So I’ve been browsing Mantality.co.za (As per usual) and been making a few sneaky buys, and then…I came across (Not on — Thanks Nash ha ha!) some of the most awesome things, stuff that I have never actually seen before anywhere. Stuff that I think you need to know about to make your life even more awesome. I mean, not that you’re not awesome, but we can all do better.
You know, I wanna go fast!
Check these cool gadgets out:
I don’t drink anymore unless it’s a really ridiculously special occasion (Last night for instance, 2oceansvibe Radio Media Launch — Phuzad) and now I know why. I feel like that damn Cape Town cat pissed in my mouth, and let’s be honest, I don’t know when to stop on the champagne, especially when it’s mixed with energy drink.
But I know you’re a raging alcoholic! So as you know, your wine needs to be aerated so that you can properly taste the green peppers, poppadoms, poppy seeds, juniper berries and gefilte fish (Rabinovitzskigoldberg)
And this is where a wine aerator comes in, to speed the airing process up so you can get onto the vino train and get hammered drunk quicker. Here is a bit more about it:
We all enjoy a bottle of wine from time to time, but if you want to enjoy it properly you need to let it breathe. That’s why the last glass of wine out of the bottle always tastes better than the first (and here was us thinking it was because we were drunk). The Vinturi Wine Aerator makes your wine taste fantastic from the first sip. It’s remarkable how easy this gadget is to use…Click here to read more.
Don’t ask me how this works, but it’s SICK!
A classic ECO clock, powered by water and available in five colours. Accurate, Environmentally friendly, Easy to use, and powered by water. A high quality clock that runs itself!
Running 100% on natural power, without batteries, chemicals or anything other than water and a dash of lemon juice. Fill it up for more than six weeks of timekeeping. Click here to find out more.
Now this is something AWE-SOME! Because you’ve been eating pies at your desk, there is all sorts of rubbish in your keyboard, and in your phone (Fatty boom cracker!) and you need to clean it out. Have a squiz at this beast:
This bright and perky little Flubber lookalike manages to squidge its way into the gaps of your computer keyboard instantly killing germs on contact and defluffifying the device like only a blob of goo can. No sticky residue to damage your precious electrical gadgets and no nasty bacteria either. Not only that, but it can be used with a host of other devices that gather fingerprints and bacteria. We had a great time making sure the office collection of mobile phones, MP3 Players and remote controls were completely free of crumbs and germs…Click here to read more.
Oh the baby! Remember burning ants when you were a tyke? (Not dyke) Well now you can actually have just as much fun keeping the bad boys alive. It’s like Christmas all over again, that’s how rad this gadget is. Check it:
All you have to do to provide your 10-15 ants (kidnapped from the garden will do fine) with a comfortable and nutritious environment to thrive in is poke a few holes in it and let them run free. They’ll soon create an amazing network of tunnels, and you’ll be able to watch them go about their business even more clearly than before (bear in mind they probably won’t be popping to the corner shop or running errands, mostly they just love a good burrow).
The blue illumination makes a beautiful accompaniment to the whole package, and lends an almost alien-like quality to any front room (not in the nerdy “my wife let me decorate the house like the Starship Enterprise” kind of way – this is much cooler)…Click here to read more.
Just a bit of fun really, like the days of glow in the dark stickers, only bigger and better!
No batteries needed for this eco friendly night light, simply place the brick somewhere it can receive daylight (during the day) and watch it begin to glow as night falls. Makes a perfect glowing ambient light that needs no looking after…Click here to read more.
Read More Add a CommentI know of this ‘first year spread’ syndrome that affects the majority of people once they leave school. I think you are obviously less receptive to advertising once you’re out of school, and you stop taking Phedra Cut and also stop going to gym. Chicks have quite a nasty habit of thinking that the human body runs on pies and cane and cream soda once they reach 18 and leave school. This is like thinking your Citi Golf can run on aviation fuel. Girls need to know that men have Greek God bodies, and they need high energy fuel such as pies and cane and cream soda. Girls are the Toyota Yaris’ of evolution, and need unleaded fuel such as Light Wine and anything green like salad leaves etc.
You will notice a distinct pattern between human genetics and cars. Guys drive oil well killers like Range Rovers and chicks drive cute little teenie weenie cars like Yaris’ and Smart cars. Guys cars need ultra high performance fuels and girls cars need light fuels. Guys need cocaine and alcohol and burgers, and girls need Canderel and water and lettuce.
Don’t be hating me hater, you can’t mess with science!
Ummm…where was I going with this? Ok we’re going a bit sideways here, let’s kick this back on track.
I was out the other night and suddenly a line came into my head and it wasn’t marching powder…it was like a real English line. This was it:
“Jesus Mary and goat herding Joseph!”
I had seen someone I knew from back in school and to say he looked shit would be a massive understatement. He looked like a train wreck, except train wrecks can be recycled into new trains. This oke was beyond trashed. He was smoking and boozing and sweating and he said he was working at some random company doing data collection or some shit. Now I don’t really care what job you have, but some people just let loose once they leave school. Not to say I’m a Greek God of athleticism, well actually I am, but seriously, is it necessary to leave school and do every drug on the planet and grow your hair and not shower and look 45 when you’re 25?
Your average dude after leaving school
Which is another reason why I never cared for school, if you look at all the ‘cool kids’ from school, they’re very average now.
Obviously you know, I was a nerd at school and then turned into a Roman God Of Ladies and athleticism…this is true. Yes we cannot deny it.
Excuse me miss, put the whipped cream away. I know you wanted to put it in my coffee, but you must realise that a foamy latte makes me all farty and bloated.
Lose 15 pounds immediately or get out of my visionary field!
Read More Add a CommentKulula.com are having some specials, with flights starting at R299. So it’s only a gram to some of you.
This is quite handy if you need to fly to Joburg to pick a suit up or something, but other than that, you won’t need to go to Joburg. Trust me.
It’s also handy if you went on an absolute bender in Cape Town, and woke up in Durban or Joburg in a Japanese families wreck room and you had no money to get back. So if you’re looking for flights that are cheaper than a round of drinks (Well actually anything will be cheaper than the One & Only with a Red Bull and a glass of red wine costing a cool R110), then check out Kulula.com.
You plebb you!
Read More Add a CommentAre you struggling to impress your girlfriend?
Are you single and wanting to get pants shittingly drunk?
Wait…those are the lines I’ll be using for promoting cane!
Sorry about that. Just to let you know though, that Getwine.co.za are having a sale where you can save up to 50%, and taste before you buy. There is even a mystery case of 12 bottles going for R249, sick! Here are all the details you need to know (Boozer!)
So now you can impress the socks off…I mean the panties off…your girlfriend with some superb wine, and your girlfriend won’t even know you paid the plebb price, nice!
Click here for the Getwine.co.za website.
Read More Add a CommentLook, I’m not going to lie to you, that headline was a bit of a lie. But the words ‘Halle Berry’, ‘Shark’ and ‘South Africa’ are true.
Halle Berry is headed to South Africa for a movie called ‘Dark Tide’, which is the story of a diving instructor who returns to the waters after nearly being killed by a shark. I read it on Just Jared…
I mean, I actually don’t know why I mentioned this because it’s flippen’ boring! I don’t care about Halle Berry and I certainly don’t care about her movie. I just really wanted to make like the Daily Voice and have a sensationalist headline. So now I’ve done it, so we don’t have to do that again. I just needed to get it out of my system, like that time you wanted to do coke off a dead hooker while the Queen watched. Once it’s out of your system, you’re fine.
I’m fine now.
Or am I?
(Source)
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Sex And Smut after their win
As you know our good friend Trem and Wes were playing in the Mooks Battle Of The Beats DJ Competition this past Saturday at Bonafide in Long Street. I tell you, Saturday was an ABSOLUTE TREAT in my life!
I HAVE NEVER!
While waiting for Trem to play, we were waiting outside in the street. Not wanting to be offered cocaine (Rattex) again, we decided to vacate the street and hit Stones for a drink. I’m not sure what was worse, being offered coke or going to Stones and finding out that the barman was in fact stoned. But I was saying to everyone, that those experiences are the ones that make life awesome. You can go sit at the Mount Nelson and have a drink, which is awesome, but everything is just too perfect. Your barman won’t be on narcotics, and you won’t feel alive when you leave the place, because your life is never really threatened.
When I say I was nervous on Saturday, I really mean it. We were chilling waiting to order a drink, and some sort of Jesus character came up behind us and was looking for trouble with everyone. The barman was telling him to get fucked, he was telling the barman to watch ‘his box’, whatever that meant, then the barman was telling him there was fish in his box. Then suddenly this guy wanted to order a hamburger, I mean, it was a proper lunatic bin in there!
Anyway, this Jesus character scared me a little bit because he had a broken pool cue in his hand, and a stick of burning incence. Crisis alive, it was like some sort of witching hour. The loonies were out in full force. I didn’t know whether to laugh or not when ordering from the barman, whose eyes were blood red and he was just mincing around behind the bar, having the time of his life.
I honestly felt like they were filming a movie, because then we looked to the other end of the bar, and there was a guy who looked like McLovin from Superbad! The only thing is this guy (White) had a passion gap! Like a full on passion gap that is made for loving. But he was there with two chicks. To say that my mind was in an absolute state is an understatement. There was a little hamster running around in my head at full speed, trying to figure out if this was real or if I was dreaming. Then from the nerves (Thinking Jesus was going to shoot us), there was a little Japanese man doing the hammer throw in my stomach.
We decided we should finish our drinks on the balcony, so if there is a shoot out, we can just jump into the street and break our legs. And then get all of our stuff stolen by meth heads.
This was our introduction to the balcony:
Kiff. Deciding that this was enough, we finally headed back to Bonafide, which seemed like a safe haven, the circle of trust, the place where we were protected from the ourside. And we were!
No one seemed to be on drugs, no one was trying to order food from the shop assistants, and the vibe was rad! Congratulations to everyone involved, but it was pretty clear that Sex And Smut were going to win just by the way the crowd were acting. Especially the hammered guy up front with the hat on, I think his mouth actually got stuck onto the tequila bottle at one point. Sex And Smut were drinking tequila and apple sours straight from the bottle during their set…why? Because they can!
And in true sex and smut style, the nipple cream was there, right next to the decks. Obviously!
Nipple cream…I know two people who use this…
If I must let you know, there is a full leather biker jacket there, from Mooks, and it’s the last one and it is SICK…let’s have a look:
So maybe if you ask for a discount you can get it for R3000? I’m just saying…you might be able to get it for DISCOunt DISCOunt. It’s goats leather so you know it’s good!
So anyway, I was super stoked that Sex And Smut won, they’re awesome, but I told you that the other day. It’s also a great concept from Mooks, I seriously think they should look into having a competition like this to have the winning DJ’s play a set at a Cape Town nightclub…perhaps Tiger could do with a bit of variety? Just maybe? Look into it guys, it’s not a bad idea.
We went to Fez later in the night (Saturday) and JEEZ LOUISE is the DJ deaf? There is no way he could have heard what he was playing and thought ‘OMG this is SICK! The crowd will LOVE this!’
To listen to one monotonous beat the entire night is like grating cheese, but instead of cheese, your balls. Or your tits. Since Saturday I’ve heard countless people commenting on how insanely terrible the music was, and I don’t know what makes Fez think that the music was by any standards half decent.
Look, if I was cooking my brain on acid, that one monotonous beat would probably do me good as my heart would beat in tune to it, thus keeping me alive. Other than that, I would rather be hit by a Boeing 747 than force my ears to vibrate to that horror show.
Well it’s a new week now, Fez is off my Saturday party list until the music changes, and we’re ready to kick this week off like a dead leppers head.
Who’s with me?
Yes miss, you appear to be, but please keep your panties on. You’re clearly from the 70′s and we don’t want any bush fires going on.
Keep that to the Australian outback. And Ron Jeremy back in the day. Tell Madonna too.
(Congratulations Wes and Trem…you guys rock!)
Read More Add a CommentWell that was actually last night, but anyway! (I mean seriously, how is is that I wake up in a Japanese families wreck room, peanut buttered balls, the dog playing Playstation and a little Japanese child licking the peanut…Forgive me father for I have sinned)
So our good buddy, the ‘Beat Bitch’ Trem, is going to be sexing and smutting her way through Saturday. In related news, Gertrude will be sexing and smutting her way up and down Kenilworth Main for R50…for her ‘Day Spa’ package.
Trem And Wes — Sex And Smut
Seriously though, enough of the tik flashbacks, my good friend Tremayne is involved in the Mooks Battle The Beats DJ Competition. Trem does actually know how to party, she will in fact jam out with…whatever, families read this website. Anyway, myself and Trem know how to disco, and in this spirit I will be supporting her tomorrow. To get an idea of how we party, this photo was taken at Assembly a while back. A perfect picture to warn your kids of the dangers of clubbing (Not seals, that’s fine):
The people your parents warned you of…
Trem and Wes, AKA Sex And Smut will be battling it out against I don’t know who because I don’t care about them, we’re there for Sex And Smut. Oh and also to support the DJ’s!
You can check out the FULL event details over HERE on the Facialbook.
But essentially, it starts tomorrow (Saturday) at 3pm and ends at 8pm at Bonafide, Shop 207, Long Street. They’ll be giving away Mooks stuff, actually I’m not sure. But surely they will be? Probably.
Click HERE for the Sex And Smut Facebook page.
See you philthy cats tomorrow!
And remember, Sex And Smut safely, if you’re going to be sexing and smutting AFTER the show!
Suip the Cape in shape.
Read More Add a CommentI remember as a lightie…in fact I actually still remember it from now…the only reason to watch tennis is for the hotties! You’re chilling there innocently with the folks on a Sunday, doing your homework while the tennis is on, and your old lady is really interested in the score. Meanwhile you and the old man are just waiting for Kournikova’s serve to shoot her dress up and show some camel toe. Come on, admit it!
Yes, yes, we all know you, you dirty dog.
Anyway, cyclists also love to show off their packages for some utterly bizarre reason. I’ve never quite had the desire or fetish to want to show my package to the world through spandex. But a lot of cyclists absolutely bust a nut by being able to sit at a coffee shop, post ride (Or sex — same thing to cyclists, only difference is they don’t spend R5000 a month on their girlfriends) while their moose knuckles hang out, dripping sweat from their balls onto their Sidi carbon shoes, chowing down on espressos and talking about lactate threshholds, gruppos, cadence, splits and all sorts of other shit that you should not really care about, because you should care about the ride and the scenery.
As if dropping moose knuckle and camel toe were not bad enough, our boys now seem to think they’re Fabio! Oh…what’s that over on my face…oh howzit I think that what we call Blue Steel BOOOOOOM!!
I bought this months Bicycling just to check on the scene, and the most pornographic cycling photo shoot EVER just happened to be spread eagle in the pages. Check how serious these okes are about life, I bet you the guy isn’t thinking about his belter girlfriend at home, he’s probably just itching to go back home and log onto the ‘Weight Weenies’ website to see if he can get a lighter headset next month. Or maybe, you know, drop a new carbon crank into the mix when he gets next months salary.
This is how they look…ALL THE TIME!
I love it when people are so serious about life that it’s actually a bit embarrassing, you know? When there are more important things on the agenda, these okes are just trying to Blue Steel the shit out of this look, rocking the Moose Knuckle all the way to the sprint.
Our boy putting his sex face on…the same face he uses when pounding on his Selle Italia saddle…for long, sweaty hours. But seriously, what was this oke thinking at this very moment in time?
Why do people treat me differently just because I’m really, really ridiculously good looking?
Can you imagine how rock hard the okes get when they see their chicks on their bikes. Their main problem when their chick is naked on their bike is…how can you stick one in a bike? What lube do you use? What if there is a crack in the carbon seat tube and you spear your shaft?
Life is full of questions.
Read More Add a CommentGQ is surely a men’s magazine aimed at a lifestyle of elitism and class and style and snobbish behaviour probably…suits me doooood! They feature some ridiculous stuff though, like socks for R1500 and jeans for R5000 and whatever else (Mind you, I do have my jeans flown in from overseas…preppy bitch!) Which is why their free gifts complete throw my mind into a state of panic and confusion.
WHY?! Why do they do this every month?!
I ask myself this every month as yet another piece of shit is given to me with their magazine.
So you’re in your mid twenties, early thirties, probably driving your own car and living on your own/with friends/ a partner, you’re visiting the places GQ recommends, you’re dating girls that look like they’re GQ models. You’re eating at GQ recommended restaurants, you’re drinking at GQ recommended bars. You’re earning 10k or more a month.
You strive to look your best, hence the reason for buying GQ.
And then they give you some ridiculous polyester hat…for what? FOR WHAT?!
The quality of the free gifts in GQ is shocking, and no one uses them. They are surely not a draw card to buy the magazine, and if they actually are, then the magazine must be really terrible.
Now if GQ sold 30000 copies of that issue with the hat on, there were no doubt 30000 hats that were probably thrown away, no one is going to wear them. So you’ll read articles on being eco friendly in GQ, and then they come out and throw 30000 ridiculous hats into the environment. Plus, it looks really AWESOME when you wear it, check how RAD I look!
Do GQ really want their readers to look like this? NO (Mind you I’m a terrible example in any case…but lets focus on the cap)
Way to build on the reputation that GQ has worked so hard to gain over the years.
Kiff.
Read More Add a CommentThe only thing I’ve ever hated about South Africa is our limited access to high end fashion. We never get the full ranges and it’s always hard to source the good stuff, and when we do, the exchange rate takes a jackhammer, puts it to our wallet and turns on, obliterating it!
I’m a huge fan of classic dressing…white v necks, leather jackets, cotton military jackets, dark slim denim, quality leather shoes (Pointy, never square, we’re not wanting to look like Richard Hammond) I like clothing that is going to last a long time and that won’t go out of style the next time Lindsay Lohan changes her underwear (In about 3 months)
Leather jackets aren’t too easy to find in South Africa, but Country Road at the V&A Waterfront have some really cool, extremely soft ones for about R6000. Diesel at the V&A Waterfront also had an amazing black one the other day for about R7000. But check this bad boy out from Rick Owens:
I’ve never! $2500 though…if you can even find that one still. I sometimes wish we had clothing like that in South Africa. Anyway, leather should always be fitted, never baggy, and GQ have a cool guide to choosing denim jackets should you be looking for one. Check it out HERE.
And here is a video too for those interested:
Now you can live like an absolute rock star! And remember kids, always wear leather with a white v neck t-shirt and Aviators!
Where the hell is my real gun?
(Thanks to Charlie V for the use of the Aviators!)
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I remember when YDE started, we all saw so much potential in it. A place where designers with talent but limited resources could showcase their work.
And now look at it…a dreary place with white lighting, absolutely no atmosphere or customer experience, another sell out, another part of the corporate world, a place no person with street style would actually shop.
A place full of polyester, another fake world designed to drain your wallet and make you look like shit. A place where the actual soul of the fashion industry is non existent. A place where you surely cannot be proud of our young designers? A place where the clothes shrink, a place where the ‘large’ label actually means ‘midget’
To me fashion should have a soul and a feeling, and your clothing should reflect your lifestyle, dreams and aspirations. Clothing should grow with you, age with you, party with you and be one with you. I don’t see this at YDE. I see it as the bubblegum of the clothing world. Something you chew a few times, then spit it out and watch someone else walk all over it. I have pieces of clothing in my wardrobe that I absolutely love, jeans that are essentially me, jackets that I love, items of clothing that possess wear marks from my life. Items of clothing that share my past and remind me of good times. Items of clothing that people recognize me by…maybe I’m too passionate about clothing and the way it should be worn. I believe in having a small selection of top quality clothes that you wear until you lose them or break them. Clothing that you wear until it falls off you. Clothing that becomes synonymous with you. I like ‘real’ clothing too…leather, organic cotton, hemp. The real quality stuff.
I walk into YDE and feel ashamed that this is a representation of our young designers. It’s ugly, it’s made of crap materials, the cuts are horrendous, everything is too small and it’s common.
If YDE were in London, the chavs would have an absolute field day buying their shiny polyester tracksuit tops there. Because that’s what it is…a cheap showcase of fake materials with no style and passion. I don’t put a hand to a piece of YDE clothing and feel passion. I don’t look at it and see beauty. I don’t try it on and feel awesome about myself.
I hate the way it is so expensive for young designers to showcase their work, I hate the clinical feel of the stores, I hate the clothing, I hate what the brand has become. I just hate YDE altogether, and yet it did have potential at one stage.
It seems the dream of Paul Simon is just another one skewed and butchered by corporate governance.
Awesome.
Read More Add a CommentSo as you know it is the Tour De France and cycling lovers everywhere are absolutely busting a nut over the thought of men in tights, riding fast bikes. I for one am stoked, because I love the tour! I don’t particularly like the fan boys who talk to me about Shimano vs SRAM ‘gruppos’ while I’m out on the jol. Dude, shuddup!
Having said that, cycling is an amazing sport and the equipment that comes with the sport is even more amazing. Oakley manufacture some of the most potent and effective sports eye-wear in the world (I actually wouldn’t even look to another brand for sports eye-wear)
So our buddy Marc (O-Box design, my choice in WordPress themes) is running a competition over at his blog where you can win a pair of Livestrong Oakley Scalpels as well as a pair of Livestrong Oakley Jawbones. Click HERE to enter.
ON…YOUR…FACE!
It’s pretty easy to win them and you don’t need to be a genius, which helps because if you’re reading my writing, you might have some learning difficulties. You’ll obviously be a rad person, but we can’t all be rad and clever can we?
I’ll trade brains for rad any day of the week!
And the Jawbones ROCK! Seriously, as sports sunglasses that is the only model you need to look at.
They are pure rock ‘n roll excess.
Read More Add a CommentWhen I started SLXS a few years ago, it was hard to predict what would happen to it, where it would go, how highly it would be ranked (Consistently in the top 100 blogs in South Africa and Africa). I never had a plan, I just wanted to have a laugh. Over time people have said awesome things about it, they’ve slated it into the ground, giving it the typical ‘Oh so you’re trying to copy 2oceansvibe’ slant. I totally see that angle, and obviously 2oceansvibe was an inspiration growing up. Anyway, I want to get back into my original writing, the stuff that I feel blogging is really about. Writing stupid articles that get you through your day. If you’ve been reading SLXS lately, you’ll know that I’ve been struggling to write stuff, and I don’t think it’s so much a problem of not having content, it’s a problem of me thinking too much about what I put on here. I started to lose my direction when I worried too much about how other blogs were ranking, how I was ending up on their blogs and not mine when searching for Cape Town events etc etc.
I used to write about the most random things and reading over the archives this weekend, I realised that’s what I’ve lost and that’s where I was unique. Instead of looking at other blogs and seeing what they were writing, I used to just write on anything. I’ve written on face creams, parties, art and everything else in between. And I feel those were the glory days, where I didn’t care if you read my writing or not, as long as I was having fun. I literally just realised this weekend that those were the pieces people read SLXS for. Too many blogs are just writing content to keep the page views up, making sure that Google finds them. They’re running competitions just for the sake of keeping readers interested.
Well I’m taking it back to the old school from now on and these are the things I’m keeping in mind, to keep me positive and inspired:
I also received a great comment from one of our avid readers, Clayton, on a piece I wrote the other day:
I agree with you on some blogs just putting on content for the sake of having content but you quickly learn who to avoid, I personally stick to a handfull. The thing is should you not just say “fukkit” and carry on doing your own thing, snap out of it man.!
I read that and it hit me spot on, I need to just do my own thing. That comment, as simple as it was, summed up everything I need to be doing. I need to be doing my own thing. I need to be writing for me, because that’s what I enjoy. And generally, when I’m enjoying my writing, then so are the readers.
Let’s make an old school revival here, let’s bring back the soul of blogging, let’s bring back the SLXS of old. I may not be ranking up there in the top 10, but I’m going to stick to my original goal and not worry about anyone else.
Let’s get back to Smarties and Tenga!
I’m feeling inspired, let’s roll!
Read More Add a CommentI don’t really get attached to things too much. I mean, I am attached to my jeans and my whie leather high tops and my white t shirts and my leather jacket, but if I lost them, I can just buy more. I only get attached to people because if friends are lost, you can’t get them back (Deep for a Monday) I am somewhat attached to my car though, because it just carries everything of mine. I keep clothes in it, there is music, it takes me places and makes me happy. Look, the 17″ white rally rims and the window tint will complete it when I get around to that, but until then, I’m still attached to it in a way.
So I like to keep it clean and I also like to have decent music in it, like Jack Parow for instance. Now it’s skelm that ek ry in a Peugeot 306 en luister na Jack want hy rap so kief, but anyway. At least I don’t read One Small Seed (I don’t drop acid into my tea)
Now when you dine on rock ‘n roll excess, your car might smell of parties and dirt from when you’re railing it on the dirt tracks, so you need to sex it up a bit. I’ve long given up on regular car fresheners as I don’t like the thought of my car smelling like a Sea Point Jewish blue rinse hair, poodle walking old duck who wears Glade toilet spray as an eau de toilette. So I found something else…and it smells like teenage desire, only it won’t break out in spots and wear awkward clothing and start smoking.
It’s a well known fact that I cannot, and will not, wear some shitty fragrance. I also tend to go against the popular scents, and I dabble in the unisex scents market. It let’s people know that, hell yeah, I’m a God damn rock star, I’ll wear leather and denim, but I’ll also fit right in at the One & Only when the occasion calls for it.
So knowing that my car needs to smell as good as I do, I’ve recently ‘invested’ in the most amazing car fragrance of YOUR life. I say ‘your’ because you and me are the same person essentially. It was R60 at the Pick ‘n Pay in Plumstead, because I found my soul passing through there in search of the Scumstead dream of cocaine and hookers. Vegas baby! I’m joking I don’t have a drug problem, but you do, and you and me are essentially the same person. But we’ve spoken about this before, Doherty.
Teenage…
…desire
So this casting couch of models gets into my car the other day and they’re all up on me, touching me, fondling me, don’t get teabagged. So I’m like ‘Whatsup whatsup?’ And they’re all like ‘You smell like a Greek God of athleticism’
‘Why thank you my darling but that’s actually my car’
Crisis, the next thing you know they’re dipsticking each other, tonguing my fuel tank, hitting my exhaust like a bong! It was crazy styles all up in the grille!
And the only reason this happened was because I decided that ‘I will not have my car smell like plastic and petrol today! I will rebel! I will have it smell like rock and roll excess! I’ll have it smell like a man!’
I just find that those other car fresheners either don’t work after a week, or they are so strong that you actually start to smell like a chick. And in the world of Motley Crue tours, no one wants to smell like a chick.
And this fragrance is awesome because you spray it on the card when you need it, so if you need a little break from the power of sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll (The base notes of this fragrance), then you simply don’t spray it on.
Look I’m going to tell you that it’s R60 that will probably change your life.
It’s changed mine, what are you waiting for?
Read More Add a CommentIts Dan Nash’s birthday today and he’s pretty easy to please…high five this man and buy him a drink if you see him tonight!
He’s a very athletic 18 years old and I’m not actually sure if he has a girlfriend (Man Of Mystery), but you’re a girl, and you’re single, so let’s assume Dan is too. For gees!
Happy birthday Nash, here’s to another year of blogging, and of course, awesome!
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