If you’re looking to drop around R180 you can buy some cocaine mixed with rattex, or drop it on black at Grandwest…or just get Foo Fighters Greatest Hits CD/DVD set. It’s one CD and one DVD.
It’s got all the cool songs and also comes with the music videos, where an awesome version of Times Like These is included, it’s currently rocking my world. Check it:
Grab it at Musica, R180. It’s sick!
Read More Add a CommentIt’s widely known that Peddlars is more popular than church on a Sunday and that is why it’s referred to as ‘church’
When people call me on a Sunday asking if I want to go to church, it’s a solid yes.
This church is a little different though and there will be NO reading. NONE!
So we were chilling yesterday listening to the most hilarious story about this siff oke who was chilling and telling everyone about a bird a few tables down at the place they were at, and saying that he’s hook up with her…after three cases of beer, and a bottle of brandy…and probably a bottle of vodka. Turns out, the girls boyfriend is sitting right next to him at the table. BLIND! But it’s true, I know him.
Anyway, in between bouts of laughter and hysterics and an angel sent from heaven to sit behind us on her own, and the hot waitresses, we managed to find a pearler sitting next to us. Smashing a Windhoek…and reading a book.
Chilling to the SICK MAX
While I appreciate his iron will, I don’t appreciate him breaking the rules of church.
NO READING!
Although I can’t quite blame him, I do sit at Kelvin Grove by myself just writing. And from time to time I do the whole solo movie cinema vibe. Because I can!
The following things are acceptable at church:
Look, these rules are not all endorsed by Peddlars as such, but when you have such an awesome setting and you’re so WEALTHY, you might as well do anything. You own the world, you’re awesome and you will act like a kid if you want to.
And yes, you’ll do a donut in the parking lot as you burn out in your 4X4.
When the world wants to sex you, you can do as you please.
Read More Add a CommentI went to watch The Book Of Eli with my buddy Mike for a couple of reasons:
Jess didn’t want to go to dinner with me.
Storm didn’t want to go to dinner with me or ‘ever speak to me again’
Katy said she would go to dinner with me only if I promised not to try lunge her in between the mains and desserts. So naturally I had to pull out of that.
Natalie refused to go with me because she said I’d probably excuse myself again and just disappear and blame my undiagnosed ‘memory loss illness thing that has a name and medication and stuff like that that makes it real, it’s really not a fake made up thing to avoid paying bills’
So we went to check it out and I was a bit tired from Assembly on Friday night (Ending at Tiger for some reason — BTW Assembly is mad and apparently for the girls clothing is optional) and during the first bits I did actually fall asleep. It was also one of the few times I haven’t bought popcorn because I wasn’t with a girl and there was no use for my famous ‘popcorn surprise’
So I won’t even try talk about the movie because I don’t get paid to actually do real work like that. I get paid to talk rubbish. Firstly, Denzel is sporting a sick ass pair of shades in the movie and if you want them they are R1800 for the regular ones and around R2700 for the polarized. They’re called Oakley Inmate and they seem a bit illegal because of the amount of chicks you will pull when you’re wearing them. They have ‘home wrecker’ written all over them but seeing as though it is legal to buy them, then I assume that it is legal to sleep with all the women that will be throwing themselves at you.
What? Albert Einstein once told me over a whisky that you cannot dispute science. And seeing as though God owns science (It’s God’s science), then according to the church you are allowed to take advantage of anyone who lusts after you while you wear these shades. It’s basic science and it’s true and you better listen to me.
So Denzel was wearing Oakley Inmate’s in The Book Of Eli and I tried them on yesterday at V&A and I must say, they are some of the most comfortable sunglasses around. I find Oakleys plastic sunglasses like the Gascan and Monter Dog EXTREMELY uncomfortable, but the Inmate’s fit securely and the lens wraps around to cover your entire field of vision. I’m impressed with the new range of Oakleys, the metal framed ones. They’re cool and the Inmate’s are my favourite and I’d definitely grab a pair.
And Denzel will literally rip your face off and fry it up with some basil, origanum and RAD, and then eat it. That’s how hard to the core he is. He’s actually like this in real life. He’s like Bear Grylls all pumped up on uppers, downers, laughers and screamers. Coke, E, tik, Vicodyn, Oxycontim, the man packs a goodie bag. He’s holding everything but your main chap.
The other cool thing about the movie is that Mila Kunis (From Forgetting Sarah Marshall) is EXTREMELY sexy in the movie! Cute even. Somewhat vulnerable at times, you just want to take care of her! They way she depends of Denzel for safety is cute. Walking beside him on her skinny jeans. Looking all roughed up because the world is over, but still keeping it sexy. For some reason this reminds me of this thing I have for really unstable women, you know when you think you can fix them? You just want to take care of them and fix their cocaine problem, and their mental instabilities and all that. And then one day you wake up and they’re standing over you with a knife, and you’re like “WTF?” and then they just walk out the room and pretend nothing ever happened and they never mention it again and you’re too scared to speak about it and you think they are going to kill you one day and you get a restraining order against them and you take police escorts home and you always surround yourself by people and never walk alone and never arrive home alone…? Oh does no one else know this feeling. Woopsie daisies, it must just be me then!
So sexy…well enough about me let’s talk about Mila (Canned laughter, readers vomiting at the thought of me. One readers grabs her keyboard cable and tries to end the pain of reading this right away. Another grabs crack pipe and repeatedly stabs self)
Basically my current girlfriend, she totally wants me and you can see by the way she was making love to the camera when I took this photo.
When I looked at her I honestly would have done anything at that moment in the movie to hook up with her.
Is this what love feels like?
And don’t tell me I’m confusing lust with love. I’ll tell you a story, kid! I’ll tell you what love is!
You wanna know what love is? Oh I’ll tell you, I’ll bring it!
I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I’m older
Aaaah woah-ah-aahNow this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
And through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colderIn my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
To change this lonely lifeI wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
Aaaah woah-oh-oohI’m gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me, oooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh
I’ve got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found meIn my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
I can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
To change this lonely lifeI wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show meLet’s talk about love
(I wanna know what love is) the love that you feel inside
(I want you to show me) I’m feeling so much love
(I wanna feel what love is) no, you just cannot hide
(I know you can show me) yeah, woah-oh-ooh
I wanna know what love is, let’s talk about love
(I want you to show me) I wanna feel it too
(I wanna feel what love is) I wanna feel it too
And I know, and I know, I know you can show me
Show me what is real, woah (woah), yeah I know
(I wanna know what love is) hey I wanna know what love
(I want you to show me), I wanna know, I wanna know, want know
(I wanna feel what love is), hey I wanna feel, love
I know you can show me, yeah
Exactly, now sit down! Oh and go watch the movie, it’s really great, I enjoyed it which is a nice change from the rubbish I have watched lately like that one with the horse face chick from ‘I Wouldn’t Have Sex With You In Any City’ and Hugh Grant.
Read More Add a CommentI was checking out that Glasshouse For Men website because I wanted to see the staff profiles, to check if there are any hot chicks working there.
Because I have quite a bad groin strain (AGAIN!) that needs one helluva beating (Purely professional). Somehow the crew know about my type, check this out:
Purely professional
This reminds me, I always get people asking how to make money in Cape Town, because they find it hard to enter the market because everyone in Cape Town is friends and they need an ‘inroad’ I tell you what, you need bugger all inroads. If you want to make money in this city, in any city, just open a Rub ‘n Tug.
In any economic crisis, we all know that sex, drugs and alcohol will always sell!
Read More Add a CommentOk, so the plans literally came together a second ago. POW!
See you all there.
Read More Add a CommentI honestly sometimes wonder about people in the ‘service industry’ in this country. Look, there are some good waiters and waitresses, and some good managers, and then there are the people where you think “Jesus, no wonder you work at McDonalds”
I was in Cavendish yesterday and I needed some change so I thought, well this should be easy. I cruised into SUMO outside of Cavendish, held up my R100 note and asked if I could get change.
Now I understand that they might be weary of fake money, but I was hardly sitting there with tik fumes coming out of mouth, a crack pipe stabbed into my eye and my penis hanging out with a dog biting it.
I was standing there looking decent and normal, just wanting some change. The chick at the counter said “No we have already closed the till”
And yet the door was still open, and they were ready to take orders of food.
She sent me to the Donut place around the corner. By God, I should have known what awaited me.
“Hi is it possible for me to get some change here?”
“How much?”
“I just need three R20′s and four R10′s”
So she opens the till, gives me a R50 note, a R20 note, a R10 note and four R5 coins.
Then she turns around and goes to the coffee machine.
“Excuse me can I get R20′s that I asked for?”
No answer.
I asked again.
No answer.
She was about 2 metres away from me and there was hardly a rock band between us drowning out my questions, and my parents are also not glass makers so I was not invisible. Then she turns around and I say “Excuse me…” and she helps the person next to me.
“Hello, I’m not asking for the hand of God to descend from the heavens and hand craft my future wife a white gold and diamond ring while a choir of angels rings in this ceremonious occasion, I just need some change”
She looked at me as though I had just committed the most hideous, vile crime on the planet.
Absolutely shattered off my face by this point, I left and went to the restaurant around the corner and asked for change there.
“We can’t help you”
JAY-ZUZ! What is wrong with people at restaurants? Look, I know the intelligence level is low but they are just really bad. If they had looked closer they would have realised that I really don’t care to give them fake money, because I was wearing shoes that are generally known (Other than to Plebbs) to cost R1300, and sunglasses pushing the R2000 level. Not to rate, but it’s the facts. I hardly look like a drug lord, or a money scammer, or an animal abuser (Which is how the Donut chick looked at me)
All I wanted was some change and what do I get? I get looks of disgust that should be reserved for serial killers.
It’s a strange, strange world.
Does anyone know why people refuse to give any change to decent, respectable looking people? I would have gone to the bank, but it was already past closing time.
Read More Add a CommentSo I do hope you’ve been reading OverDriveTV. Gavin Williams is part of it. You’ll probably remember a couple years back Gavin had the honour of his life when he met me (Even more honorable than being on MTV for Crazy Monkey). You don’t remember that post? (HERE) Strange.
You’ll remember we spoke about the Pagani Zonda before at SLXS when we were in Joburg at the Michelangelo and got photos of the Pagani Zonda outside the Michelangelo Hotel. Is that a good hotel? Check that article HERE.
Anyway, check this little bit of information, straight from OverDriveTV:
“Coming across a Pagani Zonda F Roadster in the metal, in South Africa, is a bit like finding a Panda in Uganda. Let’s just quickly get to grips with this thing: it’s on sale at Future Exotics, in the V&A Waterfront, for a cool R20 million. Depending on the exchange rate, obviously. This particular Zonda F is actually the ‘Cinque’ model, simply meaning ‘five’ in Italian; only five will ever be produced. Ever. The body is made of carbon-titanium fibre, well, because carbon fibre is just so last millennium. The engine is sourced from AMG, and ensures the car reaches 100km/h in 3.4 seconds and doesn’t stop before it hits 350. Small wonder then that it’s fitted with a rosary. The owner’s manual recommends giving it a rub before you switch the traction control off. Just between your thumb and index finger, apparently.”
And photos from OverDriveTV:
I enjoy the fact that it’s R20 million!
“Can I come back tomorrow, I just need to up the limit on my Student Achiever account, we can use a debit card can’t we?”
The guys are doing some cool work on that site, check out their exclusive interview with Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond over HERE, from when the Top Gear crew were in SA recently for the Top Gear Live Show.
POW!
Are you saying pow?
POW POW!
Read More Add a CommentIf I catch you using these words or saying in the vicinity of my actual self, there is a damn good chance that I’ll make you eat a bag of coal and then punch you in the face with a brick that I happen to carry at all times. Do not ever try using any of the following around me:
“They keep moving the goal posts”
“Yeah these guys need to come to the party”
“Raise their game”
“Web junkie” ( If you’re going to use the word ‘junkie’, at least have some sort of cool heroine addiction. If you’re going to be a strategist, at least strategise something awesome and manly like how many litres of beer the next frat party needs, or something else cool like a World War.)
“Tech guru”
“Social media expert”
“Web 2.0 strategist” (Oh so you’re strategising the web are you? Half of what happens online happens for no reason at all. Could anyone have ‘strategised’ websites like College Humour, The Onion or The Superficial? At best you’re a Web 2.0 guesser. It’s the same as entrepeneur being the word for ‘unemployed’)
Your average Web 2.0 Strategist
“It’s a win-win situation” (It’s probably not really)
“Step up to the plate” (Oh sorry are we playing baseball here? Are we going to eat something? You’re losing me!)
“Our company always gives 110%” (Oh really? That’s funny, because that’s like stuffing 110 ml’s of juice into a 100ml glass. Or like climbing 1.1 metres up a 1 metre tree. You’re an idiot)
So unless you have a penchant for eating coal and being force fed a brick, you should avoid saying any of the above.
Read More Add a CommentOk ok, I know I don’t do Twitter much but I still keep up to date on the people that matter. So I found this on Rory’s Twitter feed (HERE), he’s always up to date on all the party stuff.
“Good news for SA is that @tiesto will be coming in May for his Kaleidoscope World Tour”
How true is his word? Well he ran into Tiesto the other day at the hotel in Bangkok:
Rory, Tiesto, Claire — Chilled!
So you better believe it! In other party news, Nash made a mention that Steve Aoki is playing at The Assembly on 2 April. Check that HERE.
Sick!
Read More Add a CommentI honestly could not have predicted this if my life depended on it:
It’s a mystery as to why you are not leading the ultimate life after just one issue of Men’s Health, because this is what it gives you:
Honestly though that issue sneaked up on me and round house kicked me right in the face…IN THE FACE!
Read More Add a CommentIf you know what’s really happening in town, you’ll no doubt have heard of Tom Kenmuir who plays at Kelvin Grove. Well apparently that’s him in the photo I took at vida e the other day:
Tom?
The best was the comment left on that post, check this out:
I see the final picture you captured DJ TOM KENMUIR from Kelvin – friday nights baby..
I’m sure there was nothing left to hunt as DJ TOM has probably over hunted the area and killed everything DEAD!
What a legend
Seriously though, ask your folks about the mad jols they used to have with Tom back in the D at Kelvin, in the barn.
And while you’re at it, ask them about Taboo.
In fact, ask anyone in Cape Town about Taboo, still one of the maddest places ever to hit Cape Town. I really miss the old Claremont days of Blink (Later Fubar) and all those jols.
Blink beach parties! I used to stand in the line absolutely shattered out of my face, walk to the front, get asked for ID, get bounced, then I’d just rejoin the line straight away. After about two hours of this they would eventually just start letting everyone in. We’d then party there and then hop across the road to jam to Billie Jean in Tin Roof. We would dance on the tables and fall off them. And after a while, because Tin Roof never played new stuff, you’d know exactly which song was coming on next so you knew whether to keep dancing, lunge at the nearest chick, get a drink or go have a little tactical chunder before joining the sweat pit.
Oh my wasted youth!
Read More Add a CommentSo yesterday we saw Locnville from the guys at Zoopy, and today we’ve got a little Jack Parow, sick!
Parow Arrow…How sick is his Puma ‘Parow’ shirt?
Click here for the direct link to that, where you can also watch it in HD.
Read More Add a CommentSo while chatting with Grant the other day he mentioned Chat Roulette which is just up my alley! And I will use “Just up my alley”
It’s a simple concept, you are connected at random to someone logged onto Chat Roulette and you can chat to them via typing, and also see their faces on webcam if they have one connected. You can also opt to only be connected to people with a webcam on.
So I met up with Gary yesterday at Mugg & Bean in the V&A Waterfront, and we just chat rouletted it! It’s seriously the most amount of fun that you can have but it also shows you how messed up the world really is. It’s quite disturbing how many times you are connected to people just having a wank! I’m serious, you get connected to these freak shows all the time. Who does this?
It’s actually really disturbing because we’ve also heard stories from the Entourage of seeing someone with blood everywhere (Not moving), a torso hanging from the ceiling and other weird stuff. The internet is awesome but it also just goes to show how messed up some people in the world really are. Maybe they are just messig around but still, that makes it just as weird.
So while we were chilling at the V&A just having fun, some people were on Chat Roulette stalking people, having a wank and possibly filming their deaths. Weird! It’s also decidedly low on normal people. Yesterday we were not once connected to a woman, most of the time it was weird dudes in dark rooms.
Yesterday at V&A — Working hard again
But sometimes you’re connected to cool people also just doing it for a laugh which is rad. It’s actually kind of thrilling, talking to a random stranger who could be anywhere in the world. There is no commitment and you can press stop anytime. Crisis, it’s somewhat addictive! It’s not the type of thing I do by myself, but when you have a group of mates and you’re bored it’s awesome!
It’s hard to explain, but being connected to a random person and talking to them is awesome.
And you might find some Swedish underwear model, imagine that.
Check it out by clicking HERE.
Read More Add a CommentMyself and Trem both noticed this immediately as we left Peddlars on Sunday, and not because we’re interested in art:
Who approved that bad bitch?
Read More Add a CommentI do hope you’ve been tuning into channel 198 on DSTV of late, because it is a sure fire way to make you all sorts of happy! I’ll be honest with you and let you know that the happy feeling is bordering on sexual. Not a word used lightly and especially considering we’re talking about moving pictures on a box that sits in your ‘TV room’ or bedroom or kitchen.
I don’t know where to start because it is difficult to find a starting point when describing all the best music of your life.
And that is essentially what VH1 Classic is all about…the best music that you have ever heard in your life. I don’t really listen to the radio because one good song is generally followed by the DJ talking crap, then 30 shit songs, and then a good one. It’s like they intersperse the good with a lot of the bad.
It’s like having a cocaine addiction, but doing one line of coke followed by 30 lines of Rattex. It’s at some stage going to kill you, which is what local radio such as 5FM did to me. On VH1 Classic you are literally hit with powerhouse songs every single minute of the day. You just end up wiping the tears after singing along to the song from Ghost when you’re hit by something equally as awesome. And it’s difficult to deal with.
In between tears of pure joy I managed to take some screen shots of the mind blowing songs being played, let’s have a look:
Hungry Eyes
Don’t Worry Be Happy
Swazzles Taking A Bird From Behind
So check that out! Because how crazy are those songs?Put it on while your girlfriend is round and she’ll be all over you in no time.
In related news my dog humped my leg when the Titanic song came on.
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