Have You Tried A Loaded Smoothie?

I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for QUITE some time, because people think I own the company that makes this stuff, which is weird. They thought the name was actually based on my lifestyle, ‘loaded’ because of the state of my bank account. Well this is a complete lie, I’m not loaded! Well I am at the 25th of each month when I pay myself, but by the 30th my lone missions to Vegas in search of strippers and cocaine has all but depleted the monetary values!

And then ‘smoothie’ because I’m apparently smooth with the ladies. Well this I can confirm is all fabrication! I stutter and stumble when talking to girls, and I blush, and I’m self conscious about my hair. So when seeing me at a club, please don’t approach me because I’ll get nervous. But if you’re hot…well approach me anyway and I’ll see how I can do you. I mean what I can do for you. Ladies!
Calm yourselves…

I was on this huge mission to Spar this morning (Spaza shop) to grab the paper, my lottery winnings (Massive…apparently I can’t cash out that much as the Spar…WTF?) and a Bioplus sachet or three to jolt my mind into ass kicking, chick pulling, tanning, Greek God rippedness action. The sound track to my trip to the shops was naturally ‘The Four Tops– Loco In Acapulco” Which is well suited to Dockside boat shoes and Wayfarers and Caribbean shorts from Country Road and copious amounts of Island Tribe to prevent me from turning into a Pom tourist. Thanks!

So I nipped in (I’m using ‘nipped’ again, it makes me feel sexual, like a revolution…in your pants) and did all the usual when I was looking for some juice, and I saw Loaded Smoothies, again! I’ve been drinking them for ages and they’re so damn good they could cure anything. The whole angle is that they’re healthy, very healthy, but more importantly they’re tasty. They beat the hell out of any fizzy drinks I’ll tell you that  much!

Loaded Smoothies are 100% natural, contain zero preservatives, zero stabilisers, zero colourants and they are sugar free.

Today I tried the Loaded Smoothie Berry flavour, but they are all just so good! You honestly would never think that something so healthy can also be so tasty, but Loaded have it just right. The berry flavour contains banana, strawberry, pear juice, blackberry and aronia berry juice. Whatever that is. I also bought the Loaded Kiwi, which contains banana, apple and kiwi.

Sick!

Loaded Smoothies are the secret to my happiness. And unhealthy amounts of incense…woooooooooo!

You should be able to grab Loaded Smoothies in most Spar stores in Cape Town, but if your shop doesn’t stock them (Odd), then tell them to put their pants on and stop buggering around because you need a Loaded Smoothie. It’s perfect for summer. Just like tiny bikini’s and cleavage.

Oh I’ll see you filthy animals on the beach later! I’ll do Llandudno.

You can just do me.

DESIRE!