Last night a GHD ruined my life

When I was in school, everyone had their own unique look. All the girls I thought were attractive had long, straight, shiny hair, they never ate (What? Nothing to see here…) and they always had some sort of expensive perfume that would drift my way, sending me into a trance… (One of my favourites is Poison). Back in skool we could never get tricked because what you saw during the day was what you would see anytime. Girls with straight hair were girls with straight hair. Girls with curly hair were girls with curly hair. Girls with ginger hair…

There were no David Copperfield tricks or Shrek shenanigans, with people completely changing looks. You were either an angel or you looked donkey. And then popular culture introduced us to the GHD and a mans life became more complicated than it already is. Yes, yes, our lives are complicated.

I’m currently debating between getting PS3 or buying Guitar Hero for the X-Box. Decisions decisions. The mind boggles.

The GHD was introduced as a styling aid but it’s come as more of a one man war zone, a tool so destructive in it’s power that it should be considered a crime against huMANity. It’s 220v are not the problem, neither is it’s heat. It’s what it does to people that has such horrific consequences.

Angel? Devil?

Never before have so many women had straight hair and it’s quite scary, like we’re trying to create the perfect human. All this straightened hair in the day leads to death in the morning. You wake up and the girl from the night before has turned into an afro-sporting body rocker capable of making a sane man barrell roll through a plate glass window, off a balcony and onto hard cement, in order to escape the frizz of fury.

Hair that has been heated up to within an inch of incineration pays the user back the next day with a frizz bomb.

“I’ll teach her!” You’ll probably hear it screamng as it gets burnt, moments before going out on the town.

What this does for a man is it puts him into a fight or flight mode. Because it’s with a women, there is no fight so it’s flight, and…BOOM…man leaps from window to escape the frizz. When you see a guy walking around with a sprained ankle, you’ll know that last night a GHD ruined his life.

I’m all for GHD’s, but then again I’m all for lots of things, as long as they have warnings on them. I think GHD’s are fantastic, and it’s definitely made the world a more beautiful place. Walking in shopping centres is now an experience as a whole lot more people are looking a whole lot better and I’m fine with this.

But there should be a warning that comes with these women, something saying “Hair by GHD”. Just like I have a warning on my boxer shorts saying “Jackhammer”, I think the GHD warning needs to become more mainstream.

Before long guys will be jumping headfirst out of chicks bedrooms in the morning because their lives will have been ruined by GHD’s more than one time already.

Having a women look completely different the next morning is as much of a crime as you going to bed with us and we have a six pack and a Lambo, and you wake up and we’re fat and driving a Mazda Sting. You’d feel cheated wouldn’t you? And so we feel cheated.

We’re just getting the drunken driving rates down, the last thing we need is GHD assisted suicide in the males life.

Sean Lloyd

Editor