds right. If they are playing at a club, you can quite easily say “Just Jinger do Hemisphere”

On the other hand, imagine they had called themselves “Just Dill” For those not schooled, Dill is a herb. So if they were playing at Hemisphere, it would say
“Just Dill-Do Hemisphere” Obviously the two middle words would cause some confusion.

So I think Just Jinger was a good name to choose.

You know I’m rambling a bit now so I should stop. I just love talking. I’m not drunk I swear. Honestly. No seriously I’m not.

So Just Jinger play at the Grand Arena, Grand West, tomorrow night, the 14th of December 2007. In addition, Flat Stanley will be playing too! I just read that now.

Doors open at 19:30 and the gig is 2hrs30min long with no break in between. So don’t drink too much.

Click your mouses head on JUST JINGER AT GRAND ARENA to make your computer take you on a little joyride right through the internet and through The Matrix to Computicket where you can book tickets for the show.

BOOM it’s go time!

Sean Lloyd

Editor