Oh no…not The Rog!

I was at 91 last night, good crowd, good looks, good times! Bumped into a few angels (Ooooooooh) and I will be back tonight for the Roger Goode party. Othern than that not much news until after lunch time today, when most of you will leave the office anyway.

I’m taking a cruise Spier way just now so it’s all work and no play, obviously. As we do.

Chat later rookie! Don’t miss me too much. I’m missing you already.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Holy moly!

Well I was not aware that perpetual lady slayer, Mick “Big…(insert here)” Hucknall was now a golf player! I’m on the couch right now, laptop perched on my massive member and I’m watching some sort of golf tournament while my publicist arranges for the DVD player to open up so that Step Brothers can be inserted. I naturally don’t move for less than $10000, so my slaves do most of the moving for me, inserting of DVD’s, putting a new bib on me etc.

But check out this golfer dude, who someone said was someone whose name ends in a lisp. Either that, or the commentator is booze-tobogganed off his horse. I’m pretty sure he is Simply Red.

I’ve just taken this in the last 30 minutes

A salmon Lacoste shirt while golfing…must be Mick!

A photo from Mick’s website…hectic electric!

Chicks dig Mick!

In a related story, in 2007 Mick accused Simon Cowell of ruining music. Then last year, Simon was at a dinner for a Jewish childrens charity called Norwood, when he decided it would be a good time to hit back at Mick*.

Simon was doing a Q&A on stage with Piers Morgan and he told guest the only reason why Mick could get women was because he is in showbiz. He said “The most repulsive celebrity I’ve ever met is Mick Hucknall”

“Unlike me he doesn’t realise why all the chicks love him”

“And he’s really ugly”

BOOM! Simon Cowell just owned you!

*source

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

“Sean, WHERE have you been?” I hear you ask.

Baby cakes, I’ve been keeping up relations from the Republic of Wood (Weed) Bay, all along the Atlantic Seaboard. I thought I’d pop into Hout Bay earlier, visit the Spar, crack a cigar and chill at the school bus just like old days!

Me and Julio…down by the school yard!

It’s really quite a pearler of a day for chilling, because it’s a little chilly on that side. Then I nipped down to Llandudno to scope out the beach but it’s a little chilly and quiet.

If I were a chick…I do me!

Then I lit another cigar, headed back home and I’m now maxing the SICK!

I love you. With all my heart.

Touch me, touch you, we’re all touchy touchy woo!

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Do excuse me if this story cuts back and forth, but there are pieces of it all over my mind so I’m trying to juggle them all and them catch them. This piece originally started out as a piece on Mischa Barton and why we should try hook up with her, because she had hit rock bottom. Then it lost its substance because she sort of recovered but we’ll get into that just now.

For some or other reason, I’ve always been attracted to psycho chicks. While I can see the appeal in normal girls, I just can’t get over the fact that their lives are too perfect. They’ll finish studying, get a job, work hard, have children and then one day retire. There’s never any excitement there like you get from the psychos. What excitement, you may ask?

I’m talking like weird stuff that normal girls will never offer. If the most exciting thing your girlfriend has to offer is that she bought a new pair of boots, or got a job promotion, then she is no girl for me. I like my mind to be pushed to the limits. For instance, when you’re after two girls, and the nice one says “Go with your heart”, your heart will no doubt go towards her — the nicer, sweeter girl. But when the psycho says “You either hook up with me or I’ll kill you”, your body gets this major adrenaline rush and psycho is suddenly a thousand times more attractive.

In a world so devoid of action, it’s only normal that guys want some excitement in their lives, and girls can provide that. I mean we are quite censored these days, we can’t do anything without being called racist, we can’t smoke in bars, we can’t drive fast, we can’t do U-turns, we can’t call someone fat, we can’t call someone ugly, we can’t say “No” to invitations without making excuses. Hey, have you ever realised that when you decline an invite somewhere, like to a party, people hassle you, asking you why you can’t go? You feel too rude saying “Well I don’t really want to” so you devise elaborate plans about your gran dying and your uncle getting arrested to make it sound fair that you are missing the party.

Why can’t you just say that you feel like staying in with Guitar Hero instead? Or you want to stay home and make a sandwich? If you are going to be doing these things, then they are valid excuses. But this is besides the point.

The point is, normal girls don’t make you feel alive.They make you feel like you are leading a numbed sort of existence, where you can see life passing you by, and it seems alright, but something is missing. Your adrenaline no longer smashes through your face. Psycho girls give you that excitement you need to feel alive. Waking up next to a girl who is sleeping peacefully is a great thing, but now imagine waking up, and there is some psycho standing over you with a knife…IMAGINE! Wouldn’t you feel insanely alive then? I bet!

There is nothing more thrilling than going to bed, not really knowing what lies in store. Regular girlfriend? Mmmmm wake up, have some coffee, go to work. Psycho crack chick? Wake up and thank the members Gods that psycho didn’t go through with her plan of cutting your main chap off. It’s like Fight Club man, it makes life real.

Why do you think every guy talks about Chuck Bass in Gossip Girl, and why most guys identify with him? Because most guys live for the chase. And the number one reason why guys like us live for the chase, is because it makes us feel untouchable. People who live for the chase may tend to be vain and superficial.

It’s true, and it’s true for girls as well. During the chase, you know that there is someone in the world who loves you so much, that they have eyes for no one else.  And you know, that if you hook up with that person who is chasing you, then you’re just a regular person who can actually be touched, but you want to be untouchable.Giving in to the chase is like admitting defeat, like admitting you are a regular person, and for the superficial crowd amongst us, we want people to chase us all our lives but we never want them to be able to catch us, because that will bring them to our level, and we want to be a level above them.

Look at Brad Pitt, he was with the sweet girl, Jen. Then the chase was on with the dark and mysterious Angelina, and he got what he wanted. But now news reports are mentioning that their relatonship is struggling a bit, in my opinion because Angelina is turning into the perfect family mother. Everything is going too smooth. Maybe he took a little more from Fight Club than just a pay check and millions of female admirers.

Just a thought. But I believe it to be true, that the people who are the most difficult to hook up with are also the most vain and superficial. Probably not in all cases, but in many cases. Look around Cape Town and see if it’s true.

The point of this was to say that I thought it would have been a good idea to hook up with Mischa Barton when she was at her lowest point, then build her up back to a movie star and…boom you’re famous!

Mischa at a low point — booze and cocaine — hook up with her

Get her through the booze and cocaine and you’re left with this!

It’s what guys like Kevin Federline have been doing for ages. Movie stars get so caught up in their world, they want someone normal to stabilise themselves, which is why people like Kelly Slater, Matt McConaughey, Matt Damon and Lance Armstrong have all gone from high profile relationships to regular ones with regular people.

We’re getting to the point of this, and that is just a bit of advice to surviving the recession. During times of financial difficulty and other difficulties for that matter, people are more likely to find love in strange places. Which is why the recession is in actual fact the perfect time for gold diggers. When our wealth is abundant, we can easily replace love with cars, parties and the good life. But when our financials fail us, we go in search of true love and the true meaning of life.

So if you are broke, the recession is actually the best place to be in the centre of. You don’t want to be broke when the economy is booming, because then rich people won’t love you. But rich people will love you in the recession if you’re a shoulder to cry on, and they will take you in. You simply offer them love back, and offer them the human touch as opposed to the bank managers touch. Then, when the recession is over, they might find themselves once again returning to their superficial ways and they might get over you.

But if you’ve dated a celebrity, you’ve no doubt had some good press exposure and you will probably be offered some sort of high paying, random job if you were charismatic enough in your press appearances with your partner.

On the big bonus side of the scale, you may have married, and in the divorce you will be entitled to cars, money or housing. If the celeb you were dating threatens to give you nothing, you simply tell them that you will write a tell all book. Then suddenly they will quickly give you cash to keep quiet!

And so we come to the end of a very pieced together article on love, why guys love psycho chicks, why vain and superficial people (Most of us at SLXS) love the chase, and also how to make money during a recession.

Don’t tell me I don’t have your best interests at heart!

*Applause*

*It’s 12:14 am Friday*

– Sean fades out –

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I hate Wednesdays because there is nothing exciting to write about, although I did write a pearler of a piece earlier on Big Issue vendors, but I’ve been driving around trying to get a photo of one the whole morning but I didn’t see anyone of particular interest. I did however somehow end up in town…because I literally have no other interests in life to keep me busy.

Anyway, got home, kicked onto the couch, grabbed the laptop, read Perez, TheSuperficial and PopSugar then started stalking chicks on Facebook (Whaaaaaaaaaat?) Then I see this ad coming up and it teaches yoo thu importins ov speling. Gimp.

Check this ad:

I mean, really? Come on!

Who made you?

How I’d love to kick your parents, in the head, hard, for making you.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

URGENT! URGENT!

I’m not wearing pants today! And neither will you be, young lady, if you don’t stop giving me those looks…

Rory sent me a little note today that had my right foot wrangling in pain…my juice foot. That’s juice with a “J” and not a “P”, I can see how this can easily be mistaken.

Anyway, apparently word on the street is that we’re about to get absolutely punished by some sneaky sneaky traffic cops, and as is known myself and the crew have a love for a heavy right foot, we’re going to get in trouble. Because really, who can actually drive at 60km/hr? That’s so slow you can roll  a blunt while driving. I’m just saying.

Well these new speeding camera cars look like normal cars with roof mounted carriers, but they actually contain cameras. Oooooooooh fok!

FML

The BORING police

The ghost squad are a specialist unit operating in unmarked vehicles and…I think I just piss myself. Seriously, this sucks. I like to break the law. I like to chat on my phone and light a cigar at the same time as indicating and turning while checking out that hot chick that is always running.

So offending motorists will be flagged down by these unmarked cars (And new bikes — Ja Meneer Spiet Kop!) and the officers will have the power to arrest.

The unit will focus on the offences that I commit daily including talking on your cell phone (Places to go and people to see — bee-atch), cutting in (I’m always late), driving under the influence of alcohol (Only crack cocaine of late) and illegal U-Turns. I honestly never knew that any U-Turn was illegal. This is like going back to school, I’m learning so much!

The Ghost Squad will be based at Gallows Hill in Green Point and the name “gallows” is fitting because that place is like death, even more so now.

So you know they say you should only focus on the positive things in life, use “the Secret”, the law of attraction? Well if that’s true then let’s stop talking about this!

Let’s rather go to the beach instead and pretend none of this is true. Because. It’s. Not.

It can’t be. I don’t want it to be. If anyone starts talking to you about the Cape Town ghost squad just stick your fingers in your ears and go “a la la la la I can’t hear you”

Like a big chick trying to score you in Tin Roof in standard 7, ignore it and it will go away.

Life is so boring at the moment, they wouldn’t even let me light up my crack pipe at Exclusive Books the other day. WTF?

UPDATE: The Golf’s are the Ghost Squad, not the Toyota’s…The Toyota’s just cruise around more checking for parking fines and that stuff. More info to come, surely. Thanks to those who replied.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

It seems that Alberto Contador may have won the Tour De France, but as in any sporting event, the public are always going to root for the person they admire, and are not just going to root for the person that is the best on the day. We’ve seen it time and time again in sports events. Cheering the under dog, cheering the one with the most personality. Alberto Contador has virtually no connection with the public. Armstrong is on Twitter all the time, in press conferences conferences, he’s all over the place and he’s letting us in on his life including the multitude of drug tests he has to go through. And this adds another dimension to the cancer surviving, Tour De France winning hero. This is why we like him. Outside of cycling, most people don’t care about Contador. And this is where Lance differs, in that we are eager to follow his movements all year round, even when he’s not racing. He offers so much more than being a bike rider, he’s got a human aspect to him.

Contador rides the Tour De France, wins it and suddenly wants to be king of the world? That’s not how it works. He then goes out saying that he has no admiration for Armstrong. Then Lance get’s back on Twitter, immediately connecting with his fans:

The funny thing is, Alberto won and yet people are more interested in the steely Schleck brothers who fought hard, smiled through the race, worked for each other and brought a certain level of excitement to the tour. Contador is too clinical, too boring, too removed from the public. He’s like a cycling machine, we can’t relate to him, we don’t even know what he enjoys. Cycling admiration is about the rider and his performance, but also about the rider as a person. We know Tom Boonen likes some cocaine and young girls, we know Mario Cippollini was the playboy cyclist. In other sports we had the furious John McEnroe,  we have John Daly who loves to drink and smoke.

But in Contador we essentially have nothing. And in a world where connections are everything, we are about as disconnected from Alberto Contador as we can possibly be. Good cyclist? Yes, of course.

But for many people, the Tour De France is all about personalities, because a lot of the viewers don’t follow cycling all year round, but rather watch the Tour De France because it is a spectacle. It was boring without Lance and the excitement is now back and the public are loving it.

But Contador seems to be going about it all the wrong way, losing respect as he goes.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Oh…no…I…didn’t?

“But yes yes you did!” I hear you squeal.

I know, and it’s only Tuesday!

I was stalking Gwen Gill to try get the whole photo thing done when I came across her G-Spot.

No come on man, this is getting a little bit silly!

SILLY BILLY!

No you’re a Silly Sally!

But I’m being serious, it’s YOU who has the naughty mind.

Gwen Gills blog is actually called the “G-Spot”, further proof that she is in fact an old fox with a very wayward mind.

I thought I’d let you know all of this, ease you in to the Tuesday.

I don’t even want to know what the rest of the day holds. At this rate I’ll be at the Radisson with a troup of circus midgets doing coke off the playstation.

Wait…that was yesterday.

(Oh one more! I wonder how many hits Gwen Gills G-Spot gets a day? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha!!! No man, it’s got to do with unique visitors, that’s what counts. Paris Hilton wins by KO)

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

With 2010 closing in on us, everyone is on the hunt for accommodation for the soccer World Cup. Hotels are booked out and visitors are going on to the private accommodation sector for great prices, fantastic service and an all round top class stay whilst in South Africa. To make it easy to locate accommodation, SA Sport Travel (An SLXS Cape Town Trusted Partner) have put together a listing of accommodation throughout South Africa.

All the listings come complete with their very own interactive map to show the location of the property in relation to the stadium, so you know exactly how far it is to travel to those all important 2010 World Cup games

This includes Cape Town, and so without too much further talking, I’ll simply direct you to the SA Sport Travel listing of accommodation suppliers for the 2010 World Cup.

To find accommodation during the 2010 World Cup, simply click here for listings.

SA Sport Travel are also offering accommodation options, domestic flights and road transfers for larger groups during the 2010 World Cup.

Screen shot of SA Sport Travel’s 2010 Accommodation Options

You can see some of the options over HERE, and be sure to contact the SA Sport Travel team for a custom itinerary suited to your specific needs.

Gwen Gill — But will I ever meet her?

Good GRIEF!

It was hilarious when I heard the news of Gwen Gill retiring, because I immediately sent out an sms to my right hand man:

“Gwen Gill has retired. Dammit, now I can never feature in her column”

He replies:

“Who’s Gwen Gill?”

“She wrote that social column in the Sunday Times”

Stunning reply:

“Oh yeah! Yussus, that old fox could chill hey. She chilled more than me when I was high in London for three years”

Gwen Gill has officially been referred to as an “old fox”

Wicked!

Gwen Gill’s last column appeared in the Sunday Times yesterday, and I doubt Jeannie D or Michael Mol will be digging her vibe. She had her list of party people, and then the people not on her list?

Jeannie D and Michael Mol!

I wonder what happened? Ending your career off with such a statement has to mean something, surely?

I’m waiting for WWE Raw, Gwen “The Hitwomen” Gill vs Jeannie “How do you pronounce my name?” D, vs Michael “Smily” Mol. It will be an epic battle.

On a related note, when is Gwen coming to Cape Town? I’m still looking to meet her and have my photo taken for my desk portraits. I cannot fathom living without meeting Gwen, and having my photo taken with her.

When you say “Complete my life”, I say “Get me to meet Gwen Gill and have our photo taken”

To read Gwen Gills last column, click HERE.

Except if you’re Jeannie D or Michael Mol.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

As the 2009 Tour De France has now come to an end, many people start questioning the sanity of the riders. Tales of balls falling off, bad tans and being in pain for most of the day tend to crop up. While some riders live the lifestyle to the extreme, living and breathing cycling, Tom Boonen simply pomps and snorts his way right through this whole “cycling” thing!

Take for instance, his ex girlfriend Sophie Van Vliet. He was 27 when he was dating her and she was but a little lamb at 16 years old. Yeah… a lamb to the slaughter! Oh, this is Tom and Sophie in happier times.  Moving onto higher times.

Boonen and the ex –Maxing the chillaxing!

Typing in “Tom Boonen cocaine” reveals a headline in the Google saying “Tom Boonen tests positive for cocaine again”

Again, ha ha ha! There was an incident with him crashing this year on a road marking, with someone on Twitter remarking something along the lines if “He’s had trouble before with white lines” Quality!

It was also funny listening to Phil Liggett commentating on this years Tour De France chatting about Tom Boonen and his cocaine use, saying that it was in the off season (For last year when he missed the Tour due to testing positive for cocaine) and it is a “recreational drug” and he can’t really be penalised for it. Hilarious! I love it how the guys use cocaine, and I don’t really think it’s an offence that the guys should be banned for. It’s not performance enhancing and in the off season I don’t exactly think the guys should have a problem with it. So what, he wanted to have a jol? Worse things have happened.

Sure it taints the image of the sport a little, but I also think that the guys in the doping test system should practice some sort of ethics, only posting these test results if they directly impact his cycling.

Imagine being one of the worlds top cyclists and just hammering a 16 year old while on cocaine…your mental state must be hilarious, thinking back on what you actually do for a living, because you just live the dream.

No but seriously, imagine how chilled Tom must be when he wakes up.

It’s a pity he’s not Italian. Whenever I think of Italian cyclists, I think of a guy arriving at a coffee shop. All the cycling kit, very tanned, slicked back hair. He takes a seat. Waitress comes over. He leans back, shows some moose knuckle. Bit of bush spilled over the top of his shorts. He says to the waitress in the dirtiest porn Italian accent in the world:

“Come on, get me a f&*%ing espresso. Come on yeh? Come on do it.”

He whips out a Gauloises and lights it, smoking up a storm, drinking espresso and smut talking. (While he is on his bike, his 12 year old girlfriend is driving the Citroen around town)

“Hey you (Pointing at blonde hottie now sitting at Giovanni’s), come over her. Come over her and taste me”

“Waitress, come on chick-cha! Double f&*%ing espresso, chick-cha, make it on the house. Come over here and look at my bush, touch the moose knuckle”

Whaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha this is what Mondays are like in my life, but EVERYDAY! Every day is a Monday, and every Monday is essentially a Saturday in my life.

Weekend baby!

(Thanks Mitch & Claire)

P.S I’ve just switched the iTunes onto Claptons “Cocaine” I thought it only fitting for the situation.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

To all Rondebosch Old Boys, the Old Boys Union is having a sort of “young old boys” event at Tiger Tiger this Thursday. I think it’s great, now that we’re older, we can still test our skills on the young ones at Tiger Tiger on Thursday!

“Yeah…so…I holiday for a living”

“Oh Sean take me to pleasure town!”

“Ok give me three minutes!”

Yeah…so…

If you’re a Rondebosch Old Boy here are the details:

Date: Thursday July 3o

Time: 6:30pm – 9:30 pm (? — I’ll be staying a little later, to see if I still have my Midas Touch with the school girls)

Complimentary drink and canapes on arrival

Free entrance

Drink specials

R1000 worth of bar tabs to be won (To help you come right)

All Bosch Old Boys need to RSVP to be on the list, and that needs to be done by today. Send your RSVP to obutigertiger (at) gmail (dot) com

Sick! I trust I’ll see all the old boys there. I haven’t changed much since school. I still ooze teenage desire and still have an overwhelming attraction to school girls. Great!

(On a side, remember when you were in school, and you couldn’t wait to leave, and then you leave, and you just want to go back? That’s exactly how Rondebosch makes you feel! We used to sit on those benches on the matric lawn every day talking the most phenomenal amount of rubbish and having such a jol in class with the teachers. It was so relaxed! Remember Mr Min in science class, freezing squash balls in liquid notrigen then throwing them against the wall and smashing them? No cares in the world, what awesome memories. Memories brought back when watching Bosch games on Saturday at the school. Manic days)

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Llandudno is that secluded suburb where you just love to go in the summer. We  just decided instead of summer, let’s go there all year. This is the sunset this evening, almost setting perfectly in tune to the close of an epic 2009 Tour De France with the absolutely phenomenal Mark Cavendish taking the win on the Champs Elysees.

And then “Lucky Man” by The Verve played over the speakers, resonating through Llandudno and eiptomising the day.

All of this combined brought me to tears!

(And this is winter in Cape Town — whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha!)

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Remember, Chris De Burgh will be in South Africa as we ‘chatted’ about before. For those of you wanting to find out the Chris De Burgh ticket prices, consider me RAD!

Chris De Burgh tickets for Cape Town: Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens: Thursday 19 November at 8pm — Only unreserved tickets available– R396

Chris De Burgh tickets for Carnival City, Big Top Arena: Saturday 14 November at 8pm — Tickets range from R191 – R473

Chris De Burgh tickets ICC Durban arena: Tuesday 17 November at 8pm: Ticket prices range from R243 to R396.

Click HERE to book tickets for all these Chris De Burgh events in South Africa.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Yes he does!

Dropping the V-Bomb!

And to be honest, I’d let him have my daughter so that she can marry into major cash. I don’t care what sort of person he is…my daughter will marry into vain, superficial and shallowness!

Sean Lloyd

Editor