Because I’ve been so busy of late behind the scenes at SLXS (The stuff you don’t get to see, but hopefully you will feel and see it in times to come…naked chicks…vast amounts of narcotics etc)

So because my mind has been like a lab, I decided some much needed R&R was needed at Casa del Crazy in Llandudno. Yesterday was terrible weather in Cape Town and all I could afford to do was tan this body of mine, bronzing my hide like a copper pot.

And this brings me to something I want you to go out and get hold of — Men’s Health Best Life.

Some people say the economic recession has hit us. Others say it’s “on the horizon” I’ll be honest, I can see the horizon from here but I still don’t see the recession. (Also enjoy “Wealthy and stress free” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!)

I don’t really care too much for advice on “The perfect six pack”, “Get bigger in less time”, “Eat more, lose weight” and “Have the best sex of your life, like the stuff the regular Men’s Health offers. Although what I do enjoy in regular Men’s Health is the “Celebrity workout” thing they throw in.

I do however quite enjoy Men’s Health Best Life because it caters towards the older crowd. I’ve always been way ahead of my time, like the time I launched “Coca Cola” and no one said it would work. Well I think today we can agree that I’m not doing too badly. There was also that time I slept with that chick who everyone said was too skinny and had all the wrong proportions. Who would have ever thought that Gisele Bundchen would go from Sean Lloyd to the runways of the world.

But I’m kind of like that, touch me and you become famous. Gisele touched me there….yo damn it was good!

Anyway, for the guys out there I suggest you buy Men’s Health Best Life, they always have awesome articles on holiday getaways, gadgets for the house, interesting interviews (Laird Hamilton was recently featured).

Men’s Health Best Life is the only magazine I buy in addition to GQ.

Seriously, go out and get it, let me know what you think. It’s nothing like the regular Men’s Health and has some very interesting articles every month.

So that was the day yesterday…chilling at the pool at Llandudno, reading Best Life, tanning, phoning chicks and getting them ready for the Hout Bay villa.

Oh yeah, we’re in Hout Bay again.

Let the fest begin!
Check out the Men’s Health Best Life website by clicking here, I guarantee you will dig this magazine.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Ah man, I had the time of my life yesterday!

We decided to up the cool quotient at the Johnny Clegg concert at Kirstenbosch Gardens yesterday by gracing the crowd with our undeniable mind blowing presence. And did it go down well!

Mike and the crew chose a pearler of a spot directly behind, oddly enough, my future wife and mother of my kids. I know, I’m having the same problem.

It’s not the clearest picture, but we’ll post our wedding photos here later 

What DO we call our firstborn? I’m stuck between River and Storm. I will use a guys name on a chick, and a chicks name on a dude, I don’t care. But seriously, I’m stuck on a name. I suppose we’ll have two kids anyway.

But enough of that, we can decide after we marry.

So firstly, we see this doll in front of us who is in desperate need of a GHD. If that’s not bad enough, she was sporting some shades ala Tour de France 1975.Remember the shades, the Oakley Pro M Frames. Cool if you are playing sport, not cool if you are watching a concert. Even worse was the fact that these were not Oakley.

Minced 

So anyway, this chick stands for the better part of the day and then waves and a hippie comes cruising in from deep space, also in tie dye vibes and also sporting a pre-GHD hairstyle, very Knysna foresty.

This chick sits down, Mike says “Let’s kick this concert off like a dead lepers head” and this chick kicks off on the craziest trip I have ever seen.

I kid you not, this hippie sat for about 30 minutes, with her fingers IN her ears, rocking back and forth.

ABSOLUTELY MASHED!

Hippie, sitting down in the centre. Believing she is surrounded by dinosaurs. 

She was tripping tits! It was TOO funny, and everyone was just checking her out, wondering what in acids name was going on.

She was no doubt rhyming a tune in her head, “I love acid! I love salad!” I love acid!”

It was so mental, but I lost track of the events as I was wondering where my honeymoon is going to be.

I’ll have the video up sometime, it’s crazy styles!

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I wasn’t aware of this until I was sent an e-mail with a link to the photos of the launch party for the Nova Constantia Boutique Hotel in Constantia, Cape Town.

I get invited to so many events, it’s hard to keep track of where my face is going to be next, but it seems I’m only one step away from featuring in Gwen Gills column. It’s only a matter of time. Anyway, here is a photo I found of myself looking dashing with a side parting.

I’m being serious when I say that if I were a chick, I’d totally dig my vibe!

Wick…wick…wicked!

Maxing the lifestyle

“Good Lord Sean, your skin looks amazing! What moisturiser do you wear?”

“Well actually my loving readers, I use the Trevarno Organic Mens Moisturiser. Feel free to touch me”

Click here for the rest of the photos.

Click here for Nova Constantia Boutique Hotel.

Ahhhhh high society…you have to love it.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

You will all know about this already due to extensive coverage in all the forms of media, but just to remind you, the SA Open started yesterday and runs until the 21st of December 2008. I’m most likely going through tomorrow to watch as I found some tickets lying on my desk. I have no idea how they got onto my desk, but they are here.

Taking place in Paarl, the weather is no doubt hot, with today clocking in at a chilled 32 degrees celsius.

Click here for the SA Open website where you can find out all you need to know about the event, check up on the leaders and generally learn something new. Because apparently you learn something new every day. For the past two years I have found this to be an outright lie! I have learnt nothing!

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

As you know, a little while back I was in attendance and drunkenness at the Nokia launch, and as these guys were not from Cape Town, we treated them to some of the best of what Cape Town has to offer.

Until the day, I actually never knew about a company called Cape Sidecar Adventures. I had seen sidecars cruising around Cape Town before, but I thought it was a handful of enthusiasts just taking the bikes out for a little shmishmortion. Or toboggan.

The crew: No economic recession in sight

Another day at work for me

Well lo and behold, Cape Sidecar Adventures will pretty much take you anywhere on a sidecar! You don’t have to do anything, they pick you up at a designated point and you just hop into the sidecar, and get driven around on a tour of this AMA-ZING city! I can honestly tell you that this is the most fun you can have with your clothes on in Cape Town.

It’s so insane, these bikes are like pieces of art and there was even the military style one which suited me because I’m such a tough character. Except that I drink champagne. And moisturise. And I listen to Modern Talking. And I burn incense. Ok…maybe I’m not quite as tough as I think. But I do own a Swiss Army Knife and a Bear Grylls fire starting tool, so there is a bit of outdoorsman side to me.

I was smashing about the Cape Sidecar Adventures website now and good Lord, you can actually buy a sidecar! Everyone is into cruising to the shops on their scooters, now imagine how cool and old school it would be to rock up at the corner cafe on a sidecar. Cool has a name, and it’s sidecar! Rolling anywhere on one of these is way cooler than rolling in on your Vespa. Chicks will dig it, you will dig it and Cape Town will surely be better off with loads of sidecars rather than actual cars.

Less petrol being burnt, less pollution and more fun.

Anyway the Nokia guys cruised along the beautiful Cape coastline and took a breather at the stunning Chapmans Peak where they stopped off at one of the picnic spots to take in the view.

Kaka view

While everyone savoured the view I savoured more important things like champagne and also the hilarious names of some of the sidecars.Check these two out:

Gypsey, let me harvest 2 litre Coke bottle of your tears!

Yeah! Gonna get some, gonna ride it!

I really would recommend anyone visiting Cape Town, or even living in Cape Town, to take a sidecar adventure with Cape Sidecars. It’s something so different and offers you a totally unique way of seeing this beautiful city and is something not often spoken about. Many of my friends don’t even know about it, but it’s definitely something that I personally recommend and will be promoting amongst the Cape Town crowd and to visitors to this city. What good times!

Click here to check out all you need to know about Cape Sidecar Adventures as well as to book and even BUY a sidecar.

Radical!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

It was decided that I needed to be more active and so break out some of the golf clubs that have been collecting dust in the garage where I store all my dead bodies.

What?

We all do store the bodies of our victims don’t we? Oh you eat them? Well, each to their own.

So I kicked some of the bodies out of the way and eventually made my way to my golf clubs. Clubs. Like what you club baby seals with.

What? We all do club baby seals don’t we?

I mangled my way through the bag and just took out a few irons, leaving the Greatest Biggest Meanest Enormous Massive Bertha in the bag. That’s a lie, I did take it out to have a little caress of its features.

So long

So big

So smooth

So…broken…

When we first got the Big Bertha is seemed massive, but rolling around the Pro Shop the other day, there are drivers there that could easily take down a battleship. I don’t know what the point is of having a turret on the end of the golf shaft, but anyway.

As I was saying, hitting golf balls is like buying toilet paper. When buying manly things like jerry cans,screwdrivers and hammers, you will no doubt be surrounded by old or ugly people, perhaps both. But when buying toilet paper, it’s always funny how a supermodel ends up standing in front or behind you in the line. It’s SO mental! Or in school you are buying condoms at the corner cafe near the school when a teacher strolls in behind you.

The teacher you have been thinking of since you first saw her in a g-string in Biology in Standard 7 (Ahem…cough cough…Standard 7…Rondebosch High School…Ms Venter…bending over to put a tape in the VCR…)

And the worst thing about hitting a good shot in golf is that no one ever sees it. They do see the kak ones though, and they also see the after effects of a poor shot. I hit such a massive divot, the River Club is probably going to look at getting a grass sponsorship to cater for golfers like me.

I know…

Seeing as though the Warbird was broken though we took out the Nicklaus and the Burner, now that’s more like it!

If you are in Cape Town and want to practise your game, I suggest the River Club. If it all goes pear shaped, as gold does, you can always chill out at the restaurant and eat and drink away your sorrows.

Prost!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

You would have noticed that the world is turning back to the old school. From people buying record players, to wearing old school watches, shoes and Ray Ban Wayfarers, we are going back to the days of old.

Remember the days when you were a kid and used to own all that lumo clothing?

Well it’s baaaaaaaaack!

You may have noticed lumo shirts being sported around town this summer and the surf brands have kicked it off. I went to Quiksilver on Saturday in Canal Walk to grab myself some new shirts to add to the funky summer vibe that is being kicked around Cape Town.

Check it:

Rad!

Quiksilver are selling them at R169, and they are called “Fluoro”

It’s so sick!

Oh and that is “Quiksilver” not “Quiktits” or “Quikcock”

I can see how easily some of you might mistake that. But I’m here to correct you before you make those mistakes.

All the good surf stores and surf brands are stocking the luminous shirts this summer, and I suggest you go grab a few. It makes me feel young again!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

We spent a bit of time at Villa Lara in Cape Town on Friday.

The balcony view

Struggling during the recession

Good times!

I still rate Villa Lara as one of my top 5 villas in Cape Town for it’s simplistic design, and as always…location. Located in Llandudno, it offers some of the most spectacular views in Cape Town. It also offers easy living and the place feels as though you could live in it, and trust me, you can. I despise places where everything is too picture perfect to the touch…where you feel living in the place would break it. Villa Lara is tailored towards the easy going, simple living beach lifestyle where the pool, the sunlight and the ocean are the centre of the holiday.
From summer days and summer sunsets, to rainstorms lashing the ocean in winter, Villa Lara offers a visual spectacular rarely seen.

Villa Lara is not only available to rent as a Cape Town holiday villa, but can also be used for functions. So if you are having a product launch, or a dinner or work function, Villa Lara can cater for all your needs in spectacular style.

Check it out by clicking here.

And book your stay at Villa Lara by clicking here.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

“I’m overworked and underfucked”

I can’t remember who said that, but I heard it a while back. Many might concur.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Ok I’m off for the day, cruising with some “employers” but I will write on the weekend instead.

Don’t forget, there is Summer Elegance tomorrow afternoon and Dubfire from Deep Dish tomorrow evening.

See you out on the town this weekend, and chat soon.

Much love!

Me

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Cheldon sent this in now. For the CSI fans:

Hating! 

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I won’t go too deep into this, for fear of liver failure.

I chose quite a bad time to stop drinking. Seriously, I’m toning it down. I know, it’s crazy!

Anyway my dog still brought the newspaper in today, and there are crazy specials at Midmar in N1 City.

Check this liver buster:

95 cents! I mean come on, is this serious? You know how Four Cousins gives you a hangover? Now imagine how Four Inbred Cousins will give you a hangover? Ha, it would be too much to deal with!

This bottle should come standard with a rental shotgun and one bullet so you can kill yourself instead of facing the hangover from hell.

I honestly never knew anything could still be sold for under R1.

Other than Chappies.

Some people are going to be in their chops in after these specials are over.

Milk Thistle and Prohep sales should do well though. And don’t forget the Rehidrat.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

So what happened last week was that a couple of engineers who work on Rolls Royce engines for planes were down in Cape Town. You know planes don’t you? Those big things in the sky that carry people. Yes they land at the Republic International Airport of Cape Town. That’s the one. So I missioned off with these guys last week on a little boat cruise to Clifton just to scope the scene out and survey my territory.

“Ahhhh yes, that’s all mine” I said, hand on forehead, looking over Cape Town from the boat.

We decided on the ever popular Tigger 2 charter, and unfortunately on that particular day the more luxurious Tigger 2 Royale was already booked. We’ll have to try that another time in the summer.

So the day kicked off with me waking up and thinking “You know Sean, if I were a chick, I’d totally do you” A quick spritz with some Hugo Boss had me smelling like teenage desire, and a quick little style of the hair had me looking like some sort of male model. Without the billboard face and chiselled abs.

The Tigger 2 is one my favourite choices in charters and I’m quite alarmed that I haven’t written on it before. So I arrived at my departure point, which is just near Quay Four for you Cape Town regulars. Yeah, there by Alba. Our host on the boat, Juan, probably has the best job in Cape Town. When I asked him what he does, he said he is the host for all the boat trips.

Obviously thinking he can’t possibly live so excessively ALL the time, I asked what else he does, you know, like in winter.

“I do this all year” He casually replied. So Juan basically chills on the Tigger ALL year, shmoozing with guests, making chicks laugh, pouring drinks and socialising. I bet you wish you weren’t in an office! Imagine having, like, an all year round tan, being able to wear Sebago Docksides to work, and generally laughing at the people on the production line in offices. Well Juan does this every day!

“Chicks dig it” I crooned, lifting my champagne glass to the mighty Atlantic.

The cruise got off and we all marvelled at the power of the ocean.

Imagine how many drugs get transported across the ocean? Imagine how many people park their yachts off of Clifton, have sex all day and laugh at the poor people of the world? Imagine how much money is lying in the ocean?

Drugs? Slaves?

It was just too much for words and I couldn’t take the deck anymore. I decided to have a word with the skipper.

“Skip, you mind if I drive?”

“Are you qualified?” He said.

“No, but dude, I’m way too drunk to walk, I need to drive”

“Oh shit son!” He said “You’re Sean from SLXS, right?”

“Indeed” I said, cool as ice.

“Ah go ahead, drive all you want. In fact, here is my wallet and the keys to my house. What’s mine is yours, Sean. You are TOO cool. Seriously, how many chicks must throw themselves at you every day?”

“Well I’ve only really hooked up with 3000 chicks this year you know”

“Liar! It must be much more!”

“I know, it is! It’s so mental, chicks just can’t get enough of me. I mean, I am quite devilishly handsome. I have no personality but my looks make up for it, not to mention my massive cock!”

Ok all that stuff was a lie, but imagine if it was true, how mental would it be?! I did get a stint behind the wheel though.

“Starboard, starboard, this is SLXS rider requesting a drunken fly by”

“Negative SLXS, the pattern is full”

“Cock toboggan Starboard”

“Repeat, SLXS Rider”

“Oh nothing cock balls”

It was so mad, like we were in Top Gun! Obviously a fly by here would be replaced by a sail by.

–You know you look at yourself and you are fine, the next thing you know 2 days have gone by where you haven’t seen anybody, the two bottles of whiskey are empty and you haven’t eaten a thing–

Don’t worry about that, I’m fine.

The day we chose was a little bit windy but I quite enjoyed it. Nothing like the wind blowing on your freshly shaved balls and some sun on your face to cheer you up. A happy ending at Clifton would be great, but we can’t have everything can we? Unless you’re me, then you can organise most things. Like chilling with Rolls Royce engineers.

Looking at Clifton from the Tigger 2 

Not stressed at all 

All the cleverness got a bit much for me though on the deck, what with so many clever people around me. I decided to head back to a place close to my heart, kidneys and liver.

Let’s go to the baaaaaaaaaaaa!

I shimmied my way down from the lounge area on the Tigger 2, past the vomiting sea sick guy in the bathroom and straight into the bar.

Well craft me a dream with angels, there was absolutely no one in the bar! I’m serious, these Rolls guys had no idea. While they were busy marveling at crap like Table Mountain and that stupid “2010 World Cup Stadium”, I was getting right to the centre of the fun brigade.

2010 World Cup Stadium — Coming along nicely 

“Who’s paying for the drinks today?”

“Um…the clients sir”

“Rolls Royce?”

“I believe so sir”

“Gimme a bottle of scotch, make it snappy”

In a happy place 

YES! There I was chilling with a glass of bubbly, a bottle of Jannie Stapper and nothing but myself. I’m used to living the life of solitude as a celebrated writer, playwright, chicks dig it kind of guy. So I was right at home at the bar while everyone enjoyed the salty air and the ridiculous views.

Honestly I don’t see what the big deal about Cape Town is.

Wouldn’t you rather be living in London?

I think with a sunset like this, I would much rather be in the UK. Because look how kak it is!

Average 

I know…pathetic Cape Town. Can’t we put on a better sunset?

The boat trip seemed to be all over in a moment as I spent some solitary time at the bar, away from the hustle and bustle of people looking marveling at how RAD Cape Town is. I already know it’s rad. We landed back at our arrival point, got off the boat and I was welcomed by applause as I made it back alive. If I had fallen overboard, Cape Town would have fallen apart. It can’t do without me.

Arriving back at the V&A Waterfront, Cape Town

Kak 

I slipped Juan a R500 tip and asked if he could empty the contents of the bar into my car.

“Sean I can’t do that!”

“Um…ok…um…why not?”

“That’s stealing”

“You’re stealing” I shouted, stripped off my clothes and ran naked into the sunset shouting “Cock toboggan! Toboggan shmishmortion!”, the whole of Cape Town seeing my bronzed body and massive shlong falling free. Like life should be…free…

It’s a pleasure Cape Town, it’s a pleasure.

(“Thanks to everyone involved including our great host Juan and the crew on the Tigger 2. The Tigger 2 and Tigger 2 Royale depart from the V&A Waterfront in Cape Town and offer cruises along the Atlantic seaboard in fine style. Drinks, snacks…anything can be organised for any occasion from booze cruises with mates, to weddings, functions and much more. The cruises can cater for up to 50 people and a cruise on the Tigger is one of the greatest ways to see Cape Town from a completely different angle. There is a TV and DVD player inside so if you want, you can jam out a Rod Stewart concert all the while cruising along Cape Town’s coast. This might actually give you a bone, I won’t lie. Click here to get to the Tigger 2 website and make your booking for this Cape Town summer. Highly recommended and personally approved by myself to help you live a life of complete excess, SLXS style” — Sean)

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

The whole point of the Nokia launch party at the V&A Waterfront in Cape Town was to celebrate and introduce Nokia OVI to the South African crowd. Nokia OVI is an innovative tool and solution to keeping you in touch with your world — all from your cellphone.

Nokia have always stood out as making tough and reliable phones, but phones do get stolen, lost or dropped in the ocean on booze cruises. This is where Nokia OVI shines, so let’s take a look at a few of the features:

OVI for contacts:

You can sync your calendar and contacts on OVI, and you will see this updated information whether you access OVI from your mobile or your PC. Your calendar and contacts can be backed up on OVI, so if you lose your phone — never fear, all that information is not lost. On OVI you can add, edit and track your contacts, appointments and to do lists. When you edit this information online, it’s a simple process to update this information to your mobile.

Share on OVI:

We often take photos on our mobiles and just keep them there where they don’t get seen. Now with OVI, you simply take a photo on your mobile, then access OVI from your mobile and you can share all your photos and videos with friends and family. The storage on OVI is free and unlimited, so you can access all your media from one place. You can access your media from your PC, mobile or Mac.

Another great feature is that you can share your media with just one person, or a group, or you can make it available to the entire world. The choice lies in your hands.

OVI Files:

You can now use your phone to access files on your PC when you just can’t be at your PC. Photos, videos, audio, Office documents and Adobe PDF files can be accessed while you are on the move.

All of this is great but what phone to use? The Nokia N96 is the all in one tool incorporating a 5 megapixel camera so you never have to see those grainy images again, like you did with the first camera phones. It also has a massive 16GB memory. Check out the Nokia N96 by clicking here. Also look out for the Nokia 8500 touch screen phone in South Africa next year.

I had a play around with it at the Nokia launch party and it’s quite something.

I really think Nokia have launched a fabulous product here and it’s something that is going to get much bigger once everyone is using compatible phones. Now if Nokia would be so kind as to send me an N96 we can do a proper test session!

Click here and take a browse around OVI by Nokia, signing up is free.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Not ideal

A couple of you have been e-mailing me asking about the photos and videos of the latest King Of The Mountain car race disaster. I won’t post it all here, but here are two great links.

Click here for the video.

Click here for the forum and the photos of some of the wreckage.

Sean Lloyd

Editor