Tom Boonen is hilarious

As the 2009 Tour De France has now come to an end, many people start questioning the sanity of the riders. Tales of balls falling off, bad tans and being in pain for most of the day tend to crop up. While some riders live the lifestyle to the extreme, living and breathing cycling, Tom Boonen simply pomps and snorts his way right through this whole “cycling” thing!

Take for instance, his ex girlfriend Sophie Van Vliet. He was 27 when he was dating her and she was but a little lamb at 16 years old. Yeah… a lamb to the slaughter! Oh, this is Tom and Sophie in happier times.  Moving onto higher times.

Boonen and the ex –Maxing the chillaxing!

Typing in “Tom Boonen cocaine” reveals a headline in the Google saying “Tom Boonen tests positive for cocaine again”

Again, ha ha ha! There was an incident with him crashing this year on a road marking, with someone on Twitter remarking something along the lines if “He’s had trouble before with white lines” Quality!

It was also funny listening to Phil Liggett commentating on this years Tour De France chatting about Tom Boonen and his cocaine use, saying that it was in the off season (For last year when he missed the Tour due to testing positive for cocaine) and it is a “recreational drug” and he can’t really be penalised for it. Hilarious! I love it how the guys use cocaine, and I don’t really think it’s an offence that the guys should be banned for. It’s not performance enhancing and in the off season I don’t exactly think the guys should have a problem with it. So what, he wanted to have a jol? Worse things have happened.

Sure it taints the image of the sport a little, but I also think that the guys in the doping test system should practice some sort of ethics, only posting these test results if they directly impact his cycling.

Imagine being one of the worlds top cyclists and just hammering a 16 year old while on cocaine…your mental state must be hilarious, thinking back on what you actually do for a living, because you just live the dream.

No but seriously, imagine how chilled Tom must be when he wakes up.

It’s a pity he’s not Italian. Whenever I think of Italian cyclists, I think of a guy arriving at a coffee shop. All the cycling kit, very tanned, slicked back hair. He takes a seat. Waitress comes over. He leans back, shows some moose knuckle. Bit of bush spilled over the top of his shorts. He says to the waitress in the dirtiest porn Italian accent in the world:

“Come on, get me a f&*%ing espresso. Come on yeh? Come on do it.”

He whips out a Gauloises and lights it, smoking up a storm, drinking espresso and smut talking. (While he is on his bike, his 12 year old girlfriend is driving the Citroen around town)

“Hey you (Pointing at blonde hottie now sitting at Giovanni’s), come over her. Come over her and taste me”

“Waitress, come on chick-cha! Double f&*%ing espresso, chick-cha, make it on the house. Come over here and look at my bush, touch the moose knuckle”

Whaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha this is what Mondays are like in my life, but EVERYDAY! Every day is a Monday, and every Monday is essentially a Saturday in my life.

Weekend baby!

(Thanks Mitch & Claire)

P.S I’ve just switched the iTunes onto Claptons “Cocaine” I thought it only fitting for the situation.

Sean Lloyd

Editor