Gallows Hill Traffic Department: Clean

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So I’ve been trying to apply for a PDP license, because if you crash a car full of strippers, and you are being paid to drive them, you need a professional driving permit. Naturally, being the man of many passions that I am, I hold down many aliases.

I had to have a clear criminal record, so all my details had to be sent to Pretoria. About 6 weeks later they came back, and now I’ve had to submit those, and now my license needs to get sent to me…from Pretoria. This, they say, will take two months. All VERY organised and effective, and not a waste of my time AT ALL. By the time I get my license, I will either be dead, be a drug addict or be in an old aged home. Charming.

Anyway, the lady behind the desk was also flippin’ helpful and happy, I wasn’t aware that staff were made to eat lemons for lunch? Very weird. I also wasn’t aware that they needed to walk in a manner that the Hunchback of Notre Dame did, and talk out their noses. Mind you, if I worked in a place with no light and a sort of vomit colour to the walls, and it was named after a place where people get hung, I would also be hugely depressed.

I’m stoked though that the place has been upgraded, and I see they have also retrofitted the parking area with people who piss and shit themselves, and also have some sort of affinity for drinking meths.

It’s all so CLEAN and new age! God, Sepp Blatters World Cup money got us a brand new traffic department. With a brand new staff complement plucked from the gutters of obscurity!

I like to park my shiny new car in the parking lot, and then have it looked after. In fact, the security is so tight (Mind you: loose. Sies) that they even have dogs!

And if you’re really important, you get a car guard so passionate, they sit at your car. Gold Star service!

Car guards: Pissed. Clean.

I must say, it’s quite impressive to see such quality service in Cape Town. And if anyone complains we can klap them.

Because we’re supporting the currently disadvantaged/currently doos dronk/ currently hungover people of Cape Town.

And that’s a service to humanity.