It appears VW have tried (But failed) to better the VR3. Ha ha they’ll never beat our old beater!

But this is quite a cool idea, at quite a price as well considering the target. When you mix Billabong with CitiGolf you’re looking at a buyer who needs to take into consideration not only the price of the car, but also the price of his weed every month as well as accessories such as bong replacements, rolling paper, beanies etc. Remember, weed will always win, so you’re essentially competing against Floyd Mayweather Jr.

The Volkswagen Citi Billabong comes in at R96100, which is a little steep for a stoner during a recession. The thing with the Citi Golf is, they never have to change the machinery to make the car because it’s always the same shape. All they need to charge is for the materials, labour, profits etc. Other companies have to pay designers each year to make new designs, change the equipment or something to make a new shape, but CitiGolf keep all the same stuff and still charge R96000 for a Billabong Citi Golf.

I think the mere fact that “bong” makes an appearance in the new Citi, it’s clear we’re targeting a market who do nothing but smoke pot all day, watch Clerks, Super Troopers and “I’m on a boat”, and then Volkswagen still have the balls of steel to charge R96000.

What?!

The Citi Billabong comes with the following:

Billabong decals, sidestripes and tailgate

Available in White and Tossa Blue (Tossa Blue? Are you serious! Are you guys smoking crack and pot? “Bong” and “Tossa”?)

Sports seats in two tone black and blue trim

Tinted windows

15-inch alloy rims

Lowered suspension

CD/MP3 front loader

Limited to 500 units

Comes with a Billabong laptop backpack, Vonzipper sunglasses worth R1000, large Billabong beach towel and a Billabong keyring.

So yeah it is kind of cool, but hey…it’s still a Citi!

You’re still going to be telling chicks you’re driving a Citi Golf, but if you do it with a flair of nonchalance you’ll still be able to live the dream. Been rocking the VR3 for years!

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Clearly the recession has not hit the Radisson Hotel in The Waterfront, because they have managed to secure what only the mega wealthy can secure…their own private piece of paradise on which to erect their hotel (Presumably)

Johnny Depp has an island, so does Richard Branson. Now the Radisson have one too. And this is true, I didn’t Photoshop it, click HERE for the original.

I think it’s brilliant and it should make them more exclusive, being seperated from the actual land piece of Cape Town. This puts them in a complete different league to the One & Only hotel, which is already managing some lay offs so we hear. Damn recession!

It’s so good when you’re wealthy, everything is just SO easy! Mmmmm an island would increase sales…mmm…BOOM…buy it!

What there is no island just off Cape Town? Well make one, darned fools!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Well I wasn’t aware of this! I spend a load of time just reading stuff…anything. You put a Glamour magazine in front of me…I’ll read it! Cosmo…BANG…IN ME!

I’m currently reading Kingdom of Fear by Hunter S Thompson, The World According to Clarkson by Jeremy Clarkson, Twilight (I know…) and that Rupert Everett fellows book. So I am fairly well read…you know…I dabble.

Anyway I was taking a stroll through the Wikipedia park, feeding the squirrels mescaline, mushrooms and an assortment of poppers when I saw Woody Harrelson sitting on a bench.

“Yo Woody what’s up with you?”

“I played a killer in this movie, and life imitates art, or the other way around, whatever I just smoked the craziest banana ziggies and I’m tripping tiiiiiiits!”

Ok dude.

But really, Woody Harrelson played the husband in this husband wife pair in a seriously weird movie by Oliver Stone called Natural Born Killers. It was with Juliette Lewis (Who once dated Brad Pitt) who is a bit weird so it explains things a bit.

Anyway, Woody says that Wikipedia says:

“In 1979, in San Antonio, Federal Judge John H. Wood Jr was shot and killed by rifle fire by Woody’s father Charles Harrelson, who was a freelance contract killer. He was convicted and eventually died during his life sentence in a maximum security prison”

Hectic! I never knew that. Now Woody is a pot smoking vegan (He, like the world, thinks weed should be legalized) which is kind of the opposite I suppose of his old man.

It’s a cool way of life, living off the vegetables of the land and smoking pot like Johnny Hopkins! He must be pretty chilled.

There is also the story about him living in a farming village in Hawaai where there are no shops, and doing a 40 day fast where he doesn’t eat for 40 daus but just probably smokes a boat load of weed. Awesome! I found that on Deceiver.com.

Crazy times kids!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I actually love The Superficial! It’s one of the finest celebrity websites out there and this was entitled “Michael Jackson’s cause of death found”

Nicole Richie, Paris and Nicky Hilton

LOVE IT! What a great start to the day.

Via

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

As the world goes into Michael Jackson frenzy, it is onteresting to note what sort of an impace one Michael Jackson has had on virtually the entire planet. Google was swamped, iTunes has seen sales of Michael Jackson songs skyrocket and Amazon has seen the same trend. Let’s have a look at the top stories concerning the death of one of the last great superstars of the world:

The entire internet was slowed down immediately following Michael Jackson’s death due the the massive amounts of people logging on to verify the information. When the news first broke, Google thought it was under attack. Many users searching on Google were presented with an error message saying “your query looks similar to automated requests from a computer virus or spyware application”

Google spokesperson Gabriel Stricker had this to say: “It’s true that between approximately 2:40 PM Pacific and 3:15 PM Pacific, some Google news usersexperienced difficulty accessing search results for queries related to Michael Jackson and saw the error page”

Micro blogging serice Twitter also crashed amongst the heavy traffic load following the singers death.

TMZ, the popular celebrity gossip website was the first to break the news of Jackson’s death, and their site also crashed.  As users struggled for information, they went to Perez Hilton, and his website too crashed from the volume of traffic.(Source)

Michale Jackson song and record sales have also gone through the roof on iTunes and Amazon.com Jackson albums were the 15 best selling CD’s on Amazon on Friday with ‘Thriller: 25th year anniversary’  leading the way.

Thirteen of the Top 20 selling albums on iTunes on Friday came from Michael Jackson (source)

Meanwhile police are searching for Michael Jacksons doctor after seizing a car that may contain drugs or other evidence. (Source)

The DailyMail are also reporting on the deadly cocktail of drugs that Jackson was taking on a daily basis (HERE)

You all remember the Filipino dancing prison inmates who re-enacted Thriller? Well they’ve done a tribute! Perez Hilton has got it (HERE)

For the most up to date news on Michael Jackson, the people who broke the news, TMZ are also a good source. Click HERE.

And that’s it for now, if you sign onto Google alerts for Michael Jackson, you’ll be receiving hundreds of e-mails!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I’ve just been waiting for all the stories of these various objects washing up on Camps Bay beach to die down.

I decided to let all the amateur bloggers do their homeschooling, while here at SLXS, we’ve just graduated!

Come on guys, what happened to “reading between the lines” and some old school investigative journalism? It seems everyone is in too much of a rush to get the stories out, and they don’t delve deep within the problem. But that’s what I do. When others start getting too deep into the meaning of life, I push further. I go there.

And so with these containers containing hazardous chemicals washing up onto Camps Bay beach, I considered two things:

• Aliens
• Hazardous agents
• Celebrities

Three things rather. When a container washes up on the beach suddenly, it obviously flew in and it is therefore a UFO, and Robbie Williams likes to hunt UFO’s. First piece of the puzzle.

That’s how you handle your balls Ronaldo!

These containers were then handled by guys in hazard suits, as our newspapers reported. Apparently the chemical within can cause burns, blisters, permanent scarring and death in extreme cases. Which is exactly why Cristiano Ronaldo is no longer with her. What else would warrant a hazard suit, other than the multitude of diseases that Paris Hilton carries? Second piece of the puzzle. Clearly the containers are carrying Paris Hilton, and Robbie Williams first spotted them landing down on Camps Bay beach.

The fact is, this was all a massive ploy and combined with some celebrity deaths this week, ensured that Robbie Williams and Paris Hilton arrived in Cape Town without any of the media knowing it.

Because as we speak Paris Hilton is naked in my bath and Robbie Williams is in my recording room, we’re recording a demo together. I’m sitting here typing this and we’re waiting for our chauffeuer to fetch us.

See you at the V&A Waterfront later.

I’ll end this off with some lyrics of our song:

Boom…boom…It’s Friday night and Paris is everything but…tight

Robbie throws me the crack pipe and offers up a light

I don’t know, I’ve given up on drugs but…hang on I just might.

Let’s go out and smoke drugs tonight!

Morning comes round

And my head starts to pound

Paris is squealing like your regular ol’ hound

I don’t know what it was last night that we downed

But my word if Green Day were here they’d be singing “When I come around”

Beats are low and there is a pleat in my pants

Paris is trying to tug at it, I think something is in my pants, might be ants

Robbie’s in the back room, speaking to his drug dealer “No more cheap crack” he rants

We’re going down the the strip later

We’ll probably get so high we’ll catch an alligator

 IN MY PANTS

Pants…

Pants…

So that’s where myself and Robbie are at the moment on this song, I think it’s going to be a monster hit. I’ll keep you posted.

(Photo 1 courtesy)

(Photo 2 courtesy)

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

It’s interesting to note the news today, with all the regular news channels sending out fond memories and dedicating todays pages to The King Of Pop: Michael Jackson. We’ve all had a fascination with him, and I particularly still have a thing for “Billie Jean” It played one night back in the day at Green Man and it’s still one of my favourite songs of all time, coupled with “Dirty Diana” which I remember from my schools ‘Cupid Evening’ back in 2003.

Thriller: That’s going to be impossible to beat

There was the moonwalk, the man who never wanted to grow up and created Neverland, the allegations with the children, but looking at Michael Jackson purely from a musical perspective, he was a God. No one could entertain like Michael in his day, and Thriller is still the biggest selling album in the world, ever. It will probably stay like that forever, as we don’t really sell albums anymore, everything is downloaded and shared. Michael captured generations and there is not much more you can say, other than the fact that the media loce these sorts of things.

They build stars up, and then tear them down when things go wrong. In Michael Jackson’s court cases, the media hounded him, after which he became a virtual recluse. Now they’re saying good things, forgetting what they did four years ago.

But such is the media, in a way we’re all part of it, wanting sensational news.

He was legendary, and all we can do to remember him is by the great memories, the YouTube videos and all his music, which we will continue to cherish.

For the greatest video of all time, and my absolute personal favourite with some rare footage, click HERE.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

And now it starts…

You’re thinking “I shouldn’t laugh” but then, come on man, it’s Horatio!”

Thanks Mitch
Sean Lloyd

Editor

I’ve been a big fan of Richard Branson and the way he conducts business for a long time. The ultimate good time guy, Branson is one of the people in the world today who realises that work can also be play. That work doesn’t have to mean depression. I’ve read his biography and his short book “Screw It Let’s Do It” and it is in fact that book that I keep by me at all time, paging through it when I need a little inspiration.

So as you know, Virgin have a different way of doing business and it’s a formula that works for them. I first caught glimpse of this free Virgin festival (You don’t get free virgins, entrance is free, the brand is Virgin) ona message on Richard Bransons Twitter page (HERE) announcing that they will be throwing a free festival at Merriweather Post Pavilion in Columbia. That’s nowhere near Cape Town! But I still think it’s an awesome piece of marketing by Virgin, holding a free concert in the midst of one of the worst economic recessions in recent times.

Bransons Twitter message

Acts include Blink 182 and Franz Ferdinand, and while I’m not too sure who the other are, it’s still free! Jimi Hendrix has played at the Merriweather Post Pavilion, Green Day and Led Zeppelin, so it’s got quite a bit of histroy right there. The amphitheatre itself is located in 40 acres of forest, between Washington D.C and Baltimore.

If you are interested in this just from a marketing perspective, and how to really conduct business during a recession, then simply click HERE.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I’m cruising down the walkway in Canal Walk the other day very The Verve urban London style (Skinny, converse, hoody, light wool jersey) and I honestly see some chick going MENTAL at her boyfriend. The whole stage show, crying, walking away, him following her, her pushing him, her stopping, her grabbing herself with her arms, head down, he leans in for the hug, she realises she’s been cooked in the skull and she let’s him hug her, but keeps her arms to herself.

No doubt our boy was buying roses and chocolates later…what a waste of money just for a shopping trip!

Then I realised bad moods have become more widespread and it can only be put down to SAD, which I myself tend to suffer from (No jokes…even heroes falter)

SAD stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder and comes about in otherwise mentally healthy people during the dark months, year after year. People experience serious mood changes, sleep to much, have little energy and crave sweet and starchy foods.

Fortunately for me I can sleep as much as I want and don’t need tremendous amounts of energy for chilling and palying TV games. Success!

But seriously, SAD is a real affliction and you probably know a load of people with it.  You don’t need to be shy to admit it! Go on…you’re in a safe place.

There is a whole piece HERE on Wi…wik…Wikipedia!

It’s real and it can affect anyone, don’t despair. The sun will come out and we’ll all touch each other highly inapproppriately!

Just know that I love you, and that is all you need.

Just DON’T eat anything to combat the blues! Summer will come along and my people won’t allow me to talk to you.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

This is honestly one of the better things you will come across in your life, I’m absolutely shattered and exhausted after reading it! It’s an offer in Gumtree.

Enjoy the text:

“Hi all, am looking for a white/coloured girl to share a 4 bedroom home with me in Newlands. My parents are out of the country for the next 8 months so i have the place to myself along with the help who all live in the staff quarters.

Maid/cook, Gardener and a 24 hour security guard are part of the package. like i said no rent is required all i want is a few “favours” to keep me warm.

Am a clean cut 23 yr old, student studying at UCT and just looking for some fun.. who knows, something could grow out of this.

no fatties and you can reply to…

Attached is a pic of your en suite bedroom (when you not in mine)”

OH. MY. SHATTERED. CRACK. PIPE!

How funny is that? Right now I am on the floor! Good Lord!

Who is this guy? Does anyone know a 23 yr old student form UCT whose parents have recently left the country? We NEED to find this man! Someone must know this guy…he’s around our age. Come on people let’s uncover this!

I love it that he just goes straight out and says “no fatties” Ha ha lag!

A security guard is part of the package? If it’s a personal security guard then we’re looking at someone with a fair amount of money so that’s one of the pieces of the puzzle. We know it’s Newlands. His folks have left him with the house for 8 months so they’re pretty well off.

Simply click HERE to see the Gumtree listing of this advert.

Surely one of the funniest things to come out of the suburbs this year? Absolute hilarity!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

If you’re old enough to remember Green Man (When it was in it’s old spot near Boardmans), Conti’s, Blink and Billy’s, not to mention Taboo!, then you are in for a treat this weekend.

Crisis, remember Conti’s? Memories of fishbowls, and THAT steep staircase that I always used to fall down! And at Blink, do you remember the beach parties? I still clearly remember taking a piss at the downstairs toilets (There were two next to each other) and my mate Jerry was in the toilet next to me, and he thought it would be awesome to throw a beer bottle into my cubicle, breaking it all around me. Awesome!

I used to get bounced from Blink, and immediately turn around, go to the back of the queue and wait again. Sometimes I’d do that for about two hours until eventually out of frustration they just let me in. And then there were the cop raids… my word!

Then there were pre-drinks for Taboo at the graveyard opposite where Virgin Active used to be (Whoopsie!)  and then the actual Taboo. Cheap as philth drinks, vomiting, birds…it had it all!

The Wadda party was originally conceived as a 10 year re-union for matrics of 1999 but it has now been extended to all of the old guard of Claremont and to all thge matriculants since from the ‘burbs as a sort of gathering and to recall war stories.

Ten years down the line is a lot of boozing and the guys will be no doubt all be sporting retirement annuities and taking baby aspirin to prevent heart attacks, but the old school soul will still be there as well as stories of lives lived to the excess. Some of the okes will still be trying to hook up with the 16 year old school dolls, but hey…some things never change!

The back to school party takes place this Saturday, 27 June 2009. It starts at 8pm and entrance is R30.

Wic…wick…wicked!

(Jungle is massive)

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Enjoy these two rugby fans who were hospitalised after going on an apparent 225 pound cocaine binge. Are you serious? Do you know how much coke that is? It’s quite a fair amount to put into your nose.   The two are in a critical condition in a Durban hospital today.

A friend of the two unnamed fans is thought to have found them on the floor of their hotel room in the four star Protea Hotel Edward.

I personally wouldn’t charge them with drug posession if it was cocaine. The guys are simply recreating scenes from the movie “The Hangover”!

They’ve done well passing out and spending a good wad of cash on drugs, but they missed out on stealing Mike Tysons tiger, and getting an Asian guy locked in their boot.

I must say I give them 10 points though for effort! We’re likely to see much more of this behavious as the movie gets seen around the world and people try to recreate the dream.

Well these guys can say they were first! And for that we applaud them.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Ladies! Calm down! Excuse me miss, keep your panties on!

The reason I bring you this information courtesy of People magazine is just to tell you that I decided to sit the awards out this year. I realised that with Pitt and Depp not really being in the running, I was not up against strong competition and decided to let the young guns battle it out.

And so the worlds current obsession through the Twilight film franchise continues to be one Robert Pattinson. Honestly, chicks are going mental over this guy. He’s getting mobbed wherever he goes and one can only compare this to the likes of Pitt after Fight Club and DiCaprio after Titanic.

Robert Pattinson has in fact become the most famous man alive of late, and scenes of him running for cover while chicks lunge at him can only be described as Leo post Titanic. If I were him, ‘d be running…into mobs of chicks. I’d completely lose the plot!

The hysteria surrounding him no doubt comes from his dark and mysterious character, Edward Cullen, in the film Twilight.

Chicks dig those sorts of guys, think Kate Moss and Pete Doherty…um…um…ja off the top of my head I can’t think of it but you get the point.

Twilight has been joked about because teenagers are going mental over it, but I watched it and actually quite enjoyed it. We’ll get into it later on in the week, I’m currently in the process of reading the book. On top of reading three other books. Yes ladies, I do read a lot. I’m well read. Which is exactly what you are looking for in a man!

Admit it…you are…

So here is a photo of Robert Pattinson with my girlfriend. There are other photos of them kissing. But then again and who am I to argue?

You can’t very well say to your girlfriend “Excuse me, stop kissing the sexiest man alive”

You just let her go for it.

Because Kristen knows that should I one day have any chance of tapping The Fox, I can, and will do it.

P.S To those e-mailing, the answer is no, Danny K didn’t make the top 10 of the sexiest man alive competition. So thanks to Gertrude from Bellville for enquiring.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I was browsing Perez Hilton, or PopSugar, or The Superficial yesterday (I’m a celebrity whore…goodness gracious me!) and I read that yesterday was the official start of summer in celebville which must be L.A.

This means good things! Loads of celebrities in bikinis, ridiculous pool parties, Gary Busey going off his tits, Alec Baldwin going mental, Paris Hilton putting things in her mouth and all the regular rubbish.

What this also means is scenes of sheer insanity in my mind. For instance, Anna Faris who was my love a while back *in my mind* and still is very hot, was hanging around a very odd man.

Who turns out to be her husband.

Enjoy:

Further proof that evil reigns in the free world

I have for some time considered moving to L.A, not to act, but just to be a child caretaker. Look after the stars kids, then bang the stars. Look at the dude who Britney Spears is currently dating, apparently, he was her manager or something.

Granted banging Britney is like going to Hout Bay harbour for some pap snoek, but as Ghandhi said “No man ever accomplished anything without great sacrifice at finding the American dream and doing naughty things for money”

You’re right, he didn’t say that. I’m a liar. Sue me.

So that is the current bang of Anna Faris. Further proof that the world is a cruel and savage place and why I want to move out to a ranch to farm my own vegetables and make wood fires, move hay bales and smoke my pipe while looking over the ranch.

Sean Lloyd

Editor