Ladies ladies. I’ll have you know that I was at Chevelle on Friday and saw some chicka-dee wearing a long shirt, which would seem somewhat of a ‘trend’ We’ll explain it with Anne Hathaway, who whilst pale, still ignites something in me sometimes. Sort of like a fire, deep within my loins:

Anne, thinking of me, again

Now the character on Friday at Chevelle was actually not wearing any pants (No jokes), she was just wearing underwear and her pants had been stuffed in her bag. Now while all the other males were gawking at her which was quite pathetic, I was doing a brain scan of my own brain and trying to locate the fashion sector of said brain. And by George, I did! It occurred to me that we were dealing with a fashion trend. While other guys were looking at the rack, I was thinking of a clothes rack. While they looked at the lines, I looked at the cut lines.

Serious!

And so it came to be that I thought it pertinent to mention to all the Cape Town girls that I think the long shirt thing is going to look good on all of you. Look, I’ll also look good on you, but first let’s work off the winter pies shall we? I can’t be seen dealing with the general riff-raff, readers have come to trust the disgusting standards I have set and I shall keep them there. While most are in favour of the ridiculous “Say no to size zero”, I’m still of the old guard. Size zero? Bring it! Everyone loves a Kate Moss, well back in the day anyway.

So let’s go with that look, I like it. I don’t even need to mention the fact that you need a smoking hot body to pull this off, otherwise you might look, let’s say, a little on the wide side. And if you’re on the wide side, you’re offside in Cape Town!

Prrrrrrrt! RED CARD! Out of Cape Town! Crash BOOM bang!

You do know about ManMail, don’t you? Well if you don’t already (Plebb), then I’ll introduce it to you. ManMail is Mantality’s bi-monthly newsletter packed full of everything guys need to know, and it’s free! Woman, drinks, nightlife, food…anything that guys do will be in here. The latest issue is now out and I’m busy having a read over it as I autofellate write this.

I’m not even going to get into what else is in this months edition…but there are a few things there that SLXS readers may be familiar with.

Oooooooh I feel very naughty! Let’s take a sneak peek of what’s in the new edition:

Wowzee! So to catch up on all the information you need to know on woman, simply click the ManMail link in the right column. You’ll see it. Ok, I’ll just give you the link here:

Enjoy!

On the topic of sex, come on kids, don’t do a Jude Law:

Those little buggers will bankrupt you, unless you have a Jude Law bank account. Which I don’t think you do.

Well do me sideways!

I’ve just this very moment found my Rodriguez Cold fact CD, and I tell you my head nearly exploded. It still gets me all excited, even more so now because I haven’t heard it in so long.

You can search Rodriguez on the internet, and some weird things come up like the stories of his death (He’s not dead), and the fact that his album Cold Fact had become a huge hit and yet he was found working on a building site, unaware of the success. The Rodriguez website is a mess and it’s all over the place, but the best thing is just to leave everything to mystery and enjoy the music. You can search him on the internet, but I also came across a nice little piece in the GQ magazine, check it out, I have painstakingly written it out for you only because I love you:

Don’t get the wrong idea about Sugarman

Sugarman was just the idea, not one person or anything. It was the 70′s and the whole globe was turning on. I’m not recommending any of that stuff to anyone. It’s certainly less destructive than alcohol though, but I’m not for hard drugs. I think it’s good to be clean and it’s good to have discipline. Sugarman is a tune, that’s all, I don’t want people to have the wrong idea when the music starts swirling around.

This music thing takes work

A lot of young cats think that it will take two weeks. That they’ll put a CD out and it will all happen. But it’s got lulls, and a lot of people can’t take the lulls. So it’s good to have something outside of it. I don’t mind when it’s quiet.

Regrets…Jeez, I don’t know

When people start talking about the past…anything behind us is gone. You can’t go back there. You can always be here today though.

Age

It’s all an act man, you can fool the mirror, but you can’t fool the clock. You know what I mean? I enjoy what I’m doing and enjoy going out there and a lot of people enjoy what I’m doing.

If it’s going to be, it’s up to me

A lot of guys are better than me at guitar, they’re better looking than me, but I’m lucky. I got luck with this music thing, somebody found my stuff and I’ve seen a lot of things and it’s been fun.

Fashion

You can’t go wrong with basic black. You can match it really easily too. But I just dress for the weather. Stay real. My granddaughter gave me an anarchy t-shirt, with the A like that, but I don’t know if I want to wear it. I haven’t worn it yet.

I don’t have a TV, I don’t have a car, I don’t have a phone…

But I do have a CD player. Thanks for your time, and you can thank me for mine, and after that’s said, forget it!

The bottle

I enjoy drinking wine. It’s my favourite drink. I have abstained, but I find myself in situations where I ask myself ‘Am I going to have a drink?’ Usually, I’m going to have a drink.

I consider myself a writer

I did give some thought to those words. I have a lot of respect for the English language and I also like to mess with it – butterfucker – just twisting it around. I like the word poetry. The language is always being messed with. Like e.e cummings starts breaking words and moving type around, trying to stress something else.

Inspiration is everywhere

I’ve always concentrated on social issues because I’ve always found it easier to write about things that upset me. A lot of the issues are still the same. Even more serious.

The revolution has just started

I’m not into sports or religion. I like music, but I am also interested in politics. All that money is tax payers’ money you know, but somehow it seems like it’s the governments or something like that. I ran for office.
Three times for city council, twice for mayor, twice for the senate…I think change is going to come.

I’m hard working class

Music is my passion but you got to do an internship everywhere else. I think it’s good to stay physically active. Good hard labour. It’s a physical thing, music. So it’s like, you know, it’s good, and it keeps you out of trouble and it’s something to do.

I’ve never played a gig in the states

It’s a heavy market there and I really don’t seek it. It’s two different situations. It’s an odd twist to the story, but yeah, I’m happy at the way things turned out.

Old school

I know this material came out a while back, but I like to consider myself a contemporary. I’m up to date. I watch bands in Detroit and hang out with music people, people in the arts and stuff.

My cult following

Oh jeez, that’s quite a grandiose term. I was walking on the piers the other day and some guy who hangs out there was familiar with the material, humming the bass line to I Wonder. I like that.

And there we have it, that is straight from GQ. See I referenced it so it’s all good. And I mention GQ enough on this website to be able to do as I please with their content.

Give me a damn Pulitzer or something.

I’ve just received this and girls, if you’re hot and from Cape Town, then listen up!

Just a reminder to all who missed out on the once of a life time opportunity of being discovered and chosen as the new face of ck one.

You’re in luck, as these modeling scouts will be back one final time to source that special girl who embodies the spirit of their iconic light and sexy scent.

With a campaign to call her own, a Calvin Klein hamper and R10 000 in prize money, She will not only be discovered, but remembered!!!

So if you think you have what it takes……..get yourself down to TIGER TIGER this THURSDAY 03 SEPTEMBER.

Doors open at 8:00pm
NO under 18 Girls and NO under 20 Guys

BOOM! One minute you’re mincing at UCT like a proper little tart, the next you’re hobnobbing with Kate and Gisele and the crew. And maybe when you’ve finally got some money to go with your looks, I’ll even give you a second glance.

Maybe…

Events for the week at Club 91

Thursday: Euphonik (5fm)

Buy 1 Get 1 FREE
DBL Cane & Creme Soda Special 2 for R22.00 8-11pm
R40 Entrance
Doors Open at 8pm and SPECIALS run from 8-11pm Doors Close at 04am
NO U18 Girls and NO U20 Guys

Friday: The Professionals – Josh Borril, Jono Styxx & lee Munati

Ladies FREE Entry till 10.30pm
Half-Price Cocktails
Something special for the ladies every week!
R40 entry
Doors Open at 8:30pm and SPECIALS run from 8:30-10:30pm Doors Close at 4am
NO U21 Guys and NO U18 Girls

Saturday: Southern Comfort Mardi Gras party

BUY 1 GET 1 FREE till 11pm
Doors Open at 8:30pm
NO U 23 Guys and NO U 21 Girls

Now there is every reason to get out the house and pull some hot birds and some hot guys. It’s green…GO GO GO!

On the day of the Lord nogal!

Yeah so we hit up the Grand Daddy roof last night for some cocktail vibe, there with all the Airstream trailers which are quite sick! We quickly got over that, went to Joburg in Long Street, QUICKLY got over that and then thought, oh Caprice!

That went well. Karma didn’t. Rolled up. Asked for I.D. Cool, whip it out.

“That’s not you in the photo?”

“Yes it is”

“Ok go in”

Door lady, “R50 please”

I look in the door (It’s around 10:30pm) and there are about as many people as I can fit in my hand. Don’t clubs sometimes think, well we don’t have anyone inside, let’s let some people in for free and they might buy drinks and spend some money?

Back to Caprice. Meet some people there, they take my camera, photos, boom!

None of us work

Oh hello there!

Shot guys, it’s always nice to wake up to some great camera photos.

If you are the owner of the rack in the photos, drop us an e-mail (seanl (at) slxs (dot) co (dot) za and you’ll probably receive something of the alcoholic variety, or something similar. I’ll decide)

Great start to a Monday. Nice beach weather, which beach we hitting guys? Could be a little cool but I think it will rock.

Do you realise how hilarious a banana Steri Stumpie is in Afrikaans?

It’s called a piesang melkskommel!

That’s quite disgusting, but the truth hurts, or so they so.

I can’t say the truth about my massive, throbbing 26″ member has hurt yet (Except for hurting others), but maybe it will sometime in the future when I try POLE vaulting with it.

“Naai gatiep, let me skommel jou piesang”

Fridays in the air, clutch fluid and coke, champagne and cocaine. Cape Town is warm and I’m predicting skimpy skirts at HQ and Chevelle tonight. Feel free to touch me, I know you want to.

I actually had no idea that the blonde porn star sounding character in the current Silversands adverts on TV was Dolph Lundgren! Yesterday was a good day for me as I spent it on Twitter harassing celebrities, and when I wasn’t doing that I was messaging chicks on Facebook (I actually don’t even exist, my world is virtual)

I was maxing a Twit, Tweet, Twitter or whatever with Clayton and Dan and Clayton mentioned that the guy in the Silversands advert was none other than Dolph Lundgren, action hero el maximo!

I always imagined Dolph to be the sort of guy that takes a French Holiday. You don’t know a French Holiday? Crisis what is wrong with you? It’s something I came up with a while ago and you cannot use this without referencing myself or SLXS Cape Town.

A French Holiday is when you go away, but don’t pack like a normal person does. When going on a French Holiday, you pack like those dirty French porn stars do, packing the following:

Bialetti stove top espresso machine

Condoms

Gauloises cigarettes

You will drive to your destination in a Citroen

Piz Buin SPF 2 tanning oil. Or any oil from the grocery cupboard.

Speedo or something similar. Think as porno as possible.

And that’s it, you’re ready for your French Holiday, no clothing, nothing needed!

So I  thought that I would let you know that the guy you have been wondering about in the Silversands television adverts is Dolph Lundgren.

Dolph Lundgren was born Hans Lundgren on 3 November 1957 and is a Swedish actor, director, model, and karateka.

He is known for his tall stature and level of fitness and he stands at 6′ 5″ (196 cm) and weighs over 240 lbs (109 kg). He belongs to a generation of film actors who epitomise the movie action hero stereotype including Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Steven Seagal, and Jean-Claude Van Damme, some of whom he has worked with in his career.

In 1985 (The year the Gods of Cape Town were born…ahem…) Lundgren starred in Rocky IV as the Russian boxer Ivan Drago.

Stallone and Lundgren

My personal favourite story is the one about a woman who was tied up in her own house by robbers and then they fled in fear of their lives. It turns out they had broken into Dolph’s home in Marbella, Spain and tied up his wife!

They saw a photo in one of the bedrooms of Dolph and his kids and fled the house, knowing that if Dolph came back and found them they would be turned into porridge.

Check out Dolph’s website

And please enjoy what happens when you try right click, save image on his photo on his website. Look what comes up:

Brilliant! You do know who Thor is don’t you?

You might remember Will Ferrell saying “By the hammer of Thor!” Absolutely fantastic.

Check out Dolph on Knickerpedia

And that ladies and gentleman, is why they call me the Mother Theresa of my generation.

(I’ll have you know that I listened to Michael Jackson the entire time I was writing this article)

At Cavendish, you’ll know that for an hour of parking you’ll be paying R6, and even for 21 minutes you’ll pay R6. Which most people just write off as part of the shopping experience, but doesn’t this seem a touch expensive? As the hours go up it obviously gets cheaper per hour, but for the most part, people are in and out in an hour.

So you’re paying R6 to park, but now consider that you’re not using the entire parking lot, you’re only using the space that your car is parked on. So if your car is 4,5m by 2m, that’s nine square metres. For an hour, it is R6 to rent nine square metres. At a rate of R6 an hour it would cost R144 per 24 hours, and therefore R4320 to rent 9 square metres for a month. That’s R480 per square metre per month. And that’s not even buying into it!

On the other hand, you can get a 1784 hectare farm in Ceres for R2,9 million! Remember, 1 hectare = 10000 square metres. That’s 17 840 000 square metres! That’s around R6 a square metre to BUY! FOREVER!

The possibilities on a farm in Ceres are endless as well. Want to have an out of control sex party? Done! Want to grow your own weed? Done! Want to start up your own Rocking The Daisies style festival? Done! On a farm you’re free to do anything, you can raise cattle if you want, set up a paintball course, open up a brothel, host insane to the power of MAXIMUM SICK parties, you could shoot things, drive off road vehicles, ride motorbikes…all for the price of an average Cape Town apartment.

In honour of a Main O, I’ll name the farm where we’re going to party  “Pleasure Town”

Come to think of it, I may consider buying property in Ceres. I’d literally have a party every two months that would be off the hook. Bus people up to the farm and let them go wild. Sex drugs and rock ‘n roll? We got it! I for a fact would turn my farm into an Ibiza style oasis. I’d make like Sol Kerzner and turn it into a beach. White sand, fake ocean…are you getting aroused by this? The fact is, Sol Kerzner could do this right now if he wanted to. He could build his own party paradise on a farm in Ceres, and host the most phenomenal parties there once a month or once every two months.

Fly some great bands in, get Columbia (Or Camps Bay) on the phone for some great blow, get Manenberg on the phone for some great tik, get me on the phone for size…I think you’re getting the picture now.

I’ve long believed that struggling farmers would do well to host massive parties on their farms with the most basic facilities. People would go up if the bands playing were good, and with a bit of planning, you could host rocking parties. and then that also might get your kids to meet other people so they stop pomping each other, further fueling the inbred people we so often see roaming around Kalk Bay.

Admit it, I’m a genius.

IMDB has this on their website:

Steve Addington is the world’s preeminent surfer – cool, laid back, stoned, shirtless and barefoot, living off endorsements for surfboards and trunks, paid in cash. In Malibu his endorsement contract has been bought by Eddie Zarno, a surfer turned businessman who wants Steve to record his moves for an electronic virtual reality game. Steve just wants to surf. While Zarno tries to change Steve’s mind, the Pacific goes calm – there are no waves for days on end. Steve’s attracted to Danni, recently fired by Zarno, but the lack of surfing drains him. Plus, he’s low on dough. Will he sign with Zarno, get paid, and lose his self-respect?

Surfer, Dude isn’t the best movie I’ve ever seen, I won’t lie. In fact, it’s probably one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. It does allow Matthew McConaughey to get into an easy role, that of shirtless stoner living the beach lifestyle. This is something he does well in his day to day life, and so for a movie it’s a breeze. Surfer, Dude also features Woody Harrelson who is also known to enjoy some weed and a little bit of a hippie lifestyle. He’s done crazy things before like mental long fasts, living off nothing but the land and he is a little bit alternative. But it’s sort of cool!

Matthew McConaughey basically plays himself and Willie Nelson also makes an appearance, obviously smoking a whole lot of weed. McConaughey comes across as just weird in the film, not from a “I wouldn’t trust my kids with him touchy touchy”, but just from an acting point of view. He holds much more potential than this, but his life just continues to be a little on the too chilled side. His company J.K Livin had a hand in the movie, and I also noted that it was a Weinstein production referring to the disgusting, overweight, swearing, Entourage playing Harvey Weinstein. There was this article on Gawker, do take a moment to read that. It seems Weinstein is going down, and putting money in a film like this is a sign that business is bad, and the film is bad.

There was nothing noteworthy in the humour department, rather the film seems to reflect McConaughey a little too much in real life, where his life has gone the way of his character in the film…a little downhill. I dig McConaughey, he’s chilled and all that but he can really hold a lot more in a film. It may be a passion project as he loves weed, being shirtless and surfing, but the film was poorly written, it didn’t bring out any emotion that you’d normally associate with a pro athlete who has hit hard times (Think a little along the lines of The Wrestler), and it didn’t bring any humour. For this genre of film, either you need to bring out some emotion for the audience, or you need to humour them and Surfer, Dude did none of that.

While I’d love to give it a thumbs up because I also like the surfer lifestyle, unfortunately this is a large letdown.

It’s at your nearest video store right now, but give it a skip. For this week there is not too much worthwhile in Cape Town’s video stores, but give The Wrestler a bash, I loved it.

Mickey Rourke is rough, tough and has hit rock bottom in the film, and in a way it is a reflection of how his life panned out, before making a spectacular comeback with the film.

It’s worthwhile watching that this week.

I asked our pro wakeboarding instructor from Bourne2Ride where he has been recently as he’s been fairly quiet, and he didn’t have words for me. Instead he had a picture from a boat.

HATING THAT ASS!

I’m stuck at a computer writing these things, and he’s out with birds on boats?

Something is drastically wrong!

But this is the general lifestyle we lead all the time. I’m not sure, it just seemed a better choice than an office, although I stand to be corrected.

UPDATE: Sorry, that picture was bad quality:

I was reading this site called SuperEco right now, and was on an article about SIGG bottles actually containing something called Bisphenol-A which is apparently bad for you. It can’t be as bad as the shots of brake fluid we used to do back in college. Anyway.

As you know, Google ads are focused around what you are writing about and pick up on keywords and stuff like that, so a site like SuperEco would obviously only like eco things to be advertised. They’re saying that this Bisphenol-A stuff is bad, and yet they’re advertising it!

The ad says “Looking for bisphenol? Visit our marketplace”

Awesome!

So let’s say you were running a Christian website, talking about pre-marital sex. The chances are Google would pick up on ‘sex’ and start advertising whores.

Nice!

Me and Julio, smoking crack down by the church yard.

Check out that post over here . Chances are the ad will show for you too.

Possibly the world’s hottest alternative rock band – The Killers, are soon to tour South Africa. Book NOW for two mind blowing shows for all the hits including ‘Mr Brightside’ and ‘Human’. Having achieved 3 platinum albums, an array of Awards and headlining the world’s biggest festivals, this is by far the most anticipated show this year!

So the Killers will be playing in Cape Town as well as in Johannesburg.

The two concerts take place as follows:

Cape Town leg

Val De Vie Wine and Pol Estate on Sunday the 6th of December 2009 at 6pm. Tickets priced between R396 – R526.

Johannesburg leg

At the Coca Cola dome on the 4th of December at 7pm. Tickets priced from R294 – R526.

Click here to grab your tickets (As all the blogs in South Africa continue to drive traffic to Computicket, with no affilliate program in sight…ha!)

There is nothing worse than being in the jacuzzi, with like, three chicks and the champagne is flowing, clothing is coming off, but there is that little something special missing. And no I’m not talking about your natural charm, because the alcohol is there to replace that!

I’m talking about the smooth tunes from Barry White and Lionel Richie!

Well now it’s possible to buy a speaker, specifically for the jacuzzi/bath/pool. This is what it has to say:

Sound gadgets such as iPods and the like are beautiful things, but when you want to listen to your music around the house, in the bathroom, the Jacuzzi, the garden, or out by your luxurious pool, you don’t want to go ruining them with water and dirt – or come to think of it drag round speakers festooned with wires and cables etc etc. This Wireless Floating Speaker allows you to leave your high-tech gadgetry (and indeed your stereo system) safe in the warm while you take the speakers wherever you like.

You can even float them in the bath or the pool! A small transmitter hooks up to your sound system (be it big or small) and wirelessly transmits your tunes effortlessly up to 150ft away, to these incredibly cool speakers. Wherever you wander round the house or garden you can take your music with you. Hook ‘em up to your iPod, your computer, your stereo, your TV, i.e. whatever has a standard 3.5mm audio output and is pounding out sound, and you’ve got music at your fingertips. Ingenious and indispensable.

Sweet! This is what the bad boy looks like:

Click here to buy it, and pull more chicks, more often.

I can already hear it, “I can’t get enough of your love baby”.

Now…seduce me.