Every so often something on the internet catches my eye. Sometimes it’s Gisele Bundchen naked, sometimes it’s breaking news, other times it’s just stupid celebrity stuff such as Megan Fox looking smoking hot. But a lot of the time it has got to do with money, and the excess lifestyle that can be had if you are heir to an oil fortune or just happen to have parents that invented Tik(Methamphetamine) Then you generally have loads of cash. However, there are some things you just cannot afford, even if you are fairly wealthy and stay in a decent suburb.

I bet you cannot afford R250000 per night to stay in a villa in Cape Town during World Cup 2010! Thats a quarter of a million ront every single day! And it doesn’t even come with a happy ending…nor are the walls sand blasted with cocaine! It’s quite outrageous, but even more outrageous is the fact that there will be someone out there who will be able to afford it. Think about it, 8 nights stay there and you could have pumped a R2 million house…and kept it!

But then again R250000 is not that much when you see how much money some people have. It’s probably a days worth of interest for some. In those terms it’s nothing really. R250000 is probably their equivalent of my R250. I won’t lie though, you would definitely come right in that villa. I don’t even know why I mentioned that because it’s SO obvious.

Bra…off

Panties…off

Making kids while enjoying the view…affirmative

You play it all cool though. You come off Clifton, tanned, white boardshorts, and put on a cream linen shirt. You comb your hair back and slip on your Gucci shades. All very low key stuff here.

You walk up to La Med and take a seat near to the hottest women at La Med. You inch closer to her. Eventually you are sitting right next to her, with a Coke looking drink in your hand(There is a reason)

“Hello” you say, in a faux European accent vibe thing.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you” you purr.

“Um…sort of…” she says nervously.

“Can I buy you a drink?” you say, with a twinkle in your eyes.

“Um…I kind of have a boyfriend, and he is going to be here soon, but thanks”

“I don’t know how to put this…but I have a very small penis”

“Um…what? Can you please move away from me freak show”

“That came out all wrong. I have a very small penis, and so to compensate for that I decided my only chance was to become disgustingly wealthy. I’m kind of…I’m kind of a billionaire”

“A billionaire drinking that shitty drink”

“That is a Lagavulin my lady”

“No buddy that’s Coke!”

“Yes, a Lagavulin and Coke. I sometimes actually wash my dishes with Lagavulin, I have tons of the stuff. What I wanted to tell you was that I have no natural charm. And a very small wang. But I’m very rich”

At this point you get up, and drop a bank statement in her lap confirming that you are a billionaire. She looks up at you with those “I could swallow a tree trunk” eyes. She stands up, you take her hand, you crack wood.

Right then her boyfriend comes sauntering up and confronts you.

“What are you doing with my girlfriend FOOL” he demands, as you are now holding her delightfully perky ass.

“I have a one inch penis”

And then you just walk off, leaving him dazed and confused. That’s it really. If you had huge cash, a situation like this would not be far out of reach. Obviously the boyfriend might want to kill you, but that is why you have a bodyguard.

I don’t know where this story was going, but it just goes to show that no matter how ugly, or small you are, money will cure all.

So if you are battling to come right or are just not as well hung as Ron Jeremy, then you should consider becoming a billionaire. It works wonders.

Trust me, this villa is what we refer to as a panty dropper.

Click HERE to check out some more pics. And anyone wanting to sponsor me a night at the villa for free, don’t hesitate to contact.

Sean Lloyd

Editor