Note: This article is just a mash up of various conversations I have heard, and not related to any specific one, so you kind of get the point. Cool.

It’s always amusing to hang out with different crowds in your lifetime. While you may belong to one specific crowd most of the time, it’s always cool to hang out with other people because the way people act, and the things they talk about are a source of constant amusement.

With the local news sources loving the whole crisis in the country at the moment, it is refreshing to remove yourself from that crowd and chat with people who have other important things on their agenda. Like older females.

Which is what I did, I hung out with some of the older, wealthier crowd and surprisingly the weather has been coming up a lot. Now I never got involved hectically in conversations with these people, but I rather giggled from the sideline, as they got into serious conversations about the weather and their views on it, as thought they studied meteorology. The only things they study with a Hawk’s eye are their husbands bank accounts, to see that they can buy some more La Mer eye cream at the end of the month.

I think people in Cape Town believe that once we hit a certain day of the year, a new season automatically starts. Now that the date is the 26th of May people think it wrong that we should have a sunny day.

“You know Joan this weather is doing very funny things, look at it today, it’s a beautiful day!”

“I know but you know what I think?”

“What?” Denise says as though she were listening in on a conversation at the White House.

“I think we are just going to have very concentrated downpours late in the winter. That Al Gore was right, everythings changing, it’s got to do with that whole global warming thing”

“I know and you know I have only just started recycling all my household waste, it’s unbelievable how much I used to throw away”

“You know we have to recycle these days”

Suddenly Diana butts into the conversation.

“It’s very hot today isn’t it?”

“We were just talking about that isn’t it strange?” Says Denise.

And so the conversation goes, in circles, until an hour has gone by and you realise these old chicks have spoken about nothing interesting AT ALL! Not only that, they have spoken the biggest load of rubbish you will ever hear.

The way they dramatise things is awesome as well, as though this stuff is important to national security.

“If we don’t conserve water there is going to be none left you know, I always turn off my tap when I brush my teeth now” Says Denise who lives in Constantia and has a garden the size of Borneo and consumes probably more water than the entire suburb of Claremont!

Elderly, wealthy suburban women come up with the most bizarre topics of conversation, always dramatic though as to make out as their lives are so tough! Meanwhile back at the ranch their husband is CEO of a major company and they earn R50000 a month on investments alone in their name.

But rich friends always have poor friends and so they downplay their situation to the poor friends.

“The price of petrol is ludicrous though” Rich friend says

“I know we just sold our car, traded it in for a Clio, we are saving a lot more money” Says the poor(ish) friend.

“Oh we just bought a new Land Crusier but we need it you know, John and myself like to take the boat up to Hermanus every now and then so we need a big car, but it’s just so expensive around town.” Says rich friend, just to make the poor friend feel better. The poor friend ends up just feeling poorer!

“The price of petrol is ludicrous!” Says the rich wife, as she starts her brand new supercharged BMW X5, and charges off into the Camps Bay sunset.

“I don’t know how ANYONE can afford property these days” Says the rich wife to her poor friend, all the while drinking a glass of Moet and admiring the ocean view.

I believe each and every one of you should hang out with elderly(Well not too old, like 50-ish) suburban women.

The topics of conversation will be the petrol price, the price of food, the weather and anything else dramatic and exciting.

“Organic food! I only eat that now, pesticides are harmful” The wealthy wife says, while taking a long drawn out drag on a pencil thin cigarette. You won’t hear these chicks just having a chilled afternoon conversation!

Although once the white wine starts getting knocked down the hatch you will hear stories of how they would do illegal things to their sons friend, who is 26 years old and models. You will also hear stories about how their husbands drink too much, eat too much junk food and how they don’t really love them, but they have a good lifestyle.

It’s awesome to listen in on the conversations of elderly women. The guys are a lot simpler:

“Jissus our okes got a snot klap in the rugga this weekend hey?”

“Hey barmen when are the C02 shortages going to stop, I’m battling here drinking my brandewyn straight hey, this Coke shortage is kak man”

“No I must go now hey, my missus is going to kak me out if I’m late again”

And so it goes…the lifestyles of the rich and the famous.

Sean Lloyd

Editor